NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 190: "FLIP OUT LIKE A NINJA"
This Week:
* NINJAS - Flip out with Joel
* PUB - Drink with bloke who survived tube bomb
* PROJECT - DIY office bow & arrow
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___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| web... together"
B3ta email 190 - 22 July 2005
Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue190/
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: SPONSORED LINKS
>> Table-top cricket <<
If you've always wanted to play Tabletop Cricket
but simply couldn't be arsed to track it down
on eBay, spend days setting it up and then try
to coerce someone into playing it with you -
the solution is here, in the form of a Flash
game made by Kerb.
http://www.spreadfair.com/sport/spread/betting/cri...
>> The IT Files - Episode 3 <<
"The boss's dinner party" - If at first you
don't succeed, blind 'em with science. At last,
Mike is starting to get somewhere in his quest
for an upgrade. View the video at:
http://www.intel.co.uk/itfiles
>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Ninjas, Weebl, Dogs and Surviving Terrorism
>> Flip out like a ninja <<
We went and saw Joel's band, 7 Seconds Of Love,
play a gig the other day, and after the show
harangued him, "That ninja song is catchy,
you've GOT to put that out on the interwebs."
Joel, of course, has done us proud. He also
asks us to say, "Dudes, we're doing a
charity night at Islington Academy on Thursday
28th (next week). It would be great if you
could make it down." Full details, and a new
flash vid on the site:
http://www.7secondsoflove.com/ninja/
>> Weebl: New cartoon strip <<
Jonti is probably best-known now for his
animated songs, like Badgers and Kenya, but
his web bread and butter is episode after
episode of Weebl & Bob. Returning to the
episodic format is his new cartoon, "On
The Moon" detailing the life of his little
friends on er... the moon. Whimsical, demented
and pleasingly neo-nazi. Go Jonti.
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/On+The+Moon+ep.1...
>> Have a pint with a terrorism survivor <<
David Taurus has got in touch mentioning
that he was on the very tube-train that
was blown up by Yorkshire terrorists a
couple of weeks-ago. His anti-hysteric
write-up is worth a read:
http://www.thetriforce.com/newblog/
He also wants you to come to the pub to
meet him because, "If you stay sober, the
terrorists win."
http://www.thetriforce.com/newblog/
>> Dogs in Togs <<
"Dressing up animals is cliché in B3taland,"
spiels your Ginger Furher, "So I was rather
amused when my girlfriend pointed out that
a canine fancy dress competition was taking
place but three miles from our sofa. We nipped
down and took a camera."
http://www.b3ta.com/features/dogsintogs/
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: THE MENACING WEBSITE DESIGN AWARD
Ah, when the designers get a little too creative.
"At Kluthe, everything revolves around you," is
the claim. But instead, a huge, frightening
logo hovers in the middle of your screen, like
a lidless eye of evil. Don't mouse over the
nonsense words round the edges lest they slowly
loom towards you, swelling to immense and
pant-filling size. Oh sweet Jesus here they come
- trying to sell us paint-thinners!
http://www.kluthe.co.uk/klutheintro.swf
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: HUMAN ZOO
Coke-can tux man
Gondaba attended his prom in a smart suit made
from discarded cola cans. But that's not why we
love him. For that, just look at his face, his
huge, unwieldy hair and his Gothic date. Do you
think he got picked on in high school? A little?
http://www.gondaba.com/posts/1/8/4042.html
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: GEEK OF THE WEEK
GPS Tron
GPS is some kind of funky future-style technology
that uses satellite tracking to locate nerds with
pinpoint accuracy - from space. Normally used by
ramblers to map out brisk country walks, it's
been now adopted by ugly men with Linux-beards
in a tribute to the light-cycle scene in 80s
Disney crapathon, Tron. We're sure they think
they're having fun, but why don't they use the
tech to draw gigantic cocks on London? The space
alien overlords would love that!
http://mnt.is-a-geek.org/tron/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.
>> Best porn movie title ever? <<
"1,001 Ways to Eat My Jizz, Part 3: Biscuits
and Gravy Edition" There's genius in this
title we tell you, genius. Don't actually
want to see the film though.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0391713/
>> Goatse of the week <<
When it comes to write the history of the
web, do you really think anyone will list
Boo.com? Ask Jeeves? MSN? Nope, but they will
still remember goatse. We enjoyed this photo
of an Asterix/Obelix ride that looks oh so
familiar.
http://www2.b3ta.com/images/rob/4e5_obelix.jpg
>> Office bow & arrow <<
Ever thought about sellotaping a couple of rulers
together, mucking about with some biros and
and making your own lethal medieval machinery of
destruction? Here's how. Inspired stuff, hopefully
our readers will be happily maiming each other
silly over the coming weeks.
http://www.bleacheatingfreaks.com/science/OB2/bxma...
>> Dunno what the fuck this is - but it's great <<
It's got these jelly beans and they go through
pipes, making music. And you control the pipes.
Weird, foreign webtoy thing. Looks lovely,
fun to play with. Mellow.
http://www.lecielestbleu.com/media/pateasonframe.h...
