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NEWSLETTER: "WOULD YOU USE A TIME MACHINE TO GO BACK IN TIME AND THROW A MILKSHAKE AT BABY HITLER?"

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This Week:
* GAME - Splash The Fash
* RUTLES - Fascinating Neil Innes podcast
* STUFF - Same old sperm & swearing content as usual

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're shitting the bed
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  and sticking the turdy 
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|  sheets into the wash"

B3ta email 717 - 27th May 2019

Read this issue whilst pretending to be a plum:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue717

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How do you know if Phil Collins has got root on your system?
Su-su-sudo.

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: SO WHAT'S BEEN HAPPENING TO OLD B3TANS
  Your guide to the trouble they're making

  * SPLASH THE FASH - Old B3tonians Matt Round
  and Mushybees have collaborated to make a game
  where you can throw milkshakes at fascists
  without the risk of getting a thump in face.
https://theovertake.com/~beta/splash-the-fash-with-our-new-game/

  * RUTLES PODCAST - Chris Shaw has been raising
  his game on the quality of his guests for his
  Beatles Podcast I Am The Eggpod. He started
  with your lazy editor Rob Manuel and now he's
  climbed the podcast ladder all the way to
  Rutles genius Neil Innes. It's a great episode,
  Neil gives so much.
https://iamtheeggpod.com/2019/05/18/neil-innes/

  * FIFTY YEAR OLD TINNED COW TONGUE - Ashens is
  eating a 50 y/o tongue. We couldn't get through
  this video. Stu you are a bad person.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSuUnuohFwY

  * BORIS JOHNSON SPERMY CHAT - Cassetteboy has
  been trolling Boris. Let's hope he's not the
  new PM ok and forces Mr Boy into the salt
  mines.
https://twitter.com/Cassetteboy/status/1129045200129671168

  * JOEL VEITCH CAUSES DIPLOMATIC INCIDENT -
  Veitch & Natt (Sir Ian Bowler) have made a chat
  show pilot with Vladimir Putin. And it's
  borderline caused a diplomatic incident. which
  is nice.
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/05/23/world/europe/bbc-putin-puppet.html

-------------------------------------------------

Robert Smith whispers "I spy with my little eye
something beginning with S" at the beginning of
Lullaby.

Playing I Spy is rubbish with The Cure as it's
always S and it's always a fucking spider.

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: B3TA BOOK NEWS!
  Coz yeah, paper is the new HTML

  * SISTERS OF MERCY BOOK FUNDED - We've been
  huge supporters of the Sisters Of Mercy
  biography and we're pleased to report that it's
  now been funded 100% and the author  Mark
  Andrews just now has to write it. (Old goth
  fans should look out for Wayne Hussey's
  biography too - where he makes amusing claims
  to have inspired Harry Potter)
https://unbound.com/books/sistersofmercy/

  * CYRIAK'S BOOK NEARLY OUT - Mutated Monty's
  novel is now being sent out to people who
  bought it on Unbound - it'll be available on
  Amazon soon.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B07NRYZQBB/b3ta-21

  * JOHN HIGGS NEW BOOK - B3tan friend John Higgs
  has written a book that turns the doom
  narrative on its head and says the future is
  going to be wonderful. Let's hope he's right.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1474609392/b3ta-21

-------------------------------------------------

Phil Oakey of the Human League never had
children. Which is a shame as if he had a
daughter who liked to sing his songs he
could call her Carrie Oakey.

