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NEWSLETTER: "GOODNIGHT MUSHY - YOU WILL BE MISSED"

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"Goodnight Mushy - you will be missed"
This Week:
* CONFESSIONS - Your Lostprophets tattoos (!)
* IMAGE CHALLENGE RESULTS - Make things ROCK
* YES, THIS IS B3TA'S 20th YEAR - yes, we are old
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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're shitting up the  
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ | the web with bad content
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| as usual... together"

B3ta email 769 - 08 May 2021

Read this issue over ambient jazz:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue769

-------------------------------------------------

: UPSHOT SPONSORSHIP
  Spicing up the bland world of sports coverage

  If you like sport, you'll love the Upshot - a
  weekly newsletter dishing out gossip,
  controversy and tasteless jokes from the world
  of British sport.

  Sign up for free and get a five minute hit of
  sporting filth every Friday.
https://upshot.email/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE MADE THIS WEEK
  Other than crusty snot sculptures of spaceships

  * SHARDCORE - b3ta's pet AI tinkerer Shardcore
  has been doing more dickery with AI.
http://www.shardcore.org/shardpress2019/2021/04/29...

  * HAPPYTOAST VS COLD WAR STEVE - Happytoast
  has been animating Cold War Steve's photoshops
  to dramatic effect:
https://www.patreon.com/posts/50953425

  * BIRMINGHAM IS NOT SHIT BOOK - Last week we
  mentioned that our brum chums 'Birmingham:
  It's Not Shit' chaps were crowdfunding a book,
  18 years after this very newsletter wrote them
  a theme song, and now it's officially open and
  you can throw your Brummy pennies at them.
https://kickstarter.com/projects/paradisecircus/bi...

-------------------------------------------------

Also a sad update on Mushy from her ex-partner
who writes that she "died incredibly peacefully
yesterday evening at the garden House Hospice.
It was so gentle and we will forever be grateful
to them." Mushy contributed so many great bad
taste gags to B3ta in the mid 2000s and she will
be genuinely missed. We'll just leave this
incredibly bad taste bit about Kurt Cobaine she
did that has never left our head:
https://b3ta.com/links/Kurdt_Kobain_in_10_seconds

If you want to say something - add it to this
thread so we can all read it all in one place -
thank you.
https://b3ta.com/board/11343352

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: FESSHOLE
  Your confessions, fessed into a hole, like
  vomit

  Every day we ask you to confess your sins and
  then pump them out on social media for cheap
  likes, here's three of the best this week:

  * TATTOO - "I have a massive tattoo of the
  band Lostprophets on my back which is way too
  large to remove. Fortunately most people don't
  know who they were but when I meet someone who
  does I just want the ground to eat me up. Talk
  about fucking regrets."

  * EXPLOITATION - "My job is repetitive and
  boring it's data entry and since working from
  home I've 'outsourced' it to my 16 year old
  son, I showed him what to do and he enters the
  data giving me 6 hours of my day to get jobs
  done I otherwise have to do at night- I pay
  him £10 a day."

  * HUMILIATION - "I'm a Departmental Manager
  and was hosting a Zoom conference call for the
  whole department. My partner brought me a cup
  of tea, but I didn't realise until the end of
  the call that, every time I took a sip, the
  words 'I'm A Twat' could be seen on the bottom
  of the cup."

 Join the 133,330 people who should know better:
https://twitter.com/fesshole

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What do you call molluscs wearing bovver boots?
Slugs (from Madness)

-------------------------------------------------

: HEBTRO SPONSORSHIP
  Yes, buy lovely woolly socks

  Do you own feet at the end of your legs? Well
  Hebtroco have a product called "socks" that
  work as kind of innertubes for your shoes so
  that you don't have to throw away your shoes
  every day. Buy some now, they're toasty and
  warm and will save you a fortune.
https://hebtro.co/product-category/sock_range/

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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff made by other people in the content mines

  * LOW-POLY ANIMALS - yesterday's junk is
  today's nostalgia and now there's a generation
  looking back fondly on the graphics in N64
  games and getting the same proustian rush that
  this writer gets from remembering when you
  could buy Mojo sweets for 1/2p.
https://twitter.com/lowpolyanimals

  * WHAT 3 /RUDE/ WORDS - What3words rightly
  gets criticised for being a good idea that
  shouldn't have a patent and just be free to
  adopt. This Twitter account amuses itself by
  finding the rude combinations inherent in the
  system:
https://twitter.com/what3rudewords

  * LOVELY MINIMALIST PUZZLER - not enough games
  give every screen a title, even though it's an
  easy way to add a bit of personality. Just
  because no one is as good at naming screens as
  Matthew Smith is no reason not to try.
https://bumpsquare.com

  * MAYBE I'M A MAZE - Turns out that watching
  mazes being solved is an incredibly relaxing
  experience.  Might try watching the end of The
  Shining backwards to see if it’s as zen as
  this.
https://mazette.net

  * THE TRUTH ABOUT WII FIT - great little
  animation for those that remember. 
https://twitter.com/kn0nker/status/138858900157832...

