NEWSLETTER: "WHAT'S THICK AND SMELLS OF STRAWBERRIES? TOMMY ROBINSON"
This Week:
* GIFS - Upgraded with sound. At last.
* WORDS - "How replying to B3ta changed my life"
* CHALLENGE - 'TV shows vs LPs' came out ACE
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "Fuck the internet,
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | let's microdose
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| pasta... together"
B3ta electro telex 716 - 02 May 2019
Read this issue honk honk:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue716
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Your B3ta editor is writing this newsletter on a
film shoot whilst he waits to record a tiny cameo
in Ashen's new movie 'Ashens and the Polybius
Heist' where he plays a scarcy thug. His children
are genuinely concerned that this is horrible
miscasting as their dad is "weak" and the
producers need to be told they're making a
terrible mistake.
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: GIFS WITH SOUND
Monkeon makes a new toy
Our resident interactive maker Monkeon has a
new thing and tells us, "It is a generator
which matches sound effects to gifs." We
particularly like it when you get a doorbell
sound with someone knocking.
https://www.monkeon.co.uk/soundgifects/
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How is a shepherd's pie a pie when it's just meat
with a potato hat? You can't serve sausage & mash
upside down and call it a banger pie.
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: INTERVIEW WITH A FERRYMAN
Water bloke speaks
Ronofthesouth shares his "A short film what I
made about a ferryman". Frankly, boating people
about looks preferable to almost any other job
we can think of. We're quitting this internet
bullshit.
https://b3ta.com/links/The_Ferryman:2
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Happy 30th birthday to The Cure's Disintegration.
We'd like to draw your attention to this warts
and all 'making of' written by keyboard player
Roger O'Donnel full of fantastic period detail
including that they were so addicted to playing
the computer game Elite that they had to ban it
from the studio.
https://web.archive.org/web/20100218055301/http://...
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: ANSWERING A B3TA QUESTION CHANGES MAN'S LIFE
Coz joining in matters
Last year we asked you to share your 'work
related fuck-ups' on Twitter and
@shockproofbeats' answer gained so much
traction that it meant he could give up his job
and write for a living. Fantastic.
https://twitter.com/shockproofbeats/status/1124375...
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What's blue and fucks everything?
The Tories.
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Other stuff that makes us throb with pleasure
* UPSIDE DOWN WONDERWALL - neat quirky cover
idea. Take a famous melody and invert it, that
is, when the notes go up, go down and vice
versa. Surprisingly listenable result in this
case.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* ARTY JIGSAWS MASHUPS - Jigsaws eh? What
people used to do before they discovered
wanking and social media. Apparently many
jigsaws use the same cutout patterns meaning
that it's possible to mash them together to
make strange hybrid art. Dali would approve.
https://themindcircle.com/jigsaw-puzzle-companies-...
* DON'T VANDALISE THIS SITE - Older readers may
remember 'metababy' - a website that allowed
you to edit the content on every page. This is
similar, almost a cross between easter eggs and
social media. Currently people seem less
twattish without an audience, so when you find
one it's generally quite playful. Bit will that
last?
https://publicnote.com/
* DUTCH PROFANITY - Zuowan writes, "Even for a
list of swear words, this is grim reading."
Sample: 'kk is an acronym which can mean either
kanker (literally: "cancer") or kankerkut
(literally: "cancer cunt").'
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dutch_profanity
* VAMPIRE FAN - this clip from an old BBC TV
doc asking a woman why she enjoys vampire
fiction is bloody marvellous.
https://twitter.com/criticalprvrsn/status/11219188...
* HAIRY CORNFLAKE'S BIG BOOK OF PHOTOS HE LIKES
TO WANK TO - Dave Lee Travis's book of
photography is genuinely gobsmacking. Radio 1
DJs of the past were another world. Lock them
all up.
https://twitter.com/ChartMusicTOTP/status/11213997...
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We interrupt this newsletter to bring you
alternative names for DLT aka The Hairy
Cornflake produced by looking up 'hairy' on a
thesaurus and 'breakfast cereals' on Wikipedia:
The Bearded Pop-Tart. The Unshaven Special K.
The Bristly Cocopop. The Downy All-Bran . The
Fleecy Weetabix. The Whiskered Quaker Oat. The
Stubbly MultiGrain Cheerio. The Hirsute Sugar
Puff. Sorry, normal service now resumes.
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
TV show bands
Really good challenge last week, we asked you
to mash-up TV shows and LP covers and you did
fantastic work with over 100 entries.
Some of the strongest entries were form
Dr.Dunno (aka ChrisTheBarker on Twitter) so
let's just declare him winner but there was
also great work from Ninj and S4RK and many
others.
Check out the best here:
https://b3ta.com/challenge/tvshowbands/popular/
Also Dr.Dunno has twisted our arm to link to
his best entries for sale as t-shirts and
cushions(!).
https://www.redbubble.com/people/christhebarker
>> This week: The Cure <<
As previously mentioned, it's happy 30th
birthday to The Cure's Disintegration and Stone
Roses' debut album. Two LPs that didn’t
satisfactorily fit onto a C90. Go on, photoshop
The Cure.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/thecure
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Johnny Marr should ban Morrissey from liking The
Smiths.
