NEWSLETTER: "IMAGINE OPENING THIS NEWSLETTER WILL MAKE YOU EVEN MORE SEXUALLY ATTRACTIVE"
This Week:
* AUGMENTED REALITY SANDWICHES - Finally!
* WICKER MAN / BOND - Mashed up together
* CHALLENGE - Northern films (quite good)
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shitting on your
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | boss's desk
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| ... together"
B3ta email 775 - 18th Jun 2021
Ram this issue up your pee hole and TikTok it:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue775
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: UPSHOT SPONSORSHIP
Spicing up the bland world of sports coverage
If you like sport, you'll love the Upshot - a
weekly newsletter dishing out gossip,
controversy and tasteless jokes from the world
of British sport.
Sign up for free and get a five minute hit of
sporting filth every Friday.
https://upshot.email/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than selling their back sweat as saltylick
* WICKER MAN / BOND MASH UP - pixel twiddler
to the stars Mozza writes, "Apart from the
fact that both The Wicker Man (1973) and The
Man With the Golden Gun (1975) starred
Christopher Lee and Britt Eckland, there were
enough similarities between the island arrival
scenes in each to attempt a cut-and-shut. I
shoved the clips in Final Cut and, with
minimal tweaking, it basically mashed itself."
https://b3ta.com/links/The_Wicker_Man_With_the_Gol...
* AUGMENTED REALITY CRISP SANDWICH - Matt
Round writes, "We’ve given you photos, videos,
illustrations & 3D models, but now you can
instantly bring a delicious 3D crisp sandwich
right into your surroundings."
https://vole.wtf/buttystock/ar/
* DIY HORROR MOVIE - Jamie Hooper writes, "I
made this short horror film during the first
UK lockdown with what I had available... my
phone, a cheap reading light, and my wonderful
girlfriend. Waking up in the middle of the
night, a young woman realises she's not alone,
and something is taking her photo."
https://vimeo.com/jamiehooper/darkmode
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We hear eBay has banned Ian Astbury and Ultravox CDs.
Can't sell Cult / Ure.
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: HEBTRO SPONSORSHIP
Buy some lovely jeans
Thanks to Hebtro for sponsoring b3ta, helping
us to be able to put the time into researching
this newsletter every week. They make powerful
jeans that aren't cheap but will last a long
time and every pair bought helps support
stupid internet nonsense so dig deep you
lovely people.
https://hebtro.co/
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: FESSHOLE
Your confessions pooped out for cheap lols
* BED - "If I've just changed the bed, I
always make sure my husband finishes off in my
mouth for a few days so I can enjoy clean
sheets for longer."
* READING - "I bought my 78-year-old mum a
Kindle to help get her through lockdown,
linked it to my Amazon Prime account, and told
her to download whatever she wanted. Since
then she's been downloading two or three
filthy books a week. She doesn't know I know
and I'm keeping my mouth shut."
* HEADLINES - "My wife and I did a 'message in
a bottle' in 1999 for our son to find. We
dated it 1956 and from another continent. We
planted the bottle on the beach but then
couldn't find it. 3 weeks later it was front
page news in our local newspaper. We didn't
own up."
Also a special mention the BBC who decided to
write up one confession and the subsequent
replies as the article "The relatives frozen
in time on Google Street View"
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-57511055
BTW: Your editor was interviewed about the
Fesshole stuff on the Make Life Work podcast
this week - where he completely failed to
mention any of the funny(ish) confessions but
hey, if you're bored, you might give it a
listen.
https://makelifeworkpodcast.com/fesshole-with-rob-...
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Some stuff made by other people that's okish
* BBC DEV LOLS - Looks like just a stock photo
header... but try editing the text on the
laptop screen and BOOM, well you can.
https://developer.bbc.com/login-required
* DOWNLOAD LOADS OF OLD RADIO - Second BBC
link and just a heads up that they've expanded
the amount of material available to listen to
from the archive. Now there's something like
200,000 bits and bobs. You could probably lose
the rest of your life in this.
https://genome.ch.bbc.co.uk/
* TREK LOLS - We all know the Star Trek bit
about Picard's uniform constantly riding up so
he'd have to pull it down every time he stood
up - but now it's even better with editing.
https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php
* MACPAINT SIMULATOR - Photoshop in the
browser is impressive enough, but now MacPaint
is available online, in order to draw rude
HyperCards for DMing at Steve Wozniak.
https://beyondloom.com/tools/ditherpaint.html
* LOCKDOWN SONG - If you don't heavily relate
to this video then you're not our friend.
https://b3ta.com/links/The_Big_Breakfast_video
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: FRIDAY GAME
Maze Of The Mini Taur
A mash-up of a sliding-block puzzle and a
platformer. For some reason, none of the
levels are locked, so you can just jump to the
end if you are a massive cheat and can live
with that on your conscience.
https://z-richman.itch.io/maze-of-the-mini-taur
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Northern films
They're currently filming Indiana Jones in
Yorkshire. What other Hollywood blockbusters
should be relocated to the North of England
and what would that look like? This is quite
fun and worth a click.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/northernfilms/popular
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: FOLLOW UPS
What happened next on previous stories
* GOODBYE HUGO RUNE, YOU WILL BE MISSED -
shocked and saddened to share the news that
we've lost old school b3tan Hugo Rune far too
soon - if you'd like to pay your respects:
https://b3ta.com/board/11346118
* B3TA ADS SCORE REPEAT BUSINESS - Thank you
to our newsletter sponsor Upshot for buying an
additional month - they're an email newsletter
about sport and the founder said that
sponsorship went well for them so they're back
for more. So please return the love (should
you like sport) by signing up at
https://upshot.email/
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How does Bob Marley like his doughnuts?
He doesn't - he's dead.
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/...
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to kick you off
* A 'GO AND LIVE ON A FARM' SERVICE FOR OLD
DVDS - we've got loads of DVDs and CDs and
stuff and we're too attached to bin them or
charity shop them. Can't there be a pretend
farm they could go to, like you tell children
when you kill their pets?
* A DELETE BUTTON FOR THE STONE THAT EVERYONE
HAS PUT ON IN LOCKDOWN - Jesus wept, we can't
even do up the big trousers we had to buy from
getting fat over the last lockdown.
* MAGIC BOOZE THAT DOESN'T MAKE YOU USELESS OR
FAT - why can't science solve this simple
problem that's plaguing humanity?
Sling your junk in our web trunk:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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It will take 38,446,700,000 penises placed end
to end to reach The Moon.
(This was a fact from a webpage that Hugo Rune
once produced to get a mention in this very
newsletter.)
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
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James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
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Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
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Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
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Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image
challenge help; and Dr Dunno for extra
support. Proofing by David S - Kat E is having
a week off so thanks David.
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST -
special love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart.
NEW NEWSEST - extra love love love to si
Jobling & Danuel Calvin. We love you and do
please donate as you get occasional bonus
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