  * JAMES BOND = ALAN PARTRIDGE? John Gardner's
  1980s James Bond novels, which frequently
  appear to have been ghost-written by Alan
  Partridge. A few more examples and probably
  could make a "Bond or Partridge?" quiz.
https://twitter.com/MrNeilAlcock/status/1387683033...

-------------------------------------------------

: I'M SORRY I'VE WRITTEN A JOKE
  Your "joke" - published to shame you

  This week it's over to Spacefish for his
  "joke":

  "What do you call a big reptile that gets
  someone else to bite you? A deligator."

  If you've written a worse joke than Spacefish
  then tell us:
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/...

-------------------------------------------------

The hill you're most likely to die on is
Everest, with more than 300 people dying
attempting to reach the summit.

-------------------------------------------------

: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Rock

  Last week we asked you to ame everything rock!
  Turn books, toys, food, animals and films up
  to 11 with a rock and roll makeover, and
  here's the best three images:

  * HAN SOLO DOES GUITAR SOLO - from Plankton:
http://b3ta.com/board/11343104

  * DODDINTEGRATION  from Ninj:
http://b3ta.com/board/11343029

  * KURT CORBYN  from Octo
http://b3ta.com/board/11343004

  See all the other images from the 'Rock' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/rock/popular/

  >> This week: Science in films <<
  Make films more scientific. Correct the
  terrible physics and chemistry mistakes in
  movies or just put a test tube in people’s
  hands for comedic effect.
https://b3ta.com/challenge/scienceinfilms/popular/

-------------------------------------------------

: YOUR ANONYMOUS OPINIONS
  Popular opinions from the unpopular opinion bot

  The fundamental contradiction of the unpopular
  opinion bot is that if we approved all
  horrible opinions it would be horrible and
  wouldn't actually be popular. So here's some
  that have got lots of useless favs recently:

  * HORSE RIDERS wearing those fucking 'POLITE'
  high-vis should be prosecuted for
  impersonating a police officer.

  * CHEESE AND ONION CRISPS should be in a green
  bag.

  * GOLF is for cunts. Only cunts play golf. If
  you play golf, you're a cunt.

  Anyway, go and join in the arguments - that's
  what it's for, if you didn't have enough rows
  already:
https://twitter.com/anon_opin

-------------------------------------------------

: FOLLOW UPS
  What happened next on previous stories

  * SNOPES LIKE MONKEON'S GAME - the "Snopes or
  Nopes" quiz launched in last week's newsletter
  went down a storm with the staff of the
  world's leading poo-pooing agency "Fact: Our
  staff is obsessed with playing this game."
https://twitter.com/snopes/status/1389264305116389...

  * SMASH HITS BOT GETS NEIL TENNANT SHOUT -
  your editor's bot that interviews people in
  the style of Smash Hits gets a small shout out
  from the lead singer of the Petty Shop Boyos -
  20 mins into this podcast.
https://play.acast.com/s/bigmouth/fifthbirthdayspe...

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Three / free ideas for you to riff off

  * WHAT THREE TURDS - every location on earth
  geolocated by three words for shit.
  Jobby.Plop.Dung = 10 Downing Street etc.

  * LONG CORBYN - there's been a lot of bad
  takes that Labour's troubles are due to 'long
  Corbyn' - but can you make it into a game
  where you see how long it takes you to scroll
  'long Corbyn'? Then maybe a bonus level with
  long Rebecca Long-Bailey.

  * RADIOHEAD'S OK COMPUTER, THE COMPUTER GAME -
  keep pressing OK but never cancel else little
  Thommy Yorke will emote about refrigerators.

  Go on, make some stuff, you lazy fuck shits
  who don't deserve us:  
https://b3ta.com/mailus/ 

-------------------------------------------------

If your children are old enough that they no
longer piss everywhere and you miss it - get a
puppy

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS 
  We love all these people. Almost sexually.

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
  JAMES* *STOOBERT*

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
  Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
  McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
  Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
  Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
  Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
  Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
  Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
  James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
  Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
  Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
  Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
  James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
  Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
  Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
  Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
  Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
  Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
  Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
  Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
  bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
  Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
  wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
  Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
  Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
  Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
  Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
  Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
  Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
  Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
  Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
  Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
  Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
  Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
  Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
  Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
  Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
  Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
  Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
  Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
  Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
  McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
  Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
  Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
  Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
  Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
  Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
  Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
  Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
  Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
  Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
  Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
  Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
  Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
  Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
  peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
  Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
  Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
  Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
  Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
  Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
  Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
  John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
  Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
  Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
  Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
  olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
  M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
  Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
  Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
  Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
  Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
  Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
  Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
  Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
  McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
  Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
  Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
  Kahn, Matt.

  EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
  additional links; HappyToast for image
  challenge help; and Dr Dunno for something or
  other. Proofing by Kat E.

  And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
  Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
  Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
  Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
  NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
  Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
  Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
  Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
  Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
  Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
  Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
  Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. We love you and
  do please donate as you get occasional bonus
  content.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

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