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
  Content for your clicky paws

  * BEEFY MAN PLAYS TEARS FOR FEARS ON PIANO -
  You didn't know you wanted to watch a
  bodybuilder play Shout on the keyboards but
  you'll be glad you did. Great version.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRr8NeBBkFw

  * CREATE FAKE NEWS CHAOS - Turn a wweet into a
  Guardian headline.  
https://guardian-fun.glitch.me/1122521025827229696

  * IMPROVED SONG - Radiohead's Creep with lyrics
  rewritten by Google autocomplete. Not bad
  lyrics in places, traces of meaning suggest
  themselves, like someone looking at the modern
  world with bafflement and horror
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06TlZMQf2UA

  * THIS IS ART - bloke makes painting of dogs
  looking at the grave of the dogs they were
  cloned from. 
https://simonwillison.net/2019/Mar/7/oil-painting/

  * NOD TO THE RHYTHM. Make photos nod to the beat.
http://nodtotherhythm.com/

  * MATTHEW SMITH PODCAST INTERVIEW - Manic Miner
  bloke speaks. It's good to hear him and we hope
  he continues making public appearances. There's
  a lot of love for him out there.
https://overcast.fm/+F2TQVa9ps/53:53

-------------------------------------------------

What did David Bowman say to the wildcard
dictionary search? “Oh my god, it’s full of
st*rs”

-------------------------------------------------

: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Batman

  Here's the best images from last week:

  * A MAN'S GOTTA EARN A LIVING SOMEHOW from LS18:
http://b3ta.com/board/11286291

  * THIS from atomic
http://b3ta.com/board/11286454

  * TOXIC by Captain Howdy
http://b3ta.com/board/11286240

  * See all the other images from the 'Batman' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/batman


  >> This week: Food Weapons <<
  With Milkshake being classed as a deadly
  weapon, we thought we'd look at other food
  stuffs in a different light. Banana guns,
  yoghurt pot grenades, thermo nuclear
  cheesecake. get to it.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/foodweapons

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Please sign our petition to remake Jaws from the
point of view of the lost hungry shark who just
wanted to find his mummy and daddy.

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Free idea for inspiration

  * NEW OLD FORMATS - Question Time format is
  actually good - it's just ruined by having it
  cover contentious politics. Proof? Gardeners'
  Question Time on Radio 4 is basically the same
  thing and it's lovely. BBC should make Pets'
  Question Time.

  * NEW POLICIES - Inheritance tax should be
  100%. And every time someone dies it's like the
  national lottery and a random UK resident
  inheritance their entire estate.

  * NEW WAYS TO COMMEMORATE THE DEAD - Benches to
  commemorate dead loved ones are all well and
  good, but really, I've spent a lot of time in
  parks walking the dog in the last six months
  and parks don't need more benches. But a few
  dog bowls to pour water into would actually be
  really handy.

-------------------------------------------------

The dog diet: eat anything you like but with a
dog looking you in the eye going "go on, give me
a bit"

-------------------------------------------------

: CREDIT
  Edited by Rob Manuel  with help from Matt
  Round, Monkeon. Extra link via Yoofaloof

-------------------------------------------------

We've discovered this thing called a "radio"
that's just like an Alexa but you can turn it on
simply by pressing a button instead of repeatedly
talking to it in increasingly angry tones until
it does something you don't want it to do anyway.

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS

  BIGGEST BROTHERS: *EUGENIE VT*, *ALEX MORRIS*,
  *HEBTROCO*, *JAMES O'BRIEN*, *JAMES PETTS*,
  *JON GRANT*, *KATE*, *MARK MCCREADIE*, *MR PHIL
  DONNELLY*, *SHOWRAT*, *SIMON JAMES*,
  *STOOBERT*, *24-7 DEATH*, *ALAN CHARLTON*,
  *ALISTAIR*, *ANDREW FLEMMING*, *ANDREW WREN*,
  *BEVAN JOHNSON*, *BRIAN EELES*, *CHRIS
  BLAKENEY*, *CHRIS CARLINE*, *CHRIS LOCKE*,
  *CRISS MORENO*, *GEORGE STEPHENSON*, *GREG
  MCGOWAN*, *IAN SHEEN*, *JAIMIE VANDENBERGH*,
  *JAMES CRONIN*, *JON BINSTEAD*, *MARK ADAMSON*,
  *MICHAEL TRINDER*, *NAT KING COLESLAW*,
  *PATRICK CATES*, *RICHARD BARCLAY*, *SIMON
  NICHOLLS*, *SPAZZCAPTAIN*, *TOM DOLAN*, *WENDY
  GOODE

