NEWSLETTER: "FANS OF BAD SECTORS SHOULD HAVE THEIR HARD DRIVES CHECKED"
"Fans of bad sectors should have their hard drives checked"
This Week:
* MUSHYBEES - Sponsored run
* FESSHOLE - Best advice on fly-tippers ever
* CHALLENGE - Prince Andrew results
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shitting up the
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | collective toilet with
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| shit ... together"
B3ta email 785 - 27 Aug 2021
Read this issue to your disinterested goldfish:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue785
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Other than making fungal growths on their toes
* MUSHYBEES SPONSORED RUN - "Hi B3ta. I hope
you don't mind me dropping you a line like
this. On 12 September, my friend Dean and I
are running the Brighton marathon on behalf of
Macmillan Cancer Support. Dean is a long time
friend of Katie Coxall who I know was really
active on b3ta. In fact, the reason we chose
to run for that particular charity is because
Dean saw just how much help Macmillan gave
Katie as she was battling the cancer. We're
trying to raise as much as we can obviously.
Is there any way in which you could share our
sponsorship link please? Anything you could do
would be massively appreciated."
https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/Team/DeanandJonsm...
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: FESSHOLE
Your confessions fessed up for cheap lols
Each week you shit in a bucket and we gargle
the contents looking for the chunkiest lumps:
* TITS - "Persuaded my wife to stand on her
head while naked. We both decided upside down
tits were about the most hilarious thing on
the planet. Weeks later it still makes us
laugh when we mention it."
* GREGGS - "On my way to work each morning I
get 2 bacon rolls from greggs. I get brown
sauce on one and red on the other so the girl
serving doesn't think they are both for me."
* GENIUS - "Someone fly-tipped a bag in a
local beauty spot containing Amazon packaging
with their address. I re-packaged selected
items and popped them in the post box without
a stamp. They will need to visit the depot to
collect their rubbish and pay postage. Hi
Gordon, you've got mail."
Link goes to the best-of for July which is
actually a dead good read and a "bumper crop".
https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/14300993888739...
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Content made by some other cunts
* THE WEB IS SHITE - remember the web being
good? It's utterly fucked now isn't it - as
this accurate simulation shows. We probably
need to save the web again, as that was our
mission - but we're tired. Giving people with
no understanding of usability access to Google
Tag Manager has been an interesting experiment
in web design.
https://how-i-experience-web-today.com/
* PINBALL VIDEO - The artists who did the
walking animation challenge a few months back
have followed it up with this lovely mix of a
marble run and game of exquisite corpse.
Stupidly impressive animation skills on
display, and a rather relaxing watch to boot.
https://youtube.com/watch
* SQUARE FOOD TWATS - What makes me laugh
about these chancers is that they clearly
worked backwards from the phrase "square meal"
and thought "what if we did this literally?"
Spent ages dicking with food, did it, & then
found they couldn't get the domain name and
ended up with:
https://squareat.com/
* USE AI TO MAKE PIXEL ART - this allows you
to type stuff like "Rick Astley" into a box,
wait 10 minutes, and out pops from quite
convincing pixel art. If you can get it to
work - we've linked to the thread as there's
advice there, but we got it working and
enjoyed it a lot.
https://twitter.com/tg_bomze/status/14279188317213...
* VANITY NUMBER PLATES - wonderful documentary
about a man who owns the N2GEL number plate
being introduced to his nemesis who owns the
N1GEL. We noticed it was uploaded by the bloke
featured, with some comments by him, "no-one
wanted to buy it after the bad press it got in
'YR 50 V41N', lol. I've been too embarrassed
to use it on the road though, and the car's
been SORNed for the last four years."
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* PROPERTY WITH UNDERGROUND BUNKER AVAILABLE
IN ISLINGTON - we want this for the B3ta
Bunker so badly. Surely we have a few readers
who made it big with Bitcoin who could buy it
for us? £800k, no chain.
https://www.zoopla.co.uk/for-sale/details/59557159...
