Several years agoA mate of mine and I went out on the razz on our Christmas giros. After imbibing unhealthy quantities of fermented hydrocarbons we ended up in a happy (read: desperate) hour slinging back the Guinness in a dive of a pub.
After a while we attracted the attention of an old bloke who asked us what we did for a living. 'Well, my name's Andre, and this here's Jorvik, and we're both Russian spies. You won't tell anyone, will you?'
So old bloke says no, to which my reply was 'Good, 'cos Jorvik here can speak *sieben* different langvidges and kills people vis his eyebrows!'
We told him about Glorious Russian Tractor Factory where our parents worked; demonstrated our martial arts skills (involving much stumbling) and ended up being bought Vodka and Guinness by this old fellow.
Subsequently we pulled a couple of mingers, and proceeded off to the Arts centre. My mate was woken up in the toilets about 2am, by the cleaners. I'd left him to go off to a nightclub four hours previously.
And yes, this is 100% Fact.
(,
Sat 29 Nov 2003, 11:04,
archived)
After a while we attracted the attention of an old bloke who asked us what we did for a living. 'Well, my name's Andre, and this here's Jorvik, and we're both Russian spies. You won't tell anyone, will you?'
So old bloke says no, to which my reply was 'Good, 'cos Jorvik here can speak *sieben* different langvidges and kills people vis his eyebrows!'
We told him about Glorious Russian Tractor Factory where our parents worked; demonstrated our martial arts skills (involving much stumbling) and ended up being bought Vodka and Guinness by this old fellow.
Subsequently we pulled a couple of mingers, and proceeded off to the Arts centre. My mate was woken up in the toilets about 2am, by the cleaners. I'd left him to go off to a nightclub four hours previously.
And yes, this is 100% Fact.
Sorry bout that!?He He, this one still makes me laugh and simaltaneously cringe.
My mom and Dad had split up, (dont feel sorry for me, i used to have two Christmas's,) and thus visited my dad on weekends. My mom had recently started letting me go on this journey by myself and for some weeks id been pocketing the bus money and walking. this one week i took some time and my Mom phoned my dad somewhat concerned, when i finally arrived i told them that i hadnt paid enough for the journey and was kicked off the bus by the driver. Now my step dad was also a bus driver and unbeknown to me there was a very strict company policy against kicking kids of the bus, (i was about 14.) Anyway cut long story short, stepdad goes mad, have man from public bus company visit house to apologise, i start crying, (purely for dramatic effect you understand,) then a couple of weeks later we get word that the driver in questions lost his job! Anyway not proud of myself, (still,) but it was between his job and a beating from my mom and when youre 14 theres only one choice. Plus all my mates at school thought it was funny.
(,
Sat 29 Nov 2003, 14:36,
archived)
My mom and Dad had split up, (dont feel sorry for me, i used to have two Christmas's,) and thus visited my dad on weekends. My mom had recently started letting me go on this journey by myself and for some weeks id been pocketing the bus money and walking. this one week i took some time and my Mom phoned my dad somewhat concerned, when i finally arrived i told them that i hadnt paid enough for the journey and was kicked off the bus by the driver. Now my step dad was also a bus driver and unbeknown to me there was a very strict company policy against kicking kids of the bus, (i was about 14.) Anyway cut long story short, stepdad goes mad, have man from public bus company visit house to apologise, i start crying, (purely for dramatic effect you understand,) then a couple of weeks later we get word that the driver in questions lost his job! Anyway not proud of myself, (still,) but it was between his job and a beating from my mom and when youre 14 theres only one choice. Plus all my mates at school thought it was funny.