  BIGGER BROTHERS: NICK MORGAN, LEE BURNETT,
  @MATTDAWHIT, ADAM ATACK, ADAM COONEY, ADAM
  INGLIS, ADAM LLOYD, ADRIAN WOODFIELD, AL
  DAVIDSON, ALBION GRAY, ANDREW SCHEUBER, ANDY
  ASHTON, ANDY STORRAR, ANDY TILLETT, ANDY
  WEBBER, ANDY YATES`, ANNA, ANNE-MARIE SCOTT,
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  FARROW, C BOND, CARL MORGAN, CATHERINE
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  BRANCH, CHRIS EVANS, CHRIS GARRATT, CHRIS
  GOUGH, CHRIS PATERSON, CHRIS SAUNDERS, CHRIS
  SHAW, CHRIS WHITWORTH, CIARÁN R, COURTENAY
  FERRIS, CRAIG LIDDELL, CRAIG TONKS, CRAIG
  TURNER, DAMIEN SMITH, DAN STOTT, DANIEL BROWN,
  DANIEL CHOTE, DAVE NATTRISS, DAVE TICKLE, DAVID
  AULT, DAVID CATLEY, DAVID GARDINER, DAVID
  GREEN, DAVID KING, DAVID KNOLL, DAVID MILLS,
  DEREK LAW, DEREK ROBERTS, DOMINIC HAIGH, ED CAN
  DO, ED COOK, EDWARD ALMOND, EMMA LAY, ERIC VON
  BORSTEL, ESSY DAVE, FAITH H. MARTIN, FEARGHAS,
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  GEOFFREY BALME, GEORGE PRESTON, GIA MILINOVICH,
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  COLTHUP, HELEN GASKELL, IAIN, IAIN BRASSINGTON,
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  RUXTON, IAN BEVERIDGE, IAN BOLTZ, IVAN KELLY,
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  DABELL, JIM FRAYLING, JIM HALFPENNY, JIM
  MACARTHUR, JIM WOODWARD, JOE BANNER, JOE
  MCNALLY, JOE SIMMONDS, JOEY MOORE, JOHN
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  WATTERS, JONTY WAREING, JOSH MCMILLAN, JOSHUA
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  MIKE MIDDLETON, MIL JAMIESON, MONTOCAT, NEIL DE
  CARTERET, NICK ROSS, OBIW4N SHINOBI, OLIVER
  BEWES, PAUL CHERRY, PAUL LEADER, PAUL SMITH,
  PAUL WESTERMAN, PETER ASHTRAY, PETER COOMBE,
  PETER GOSLING, PETER MCMINN, PETER WOUDA,
  PHILIP KINCHINGTON, POOKONG, REBECCA MCMANUS,
  RHYS WYNNE, RICH POPE, RICHARD BECKETT, RICHARD
  MATTHIAS, RICK LINDLEY, RIVEN A BUCKLEY, ROB
  AFFLECK, ROB MAHON, ROB VINCENT, ROBBIE LESIUK,
  ROBERT HILLS, ROBIN, ROSS CARTER,
  ROSSOVERTHERE, RUPERT HULL, RYAN DORAN, RYAN
  RHODES, SALEEM AHMAD, SAM ANDERSON, SAM
  RUSSELL, SARAH WILLIAMSON, SCOTT S. KRAMER,
  SEAN CASELY, SIMON COWAN, SIMON HOLMES, SIMON
  MCDOUGALL, SIMON SMITH, SIMON WATERFALL,
  STARLORD MIXTAPE, STEPHEN WALLER, STEVE
  ANGLESEY, STEVE LAKER, STEVE PROWSE, , STEVEN
  SMITH, STEVEY GARLAND, STEWART NOLAN, STUART
  ALLDRED, STUART ASHEN, TIM JOKL, TIM MOUNCER,
  TIM WEAVER, TOM CRICK, TOM HEBBRON, TOM
  REES-WILLIAMS, TOM RYAN, TOM WRIGHT,
  TOWNSENDSPUBLISHER, TYRONNE MANN, VICKI JAKES,
  WIL HADDEN, WILL GOULDEN, GAVIN TOMMEY, IAN
  APPLEBY, PETE, STUART RICHARDS, TOBIE FYSH,
  CARL MESNER LYONS, CHRIS JOHNSON, EMMA SYKES,
  JAN SPIELHOFF, JESS BAKER, JOHN FIELD, MIKE
  CONGREVE, SEAN FLANAGAN, TOM FREKE, ED ZITRON,
  ADAM BEARDWOOD, DAVID STARK, ALASTAIR DODD,
  ALEXANDRE STRUBE, ANDREW ROBINSON, ANDY
  CANDLER, CHRIS GOODE, CONNOR PARSLOW, CRAIG
  NAPLES, DAN TASSE, DANIEL MOELLER, DANNY
  KODICEK, DOMINIC LE GARSMEUR, DUNCAN
  STRICKLAND, HARRY, IRENE SEMANCHUK, JOSEPH
  MULVANEY, JULIE BEACOCK, MARK BENSON, MICHAEL
  KITT, NICKY HEWGILL, PAUL TOPPING, PETER ROYAL,
  RICHARD SPEED, ROSE JOHNSON, SENTIENT MEATBAG,
  TIM BEACHY

