NEWSLETTER: "PANIC BUY B3TA NEWSLETTERS, WE BEG YOU, SOMEONE"
This Week:
* QUIZ - Wiki In The Middle
* BOT - Richard Herring Simulator
* CHALLENGE - make tv/film more British (results)
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shitting up your
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | inbox with bad content
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| ... together"
B3ta electro-onic e-email 788 - 24 Sep 2021
Read this issue in French if you're fancy:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue788
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than stains on the carpet
* MUSIC QUIZ - Monkeon has made a new
interactive puzzle, he writes, "It's can you
guess the band from their backlinks on
Wikipedia, so a mixture of game and the random
article button. It amuses me that The
Beautiful South feature on a page about
curtained hair." Good fun - Neil Tennant is on
the page about Lakeland Terriers, so turns out
he did get a dog, just not a chihuahua.
https://monkeon.co.uk/wikiinthemiddle/
* RICHARD HERRING SIMULATOR - Your editor
writes, 'I was chatting to the bloke who runs
Richard Herring's merch and live streams and
stuff @gofasterchris and then I rambled "you
know that Smash Hits Interview bot I did? I
could do that with Herring's emergency
questions" and he said "do it" and my bluff
was called. Anyway. If you fancy imagining
you're being interviewed by Richard Herring on
his podcast and he's reached into his book of
emergency questions coz the proper chat is
running dry then follow @EmergencyQbot and
reply to it."
https://twitter.com/EmergencyQbot
* MAKE TV AND FILM MORE BRITISH - The "more TV
and film more British" challenge is proving
popular with over 200 entries - do have a
look, it's most entertaining. B3ta challenges
can still be quite something, occasionally,
when we all pull together and it comes off.
https://b3ta.com/challenge/tvorfilmmoreBritish/pop...
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: FESSHOLE
Your fesses fessed up for the fesspocalypse
Each week the vicar passes around a collection
bowl and the congregation masturbate into it
and we pick out the meatier chunks:
* BI VISIBILITY - "I came out as bi to my
wife. Now all she does is quiz me about what
men I fancy, and then judging my poor taste."
* BIGOT MUM - "My mother, while alive, was a
relentless bigot. When she died I found out
she'd cut me out the will and left half her
money to the RNLI. Makes me smile to think her
money is now helping to rescue asylum seekers
in the Channel."
* WHOLESOME ADVICE - "I'm 37. Instead of
regretting that I can't wake up age 18 again,
I pretend to myself that I'm 90 and I've woken
up age 37 again, and that I get to magically,
wonderfully have the next 50 years again."
Join the 177,000 people who should have their
home Betamax collection impounded by Bodie and
Doyle.
https://twitter.com/fesshole
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: HEBTRO SPONSORSHIP
Buy some clothes ok?
Take a good look at yourself. You could be
smartened up couldn't you? A nice new pair of
jeans and a jumper would take 10 years off and
improve your self esteem. You deserve it.
https://hebtro.co/product-category/jumpers/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff made by people who hate us
* THE STORY OF HOW BONNIE LANGFORD SIGNED
AMERICAN PSYCHO - for both lols and art.
https://www.atlasfloyd.com/cheers-drive/2020/12/29...
* AMBIENT LOLS - There has been a real surge
in ambient sound boards since Covid, mostly
because people wanted to imagine being in a
cafe instead of stressing out at home. They
are almost all cafes. Neal's latest is a
stupid version of this.
https://neal.fun/ambient-chaos/
* PONG THE DIRECTOR'S CUT - See what the
innards of Pong look like, with this circuit
diagram that lights up as you play. Far
beyond my technical knowledge, but it looks
pretty.
https://falstad.com/pong/vonly.html
* KIDS DON'T UNDERSTAND FILES NOW -
interesting article suggesting that the
dominance of Google Docs has resulted in a
generation of kids who are baffled at the
concept of files.
https://www.theverge.com/22684730/students-file-fo...
* RESTAURANT BOT - this bot posts random
restaurants found on Google Maps complete with
photos. Linking it really as it's a good idea
that could be redone with other subjects.
Could you make one that showed computer game
shops? Or brothels?
https://twitter.com/_restaurant_bot
* ROCK HORROR SHOW DEMOS - Richard O'Brien's
original tape of him singing his ideas for the
Rocky Horror show is charming, transporting
and wonderfully basic. It's like a lost Bowie
demo from 1973, or one of your mates having a
laugh.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
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: FRIDAY GAME(S)
Can you distort your face to not look like
you?
Can you get around face recognition by pulling
faces? A bit seriously done, but you can
imagine it's an online gurning contest. I'd
like to see Phil Cool playing this.
https://areyouyou.eu
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What do the police eat at the cinema?
Copcorn.
Um. Thanks 'beanolabub'
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Nevermind
Nirvana's Nevermind is 30 years old today.
Let’s celebrate the album, band and cover art
in our usual Corel draw way. Or feel free to
use Paint Shop Pro if you're fancy.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/nevermind
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make some stuff that's not guff
Some free ideas to kick you off, based on
looking around the room we're writing in and
looking at objects:
* UNSCIENTIFIC CALCULATOR - you type in 2+2=
and it denies global warming or gives you a
very dubious theory about the moon landings.
* DREAMIES HUMAN TASTE EXPERIMENT - cats love
them but why? Can you munch down a few and
find out?
* CARDS AGAINST HANNITY - well this would be
something about US politics and probably
already exists, don't tell us if it does, just
make something.
Shit in our collective letter box:
https://b3ta.com/mailus
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image
challenge help; and Dr Dunno for extra
support. Proofing by Kat E. Thanks Kat.
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST -
special love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart.
NEW NEWSEST - extra love love love to si
Jobling & Daniel Calvin. And bonus new love to
Douglas Pennant, Roy Santos & Will Thompson.
We love you. OH GOD, and more bonus love to
Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil McGuire & Paul
Blanchard - you sexy people. And Mike Powell
and Damion Brown and Ross Carter. Love you.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: TOP TIP
When offering unrequested written advice,
always finish the sentence with "you're
welcome" to show what an absolute cunt you
are. (social hand grenade)
https://b3ta.com/questions/toptips
