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# I myself have a habit
of making absolutely ridiculous, completely transparent lies throughout the day, to the point where I find myself at a loss when someone believes me.

Of course, this means that my family won't believe anything even remotely questionable that I say.
(, Thu 27 Nov 2003, 23:52, archived)
# I'm having an affair with b3ta
\unlurk

I saw this somewhere and it amused me enough to use it on my own kids.
"When the ice cream van is playing music it means they've run out.."

\relurk
(, Fri 28 Nov 2003, 2:34, archived)
# 'Music Vans' y'mean!
as I was informed by my parents for the first many years of my life that they simply drove about playing music. The vans parked up selling ice-cream looked similar, but were completely different.

If only... everyone'd be so much happier!
I was so gullible.
(, Fri 28 Nov 2003, 11:45, archived)
# oh, your mum...
...told you that one as well?
I though it was just me and my bro who got fed that line. By the time I'd figured it out (aged 6 I think), I had plucked up the courage to nick 10p from my mum and find one of these vans which was at the corner of our road. I came back into the garden 10 minutes later, still eating the ice cream in quite a self satisfied way (mainly because I had one and my brother didn't) and my mum enquired quite sharply as to where I'd got it, and where the money had come from. She knew I had no money because, well, I was 6, and she looked after all pocket/birthday money for me.
Needless to say, I didn't get a chance to finish the ice cream once the words of my first 'fat whopper of a lie' had passed my lips:
"I found the money" I said.
"Where?"
"Um... In a bush"
"How did you find it?" This was not going my way; I could feel that my mum had a firmer grip on the situation than I did, and I needed a trump card to get me out of this hunt for the truth. Something.... big. I mean BIG! It's amazing how, even as a 6 year old, I was able to identify a concept, rule, situation that my mother would never ever question. I had it! I knew that, being christians (well, I knew my mum was, I wasn't so sure I was, even then), that my mum would never question the word of the Lord.
"God showed me where it was" I said, pleased that the answer to my declining siuation had turned up bang on time.
....Oh how we laugh now, looking back on that fateful August afternoon in 1977, the sound of protests and wailing, the slapping of a very devious small boy's bottom just a faint suburban echo, distant and faded...

Needless to say, the immortal 2Just wait til your father gets home.." line weas used also, although as you've alrrady guessed I didn't have to wait for his return to get my punishment. I think that the worst of it was being totally humilliated in front of my brother, dropping the ice cream and gettinga double punishment, once for stealing, and another for lying.
So, I learned my lesson? Actually, I'm training to be a solicitor now, so make up your own mind...
(, Tue 2 Dec 2003, 13:46, archived)