  BIG BROTHERS: Deny Coughlan, Peter Cooper, Nick
  Kent, Russ Anderson, 5telios, Adam Kaczmarek,
  Adam Tickner, Al Napp, Alex Wren, Alex
  Wrottesley, Amy Oliver, Andrea Vail, Andrew
  Harris, Andy Nattan, Andy Shirling, Ben, Ben
  Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben Groom, Ben
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  Centuries of Sound, Chris Ward, Christina
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  Parry, David Bond, David Ellinor, David
  Whittam, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
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  Freeman, Gwyn Fisher, Hadleigh Charles, Hugh
  Noble, Iain M Barker, Ian Silvester, Ilya, Ivan
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  Swedemason, Tanya Kant, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim
  Knight, Tim Polglase, Tom Clark, Tony East,
  Victoria Wood, wigglywigglyworm, Wine School of
  Philadelphia.

  Please bung us your cash:
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

-------------------------------------------------

: YAY WE HAVE A NEW(ISH) NEWSLETTER SPONSOR
  Mediamasters Podcast

  Paul Blanchard has got in touch to sponsor the
  newsletter "My primary purpose is to see you
  prosper! Love your work" and also promote his
  podcast. There's lots of big media names on it
  like Sir Trevor McDonald and Alan Rusbridger,
  so get stuck in:
http://www.mediamasters.fm/

  And if YOU also want to be a big sponsor then
  fill "company sponsorship" in on the old
  Patreon:
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

-------------------------------------------------

Let's play 'tech movies':

Rear Windows 3.1
Stand By Windows ME
Lost In Google Translation
Some Like It Hot Key
It's a Wonderful iLife
Dos Boot
Taxi Driver.dll
The (dot) Matrix (printer)

-------------------------------------------------

: AND SPECIAL THANKS TO ED
  For being our longest patreon

  Follow him on the Twitter. Go on.
https://twitter.com/edzitron

-------------------------------------------------

: TOP TIP
  IF MAKING COFFEE FOR GUESTS - stand in the
  kitchen for 5 minutes, making "prk, prk"
  noises, before serving up cups of instant. Your
  guests will be impressed with your percolated
  coffee, and think you dead posh. (monster
  munch)
http://b3ta.com/questions/toptips

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