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Do some stuff and end up in a newsletter
* 17 SECONDS - THE COMPUTER GAME - play
tribute to The Cure's second LP with an game
where you have to press the spacebar at exactly
17 seconds else Robert Smith does a little
sigh.
* A SHOP WHERE YOU CAN GO AND TAPE YOUR
FAVOURITE ALBUMS - we imagine this as an almost
religious experience. Select the tape, will it
be chrome or ferris? Go to a dark room and
listen to your favorite LP and take home the
perfect audio-tape. Pens will be supplied for
labels.
* A REWORKING OF MAN-MILK OR MOO-MILK WITH
TOMMY ROBINSON - the ex-EDL frontman is now
doused with milkshakes everytime he leaves the
house, let's celebrate this in interactive
form.
Send your drawings of your own tits to:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: CREDIT
Edited by Rob Manuel with extras from Monkeon,
Matt Round & Barst.
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: PATREON THANKS
BIGGEST BROTHERS: *EUGENIE VT*, *ALEX MORRIS*,
*HEBTROCO*, *JAMES O'BRIEN*, *JAMES PETTS*,
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DONNELLY*, *SHOWRAT*, *SIMON JAMES*,
*STOOBERT*, *24-7 DEATH*, *ALAN CHARLTON*,
*ALISTAIR*, *ANDREW FLEMMING*, *ANDREW WREN*,
*BEVAN JOHNSON*, *BRIAN EELES*, *CHRIS
BLAKENEY*, *CHRIS CARLINE*, *CHRIS LOCKE*,
*CRISS MORENO*, *GEORGE STEPHENSON*, *GREG
MCGOWAN*, *IAN SHEEN*, *JAIMIE VANDENBERGH*,
*JAMES CRONIN*, *JON BINSTEAD*, *MARK ADAMSON*,
*MICHAEL TRINDER*, *NAT KING COLESLAW*,
*PATRICK CATES*, *RICHARD BARCLAY*, *SIMON
NICHOLLS*, *SPAZZCAPTAIN*, *TOM DOLAN*, *WENDY
GOODE
BIGGER BROTHERS: NICK MORGAN, LEE BURNETT,
@MATTDAWHIT, ADAM ATACK, ADAM COONEY, ADAM
INGLIS, ADAM LLOYD, ADRIAN WOODFIELD, AL
DAVIDSON, ALBION GRAY, ANDREW SCHEUBER, ANDY
ASHTON, ANDY STORRAR, ANDY TILLETT, ANDY
WEBBER, ANDY YATES`, ANNA, ANNE-MARIE SCOTT,
AUNTIESASH HAZLEWOOD, BEN BRICE, BEN WARD, BEN
WATSON, BERTIL HANSSON, BERTRAM WOOSTER, BEX
COOK, BLOSSOMSHED, BRAD GREGORY, BYRON GEOFFREY
FARROW, C BOND, CARL MORGAN, CATHERINE
MCALLISTER, CATROASTER, CHEF TWAT, CHRIS
BRANCH, CHRIS EVANS, CHRIS GARRATT, CHRIS
GOUGH, CHRIS PATERSON, CHRIS SAUNDERS, CHRIS
SHAW, CHRIS WHITWORTH, CIARÁN R, COURTENAY
FERRIS, CRAIG LIDDELL, CRAIG TONKS, CRAIG
TURNER, DAMIEN SMITH, DAN STOTT, DANIEL BROWN,
DANIEL CHOTE, DAVE NATTRISS, DAVE TICKLE, DAVID
AULT, DAVID CATLEY, DAVID GARDINER, DAVID
GREEN, DAVID KING, DAVID KNOLL, DAVID MILLS,
DEREK LAW, DEREK ROBERTS, DOMINIC HAIGH, ED CAN
DO, ED COOK, EDWARD ALMOND, EMMA LAY, ERIC VON
BORSTEL, ESSY DAVE, FAITH H. MARTIN, FEARGHAS,
FERGUS MCKAY, FIONA JAMES, FOURSTAR, FRASER
LEWRY, FUNKSTER, GAYNOR CLARKSON, GEOFF TIDEY,
GEOFFREY BALME, GEORGE PRESTON, GIA MILINOVICH,
GNEISSROCKS, GRAHAM LICENCE, GREENFOX, GREG
NEILSON, GUS NICOL, HANNAH CHUBB, HEIDI
COLTHUP, HELEN GASKELL, IAIN, IAIN BRASSINGTON,
IAIN FULLER, IAIN HENSHAW, IAIN MOFFATT, IAIN
RUXTON, IAN BEVERIDGE, IAN BOLTZ, IVAN KELLY,
JAMES CLAYTON, JAMES DONNELLY, JAMES GOLBEY,
JAMES KERRY-BARNARD, JAMES MACINNES, JAMES
O'MALLEY, JAMES PEARSON, JAMES SHAKESPEARE,
