NEWSLETTER: "CREATE YOUR 'B3TA NAME' BY THINKING OF WORD THAT'S NOW PROBLEMATIC AND ADDING AN ANIMAL"
This Week:
* DATA JOURNALISM - Double-entendre detector
* BREXIT - Your guide to the barter economy
* TRUMP BOT - Now with Gary Larson cartoons
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "People who
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | open emails
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| are 'lucky'"
B3ta turd-o-mail 714 - 6th Apr 2019
Read this issue fast and it'll be over quickly:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue714
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: DOUBLE-ENTENDRE DETECTOR
Stick this in your browser and load it
Monkeon has built a project that find tweets
that sound "a bit rude" by looking for replies
saying "fnarr fnarr" and then looking for the
tweet they were a reply to. Examples include:
* "Hedge trimming today. I hate a bush that's
out of control!"
* "If he tries to shove it in my mouth one more
time I cannot guarantee that I won’t throw up
on him."
* "I got my fabric stiffener today. If anything
stands still I am now going to stiffen
it....watch out."
It's actually genius - there's been whole
academic projects devoted to spotting innuendo
but monitoring people's reactions is
brilliantly simple hack.
Monkeon tells us, "You get of a Finbarr
Saunders version of the Tetris effect after
reading so many. You see them everywhere."
https://www.monkeon.co.uk/titter/
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No turds Taggart
No crap Columbo
No merde Morse
No poop Poirot
No manure Miss Marple
No bum-juice Bergerac
No shit Sherlock
-------------------------------------------------
: POST BREXIT BARTER ECONOMY TOOL
Coz fags will be more useful than cash
Gwil & Andrew write, "We've done our bit for
Brexit preparations and have built this handy
tool for the post-Brexit barter based economy."
Want to know how many potatoes you'd get for
your car battery? Then look no further. (It's
28 apparently - we just checked)
https://brexchangerate.uk/
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The Brexit solution is simple: nuke the moon.
Seriously. No one will be talking about Brexit is
the Moon is missing. Probably nuked.
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: WHAT TIME IS DEATH?
KLF Movie hitting screens soon
B3ta was pleased to be invited to a screening
of What Time Is Death by the film's director
Paul Duane, a documentary exploring the last
year of ex-KLF Bill Drummond & Jimmy Caughty's
life as they transition their stadium-rave
brand to burying the dead. Seriously, they're
undertakers now.
Film is currently being submitted to festivals
so look out for it, but in the meantime, feel
free to get your remains 'mumufied'.
https://www.mumufication.com/
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Don't put "gun for hire" in your profile unless
you're a contract killer. You're wasting your own
time as well as ours.
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: TRUMP BOT
His terrible tweets vs Gary Larson
CuntyBumface writes, "My first every Twitter
bot. Every time Trump tweets, it gets pasted
into a random Gary Larson cartoon and reposted
back to Twitter. It's all perfectly logical."
https://twitter.com/FarSideOfTrump
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Imagine how many people would sign a petition to
choose chaos with Ed Miliband.
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: B3TA BOARDER WRITE BOOK
"Older King's Horses"
Dr Dunno, best known on B3ta for his yearly
Sgt. Pepper death montages writes, "I wrote
this on my phone, using my thumb, but now it's
a book and people like it. Contains mild peril
and climate dystopia."
https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/10921236...
BTW: Dr Dunno also had a plan to write a
completely empty book based on Theresa May's
best thoughts but was forced to go on holiday
instead.
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Dried mango: imagine if shoes tasted delicious.
It’s basically the closest we'll ever get to
knowing what it’s like to be a dog.
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: YAY WE HAVE A NEW(ISH) NEWSLETTER SPONSOR
Mediamasters Podcast
Paul Blanchard has got in touch to sponsor the
newsletter "My primary purpose is to see you
prosper! Love your work" and also promote his
podcast. There's lots of big media names on it
like Sir Trevor McDonald and Alan Rusbridger,
so get stuck in:
http://www.mediamasters.fm/
And if YOU also want to be a big sponsor then
fill "company sponsorship" in on the old
Patreon:
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: SITES IN BEEF
Stuff from outside the official B3ta universe
* SILENT MOVIES GIFS - we admit we mostly just
looked at the gifs and skimmed the article, but
what lovely gifs silent comedies make.
http://www.lapsuslima.com/buster-keaton-anarchitec...
* BUSINESS CARD GAME - type in this game whose
code fits neatly on a business card. It's
actually quite fun, taking the style of
scrolling game everyone used to try and write
in BASIC and adds a few neat extra gameplay
features.
http://frankforce.com/
* BILLY CORGAN RIDES A ROLLERCOASTER - the long
awaited follow up to "Ian Curtis rides a
rollercoaster." Robert Smith next?
https://www.youtube.com/watch
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Why did the polyester duvet not get into the
nightclub? Coz the bouncer said, "if your name's
not down, you're not coming in"
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
SuperheroSoapOperas
Here's the best images from last week:
* GOTHAM HILL - Dunna-nunna-nunna-nunna
buddub-buddub bowwwww ((a)lexistwit)
http://b3ta.com/board/11282769
* SAAAA-BERS......EVERYBODY NEEDS GOOD
SABERS...... - (Scumbrian)
http://b3ta.com/board/11282481
* X-MENDERS - (Captain Howdy)
http://b3ta.com/board/11282510
* See all the other images from the
'SuperheroSoapOperas' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/superherosoapoperas
>> This week: Extend <<
We're extending things this week, make what you
want that little bit longer, books, films,
music, animals, words,
whateverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/extend
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: IS A £7 RECHARGEABLE SPEAKER ANY GOOD?
We bought it to find out
Grabbed this rechargeable speaker on a whim.
It's remarkably functional for £7. Bluetooth,
auxiliary port and SD card reader that plays
MP3s. The sounds? Not bad, not amazing but a
lot better than your phone. Still it's £7.
Technology is nuts, this is more functional
that the entire stereo system we used as a
teenager.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0749J2S...
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some inspiration to start you off
* MECHANICAL TURK SPOTIFY - press play on a
song and you get a live video feed of some
random person who owns the LP sticking it on a
turntable. Would actually be quite fun if done
in realtime for real/
* SPUD-BLOCK - use a Google Chrome plug-in to
background-search for plastic potatoes once a
day to convince the ad networks to display
utterly useless ads and thus foil capitalism
and bring the revolution closer.
* ALEXA ON VINYL - Hundreds of locked grooves
on a disk. Each one listing a recommendation
for a great record, "Alexa, play Kind of Blue
by Miles Davis". All the physicality and
sensual enjoyment of putting a record on but
the breadth and convenience of streaming.
* QUIZ: CRASH OUT OR GASH OUT - not sure how
this would work to be honest, we just like the
title.
Send your work to:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: CREDIT
Edited by Rob Manuel with extra stuff from Monkeon.
-------------------------------------------------
: PATREON THANKS
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-------------------------------------------------
: AND SPECIAL THANKS TO ED
For being our longest patreon
Follow him on the Twitter. Go on.
https://twitter.com/edzitron
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: TOP TIP
Landlords. Rid your pub of people under 45 by
playing The Stone Roses debut album in full.
(markreynolds95)
http://b3ta.com/questions/toptips
