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NEWSLETTER: "PETER GABRIEL NAMES AGONY UNCLE SERVICE PG TIPS"

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This Week:
* QUIZ - Play Your Postcards RIGHT
* BOT - How long until Chernobyl is livable? 
* CHALLENGE - Animals in movies

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're eating our earwax,
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  it's surprisingly okish
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|     ... together"

B3ta email 718 - 07 Jun 2019

Read this whilst farting the hits of Duran Duran:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue718

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Pain au chocolat is acceptable as breakfast
because it's French. Imagine if it was British.
"What did you have for breakfast? Chocolate
bread? What are you, a child?"

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK
  Other than making sinister hand signals

  >> Play your postcards right <<
  Monkeon writes, "An unlaunched game I made for
  UsVsTh3m a few years back, which I thought I'd
  fish out of the bin." Ah glad you did Monkeon,
  this is a fine bit of interactive
  entertainment.
https://www.monkeon.co.uk/playyourpostcardsright/

  >> Can You Recognise the Facial Features of These Celebrity Chefs? <<
  Bill G Christmas writes, "I've not posted on
  here in an age but this thing I made while
  looking at face detection APIs seems
  appropriate."
https://www.isthisjamieoliversnose.com/ 

  >> Tory Leadership Racer <<
  Andrew-T writes, "The Tory leadership race is
  both boring and terrifying so I thought I'd
  turn it into a Snes-style kart-racing game that
  is hopefully neither."
https://github.andrewt.net/tory-leadership-racer/ 


-------------------------------------------------

Fuck it - let's do new names for Chuka's party

The Glib Dems
Middlemen
The alt-shite
Neu Labour
Centrist Duds
Chuka Can'ts
HDMI Splitters
People's Front of Judea
Remainers who love to Leave
The who now?

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Amazon doing smart plugs for £10. We
simultaneously think this is cool but can't think
of a single way this would improve our lives.
Home automation was always some sci-fi dream but
now it's here we're just a bit "but it's
pointless". Use promo code SMARTPLUG at checkout,
or don't. Who cares? (To be fair, might be quite
useful if you struggle with mobility)
https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B01NAXS22M/b3ta-21

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"People who measure in feet and inches are twats"
says man who eats 30cm pizza whilst watching his
101.6cm TV, wearing his 81.28cm jeans.

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
  Feed this content into your open maw

  * CHERNOBYL BOT - world has gone mad for the
  Hangover 3 sequel Chernobyl, but the thing
  we're really enjoying is this real-time bot
  that shows how long it'll take before the
  abandoned town is safe again. Well done
  humanity, making our world uninhabitable for
  humans one square inch at a time.
https://twitter.com/chernobylstatus/status/1134444635600891904

  * NEAT ENCODING METHOD - A novel way of sending
  encoded messages.  We can't think of anything
  that we could be bothered doing a 15x15 puzzle
  for, so that's presumably a secure way of
  sending your banking details to someone.
https://pycto.io/decrypt/?hash=Hk6FuF9f1i 

  * WORZEL GUMMIDGE PAEDOPHILE SONG - we hope the
  BBC Worzel Gummidge reboot includes "never talk
  to a stranger" - possibly the creepiest thing
  ever made in the name of protecting kids. "No
  matter what is said you could just end up dead"
  is the greatest lyric in the history of pop,
  and so gleefully delivered: Worzel wants these
  kids dead. All of them.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBSU0JYwIvo 

  * ETCH-A-SKETCH CAMERA - a fun Raspberry Pi
  project.  Hopefully to be followed by a *picks
  random 80s Toy and electronic gadget* Teddy
  Ruxpin Alexa.
https://www.donttakepictures.com/dtp-blog/2019/5/27/martin-fitzpatricks-etch-a-snap-etch-a-sketch-camera 