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: HEBTRO SPONSORSHIP
Buy lovely, hard-wearing clothes
Hebtroco have rejigged their website so check
it out if you haven't checked it out before
and fill your boots with... boots, as they do
actually sell boots along with the jeans.
https://hebtro.co/
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: FRIDAY GAME(S)
Two for the price of zero
* DESTROY THE PLANET - A bleak clicker, in
which the aim is to use up all the planet's
resources as fast as possible. No option to
randomly send super rich people on space
flights for no reason, sadly.
https://elektito.itch.io/destroy-the-planet
* GEOGUESSER MEETS GRAND THEFT AUTO - nice
idea but we don't know GTA well enough to know
how fun it is. Maybe we can ask Monkeon to
remake it so it deposits you in a random room
in Jet Set Willy?
https://gta-geoguesser.com/
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: LET'S HEAR IT FOR ANON OPIN
Your shit opinions in bite-sized chunder chunks
It's the week where anon_opin crawled to over
40k followers so let's celebrate with
mentioning what people have been rowing about
this week:
* FUCK THE SYSTEM - "HR's job is to protect
the company, not you. They will crush you in a
second if you present the slightest threat to
their reputation or the bottom line."
* RACISMS "It all went to fucking shit when
Nick Griffin was gifted a slot on Question
Time by BBC fuckwits. That's when bar room
bigots thought, 'We're official now. We've
made it.'"
* LAW "Almost every 'special' law - usually
with the victim's name in - that people
campaign for is already an offence under
existing law. You are letting politicians off
the hook for underfunding the police and legal
system if you allow a narrative that says we
need a new law."
New rows everyday from the machine that's got
a hot take for everyone:
https://twitter.com/search
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What do you call Stevie Wonder?
Anything you like - he can't hear you!!!
Queef Richard's is sorry he's written a joke:
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Prince Andrew
Here's the best images from last week:
* DISTRACTED BOYFRIEND MEME - from Octo
https://b3ta.com/board/11349259
* NAUGHTY CHARLES - from Chumps
https://b3ta.com/board/11349202
* SAVILE ROW - from Ballymoran
https://b3ta.com/board/11349015
* See all the other images from the 'Prince
Andrew' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/princeandrew/popular
>> This week: Sainsburys Archive <<
Sainsbury's have uploaded thousands of product
and packaging scans into an excellent design
archive. Do your worst.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/sainsburys/popular
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
Follow ups on previous stories
* B3TA PHOTOSHOP GOES VIRAL - This is turning
up everywhere, mostly uncredited. If you see
it - tell people it was made by Ninj on B3ta.
https://b3ta.com/board/11349626
* HAPPY TOAST IN PRIVATE EYE - he's got a
cartoon in the best UK Magazine that isn't
Viz. You'll have to buy it to see it. Remember
buying things? You know, in shops?
* READING EMAILS TO US FROM 2015 THAT WE
MISSED AT THE TIME - this one was probably
worth including: Riffjedibaby writes, "Hello
Rob/newsletter crew. Would you kindly consider
my silly fryup blog for your next newsletter,
its an *I made this* and featured in popular
links recently. There's lots more fryup
nonsense since then, it’s a bit of crap free
website timewasting fun and keeping me
relatively sane, but contains stunning
original food things!"
https://doctorfry.wordpress.com
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some free ideas to inspire you to make shit
OK as this section is hard to fill we're going
to go into the B3ta library and pick a book
and use it to make up three projects. Ok, it's
Ian MacDonald's Revolution In The Head so
they're all going to be Beatles stuff ok?
* FREE AS A BIRD - right so this one will be a
game, you hear the tune and it's all dreamy,
but the game is duck hunt and you've got to
blast the fuckers from the sky. Do not shoot
Yoko.
* DIG A PONY - hmm, another game, where you
bury horse corpses?
* NOWHERE MAN - well this would be like spot
the ball but it's not the ball that's missing
but the footballer.
Fuck it, it sounds like content, press send:
https://b3ta.com/mailus
BTW: Seeing as we've managed to veer into
Beatles content we might as well big up our
chum Chris Shaw's Beatles podcast again - this
week he interviews Youth who made three albums
as 'The Firemen' with Paul McCartney.
Honestly, we're not keen on the LP mentioned
however the chat about them working together
is very interesting and has a few production
and songwriting inspiration tips thrown in for
good measure.
https://iamtheeggpod.com/2021/08/21/electric-argum...
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image
challenge help; and Dr Dunno for extra
support. Proofing by Kat E. Thanks Kat.
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST -
special love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart.
NEW NEWSEST - extra love love love to si
Jobling & Daniel Calvin. And bonus new love to
Douglas Pennant, Roy Santos & Will Thompson.
We love you. OH GOD, and more bonus love to
Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil McGuire & Paul
Blanchard - you sexy people.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: TOP TIP
Prince Andrew! Top yourself now before it gets
really messy.
https://b3ta.com/questions/toptips/all/