>> I am fucking terrified <<
We couldn't move the other week for seeing
mentions of the banally patriotic
werenotafraid.com. Utterly loathsome stuff. We
were more amused by this response site, also
an email we received from b3ta regular CCC that
mentioned, "I'm thinking about doing a 'we're not
afraid so we wank over pictures of Arabs" site -
but I can't seem to find the right yoghurt. Plus I
don't want to die."
http://iamfuckingterrified.com/
>> Hiccup videos <<
Web perversions: If you can think of it, you
can find a website of enthusiasts wanking over
it. But hiccups? Actually we quite enjoyed
watching this collection of vids, but it
didn't give us the horn.
http://www.hiccuplovers.net/video/
>> Jowlers <<
What is a jowler? Ah, glad you asked, gentle
reader. A jowler is when you shake your face
from side-to-side and take a short exposure
photograph. The effect's a bit like watching
someone under extreme G-force. Very pleasing,
and something to try at home this weekend.
http://www.jowlers.com/howto/
>> R Kelly <<
Who would have thought the day would come when
we'd be bigging up R Kelly? But you have to watch
his five-part operapa, quite possibly the greatest
thing we've ever, ever seen. It tells the story of
Kelly getting caught in a closet by the husband of
his latest lady and the real-time delivery is what
brings the laughs, "I've got cramp!" being a
choice moment. (Click the video section.)
http://www.r-kelly.com/index_main.html
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: ANIMAL NASTIES
Baby pandas
We can see why the Chinese systematically
exterminated the panda to extract the secret
ingredient in wonton soup. The baby panda is
an eyeless, ugly critter and our booty feet
want to kick its tiny face off.
http://snipurl.com/gfml
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Double, bumper, fun-sized issue
>> Results from the Grown-ups' Lies Challenge <<
Each week we run a competition to test your
creative skills. We set a challenge and you
open Photoshop and mess with our heads.
Two weeks ago we wanted you to show us a world
where the lies grown-ups tell children are true.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/grownupslie/
We asked b3ta boarder Bodders to judge the
entries - here are his 3 faves.
Bodders writes -
#1 "Bird buggery - Well, what can I say? It's a
stork shagging your mum! Amazing what they
can do these days. (Zak McFlimby)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/4863720
#2 "Bedfordshire - Loving those good ol' wooden
hills! And a fine bit of simple shopping too.
(Mozza)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/4875405
#3 "Daddy sure isn't in heaven - Broken homes
and shattered dreams imagine what this poor
child is going to go through when he finds
out about daddy. You gotta love it."
(Leningrad)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/4864370
>> Results from the David Hasselhoff Challenge <<
Last week ago we wanted to see a day in the life
of David Hasselhoff.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/hasselhoff/
We asked b3ta boarder The Pink Dot to judge the
entries - here are his 3 faves.
The Pink Dot writes -
#1 "Salesman of the Month - This one seemed to
address very well the implication that David
may well now have to find other, less
glamorous means to supplement his income.
(Dr.trouser)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/4911829
#2 "Kitten Stretching - Obviously I can't condone
this anti-fluff stance, particularly in light
of those new RSPCA statistics about animal
cruelty, but it all just seems too feasible
to ignore. (Darryn.R)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/4898489
#3 "Mirror Gazing - If anyone was going to turn
narcissism into a full time activity it was
going to be Hasselhoff. Simple and clever,
and probably true." (Leningrad)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/4894045
>> This Week's Challenge <<
This week, The Challenge Dictator wants us to
ease off the Photoshopping and make real-life
corporate logos:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/reallifelogos/
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* SAUSAGE WIRING - rdcrouse writes "When I was
a youngster we had one of these contraptions
which did exactly what your forked-up version
did - just better. Note the snazzy "seals in
the flavour" plastic cover. We used it a few times
and then reverted to the dogs-in-boiling-water
default method."
http://www.neighborhoodvalues.com/nv/kitchen/misc/...
* POACHED EGG - possibly one of the most
controversial items we've run on b3ta - eggs,
it appears, inspire passions. Many emails pointed
out that cling-film is carcinogenic and shouldn't
be boiled, others mentioned that they like
poaching eggs by placing them in a mug with 1 cm
of water, and then into the microwave for a minute.
Our favourites, however, were the people who
attempted the clingfilm method, failed, and fed
it to their dog.
http://b3ta.com/board/4883753
* SWEARING - "Thanks," writes alex, "for linking
to our company 'UK Data' on your newsletter
(#178), encouraging people to visit and type in
swear words. Perhaps not the ideal way to get our
company promoted, but funny all the same."
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: FRIDAY GAME
One-key gaming
There's a school of thought that successful
web gaming has fuck-all to go with X-boxes and
3D visuals and everything to do with "here's
a quick novelty, have a go." This game is
all novelty and, frankly, we're wishing we'd
thought of it. Damn.
http://www.juno.dti.ne.jp/~logicp/program/kax2003/...
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* WINDOWLICKERS.COM - a few months back the
hot link doing the rounds was a kitten that
licked your screen. Very cute. Knowing they
were onto a good thing, the designers have
followed it up with loads of doggy lick
sequels for sale as screensavers, and it's
all become a bit naff. Can't we have a mong
licking the screen instead?
* SPACE WANKING - Nasa! We know all about
pooing in space. We've seen the videos
of the poor astronauts using the vacuum
shitters. Now we want to see someone
masturbating in zero G, splooging perfect
spheres of man-cum from their mighty
astro-cocks.
* TOWELHEAD-FOR-A-DAY - stick a towel on your
head, colour your skin brown with shoe
polish and spend a day on London's public
transport noting the reception you get.
Might be interesting, we thinks.
Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson.
Links sent in by Wandring Soul, jspearmint,
marcus mainframe, aliceteeple, harry covert
and The Duke of Prunes
Top Tippery by random googling.
Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
Mike Trinder is stressed beyond belief.
Image challenge handled by Mystery Bob.
Proofing by the gay b4ta gays.
(103990 - 27005)
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TOP TIP:
Suffering from arthritis and can't hold a dust
rag for long? Slip an old sock over your hand
and dust away.