  * PHOTOGRAPHER REUNITES PEOPLE HE FIRST SPOTTED
  ON THE STREETS 40 YEARS AGO - Chris Porsz took
  photos of people in his hometown of
  Peterborough, Cambridgeshire in the late 1970s
  and 80s. Decades later he set out to find them.
http://flashbak.com/photographer-reunites-people-he-first-spotted-on-the-streets-40-years-ago-413503/

  * TALK TO TRANSFORMER - AI thing which
  autocompletes based on a chunk of text. You
  have to play around with it a bit, but when it
  works the results are rofl etc.
https://talktotransformer.com/

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Hollywood porn films we've just made up:

One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Breast
Das Booty
American History XXX
Casawanker
The Great Dicktator
Bravehardon
Dr Strangelover
Paths Of Gloryholes
Sex Toy Story 3
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Behind
Good Will Cunting
Reservoir Snogs

Sorry.

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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Food Weapons

  Here's the best images from last week:
  
  * SHAKEN NOT STIRRED - monkeon.
http://b3ta.com/board/11286795

  * I'D BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR - HappyToast.
http://b3ta.com/board/11286839

  * HE'LL TEAR YOUR ROULE APART - (Captain Howdy)
http://b3ta.com/board/11286978

  And here's them all:
https://b3ta.com/challenge/foodweapons/popular/


  >> This week: Animal Movie Posters <<
  Replace actors with animals in movie posters to
  give us some wonderful movie/animal puns. The
  Codfather, Fight Cub, Apocalypse Cow. It's a
  classic b3ta animals in movie posters
  challenge.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/animalmovieposters

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Bands could play their own names on a keyboard:

ABBA
ABC
AC/DC

(There's probably more but we got bored looking)

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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Dubious but free ideas for you dear reader

  * VIZ CARTOON - called Piers' Organ, where it's
  like The Numskulls but it's lots of dicks
  living instead Piers' dick and they control
  what he does. "Oh god, someone is getting
  attention on the internet, how can I insert
  myself in the middle of it and make it about
  ME."

  * COVER VERSIONS - Sledgehammer covered by
  Sister Sledge and MC Hammer please.

  * 1980s HOME AUTOMATION - People get into retro
  stuff but we want to see someone automate their
  house with their Amstrad CPC. Seriously we just
  read about "red box" - a system for turning
  individual plugs on and off all powered by
  Alan's finest.

  Send your shite to:
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

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New song titles that you can also play as notes
and suggestions on who should perform them:

Bad Beef (Kanye West)
Edge Decade (Bowie)
Bed Face (Ariana Grande)
Dada Babe (Ultravox)

Obviously you could also have stuff like "dead
cabbage" but that would be silly and we don't
like silly songs.

-------------------------------------------------

: CREDIT
  Edited / written whatever you call it, by Rob
  Manuel. Additional links from Monkeon & Matt
  Round, i124nk8 & Zuowan. Joke by Delay Tactics.
  Tip by The Archduke of South London.

-------------------------------------------------

: TOP TIP

  * INTERNET GEEKS - trick your online friends
  into thinking you have real friends by not
  logging online for a few hours.
http://b3ta.com/questions/toptips/all

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS

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: YAY WE HAVE A NEW(ISH) NEWSLETTER SPONSOR
  Mediamasters Podcast

  Paul Blanchard has got in touch to sponsor the
  newsletter "My primary purpose is to see you
  prosper! Love your work" and also promote his
  podcast. There's lots of big media names on it
  like Sir Trevor McDonald and Alan Rusbridger,
  so get stuck in:
http://www.mediamasters.fm/

  And if YOU also want to be a big sponsor then
  fill "company sponsorship" in on the old
  Patreon:
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

-------------------------------------------------

The human urge to correct strangers on the
internet is why Twitter is so bad and Wikipedia
is so good.

-------------------------------------------------

: AND SPECIAL THANKS TO ED
  For being our longest patreon

  Follow him on the Twitter. Go on.
https://twitter.com/edzitron

-------------------------------------------------

: I'M SORRY I'VE WRITTEN A JOKE

  How do they put the holes in a colander?
  Sieve I care. 
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/all/

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