JAMIE TAYLOR, JANE BAKER, JASON STEWART, JAY
ROCHE, JAYMIE THOMAS, JERRY QUARTLEY, JIM
DABELL, JIM FRAYLING, JIM HALFPENNY, JIM
MACARTHUR, JIM WOODWARD, JOE BANNER, JOE
MCNALLY, JOE SIMMONDS, JOEY MOORE, JOHN
FARAGHER, JOHN FOSTER, JOHN HAMMERSLEY, JOHN
HIGGS, JOHN MATTHEWS, JOHNNIE SHANNON, JOHNNY
WATTERS, JONTY WAREING, JOSH MCMILLAN, JOSHUA
THOMASSON, JUDE EVANS, JUSTIN BRETT, JǏM
MCNǏVEN, KATE DEVLIN, KEV ADAMS, KONRAD
PETRUSEWICZ, LISA WESTHAVEN, LOUISE ALLEN, LUKE
MEPHAM, MARINA DE JOSLIN, MARK HIBBETT, MARK
WILSON, MARTIN BEER, MARTIN DAVIES, MARTIN
HOLLOWAY, MARTIN PEACHE, MATHEW CLAYTON,
MATSIMPSK, MATT BUCHANAN, MATT DREWRY, MATTHEW
COLLINGE, MATTHEW FORMAN, MATTHEW MORRIS,
MATTHEW WILKES, MICK CURTIS, MIDNIGHTRAMBLER,
MIKE MIDDLETON, MIL JAMIESON, MONTOCAT, NEIL DE
CARTERET, NICK ROSS, OBIW4N SHINOBI, OLIVER
BEWES, PAUL CHERRY, PAUL LEADER, PAUL SMITH,
PAUL WESTERMAN, PETER ASHTRAY, PETER COOMBE,
PETER GOSLING, PETER MCMINN, PETER WOUDA,
PHILIP KINCHINGTON, POOKONG, REBECCA MCMANUS,
RHYS WYNNE, RICH POPE, RICHARD BECKETT, RICHARD
MATTHIAS, RICK LINDLEY, RIVEN A BUCKLEY, ROB
AFFLECK, ROB MAHON, ROB VINCENT, ROBBIE LESIUK,
ROBERT HILLS, ROBIN, ROSS CARTER,
ROSSOVERTHERE, RUPERT HULL, RYAN DORAN, RYAN
RHODES, SALEEM AHMAD, SAM ANDERSON, SAM
RUSSELL, SARAH WILLIAMSON, SCOTT S. KRAMER,
SEAN CASELY, SIMON COWAN, SIMON HOLMES, SIMON
MCDOUGALL, SIMON SMITH, SIMON WATERFALL,
STARLORD MIXTAPE, STEPHEN WALLER, STEVE
ANGLESEY, STEVE LAKER, STEVE PROWSE, , STEVEN
SMITH, STEVEY GARLAND, STEWART NOLAN, STUART
ALLDRED, STUART ASHEN, TIM JOKL, TIM MOUNCER,
TIM WEAVER, TOM CRICK, TOM HEBBRON, TOM
REES-WILLIAMS, TOM RYAN, TOM WRIGHT,
TOWNSENDSPUBLISHER, TYRONNE MANN, VICKI JAKES,
WIL HADDEN, WILL GOULDEN, GAVIN TOMMEY, IAN
APPLEBY, PETE, STUART RICHARDS, TOBIE FYSH,
CARL MESNER LYONS, CHRIS JOHNSON, EMMA SYKES,
JAN SPIELHOFF, JESS BAKER, JOHN FIELD, MIKE
CONGREVE, SEAN FLANAGAN, TOM FREKE, ED ZITRON,
ADAM BEARDWOOD, DAVID STARK, ALASTAIR DODD,
ALEXANDRE STRUBE, ANDREW ROBINSON, ANDY
CANDLER, CHRIS GOODE, CONNOR PARSLOW, CRAIG
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RICHARD SPEED, ROSE JOHNSON, SENTIENT MEATBAG,
TIM BEACHY
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Please bung us your cash:
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: YAY WE HAVE A NEW(ISH) NEWSLETTER SPONSOR
Mediamasters Podcast
Paul Blanchard has got in touch to sponsor the
newsletter "My primary purpose is to see you
prosper! Love your work" and also promote his
podcast. There's lots of big media names on it
like Sir Trevor McDonald and Alan Rusbridger,
so get stuck in:
http://www.mediamasters.fm/
And if YOU also want to be a big sponsor then
fill "company sponsorship" in on the old
Patreon:
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: AND SPECIAL THANKS TO ED
For being our longest patreon
Follow him on the Twitter. Go on.
https://twitter.com/edzitron
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: TOP TOP
AN upturned camel makes an ideal goal frame in
the desert. (Monkey the Chicken)
Add your own at:
http://b3ta.com/questions/toptips
