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NEWSLETTER: "PANIC BUY B3TA NEWSLETTERS, WE BEG YOU, SOMEONE"

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This Week:
* QUIZ - Wiki In The Middle
* BOT - Richard Herring Simulator
* CHALLENGE - make tv/film more British (results)

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're shitting up your
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   inbox with bad content
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|     ... together"

B3ta electro-onic e-email 788 - 24 Sep 2021

Read this issue in French if you're fancy:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue788

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
  Other than stains on the carpet

  * MUSIC QUIZ - Monkeon has made a new
  interactive puzzle, he writes, "It's can you
  guess the band from their backlinks on
  Wikipedia, so a mixture of game and the random
  article button. It amuses me that The
  Beautiful South feature on a page about
  curtained hair." Good fun - Neil Tennant is on
  the page about Lakeland Terriers, so turns out
  he did get a dog, just not a chihuahua.
https://monkeon.co.uk/wikiinthemiddle/

  * RICHARD HERRING SIMULATOR - Your editor
  writes, 'I was chatting to the bloke who runs
  Richard Herring's merch and live streams and
  stuff @gofasterchris and then I rambled "you
  know that Smash Hits Interview bot I did? I
  could do that with Herring's emergency
  questions" and he said "do it" and my bluff
  was called. Anyway. If you fancy imagining
  you're being interviewed by Richard Herring on
  his podcast and he's reached into his book of
  emergency questions coz the proper chat is
  running dry then follow @EmergencyQbot and
  reply to it."
https://twitter.com/EmergencyQbot

  * MAKE TV AND FILM MORE BRITISH - The "more TV
  and film more British" challenge is proving
  popular with over 200 entries - do have a
  look, it's most entertaining. B3ta challenges
  can still be quite something, occasionally,
  when we all pull together and it comes off.
https://b3ta.com/challenge/tvorfilmmoreBritish/pop...

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: FESSHOLE
  Your fesses fessed up for the fesspocalypse

  Each week the vicar passes around a collection
  bowl and the congregation masturbate into it
  and we pick out the meatier chunks:

  * BI VISIBILITY - "I came out as bi to my
  wife. Now all she does is quiz me about what
  men I fancy, and then judging my poor taste."

  * BIGOT MUM - "My mother, while alive, was a
  relentless bigot. When she died I found out
  she'd cut me out the will and left half her
  money to the RNLI. Makes me smile to think her
  money is now helping to rescue asylum seekers
  in the Channel."

  * WHOLESOME ADVICE - "I'm 37. Instead of
  regretting that I can't wake up age 18 again,
  I pretend to myself that I'm 90 and I've woken
  up age 37 again, and that I get to magically,
  wonderfully have the next 50 years again."

  Join the 177,000 people who should have their
  home Betamax collection impounded by Bodie and
  Doyle.
https://twitter.com/fesshole

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: HEBTRO SPONSORSHIP
  Buy some clothes ok?

  Take a good look at yourself. You could be
  smartened up couldn't you? A nice new pair of
  jeans and a jumper would take 10 years off and
  improve your self esteem. You deserve it.
https://hebtro.co/product-category/jumpers/

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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff made by people who hate us
 
  * THE STORY OF HOW BONNIE LANGFORD SIGNED
  AMERICAN PSYCHO - for both lols and art.
https://www.atlasfloyd.com/cheers-drive/2020/12/29...

  * AMBIENT LOLS - There has been a real surge
  in ambient sound boards since Covid, mostly
  because people wanted to imagine being in a
  cafe instead of stressing out at home. They
  are almost all cafes. Neal's latest is a
  stupid version of this.
https://neal.fun/ambient-chaos/

  * PONG THE DIRECTOR'S CUT - See what the
  innards of Pong look like, with this circuit
  diagram that lights up as you play.  Far
  beyond my technical knowledge, but it looks
  pretty.
https://falstad.com/pong/vonly.html

  * KIDS DON'T UNDERSTAND FILES NOW -
  interesting article suggesting that the
  dominance of Google Docs has resulted in a
  generation of kids who are baffled at the
  concept of files. 
https://www.theverge.com/22684730/students-file-fo...

  * RESTAURANT BOT - this bot posts random
  restaurants found on Google Maps complete with
  photos. Linking it really as it's a good idea
  that could be redone with other subjects.
  Could you make one that showed computer game
  shops? Or brothels? 
https://twitter.com/_restaurant_bot

  * ROCK HORROR SHOW DEMOS - Richard O'Brien's
  original tape of him singing his ideas for the
  Rocky Horror show is charming, transporting
  and wonderfully basic. It's like a lost Bowie
  demo from 1973, or one of your mates having a
  laugh.
https://www.youtube.com/watch

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: FRIDAY GAME(S)
  Can you distort your face to not look like
  you?

  Can you get around face recognition by pulling
  faces? A bit seriously done, but you can
  imagine it's an online gurning contest. I'd
  like to see Phil Cool playing this.
https://areyouyou.eu


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What do the police eat at the cinema?
Copcorn.

Um. Thanks 'beanolabub'
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/

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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Nevermind 

  Nirvana's Nevermind is 30 years old today.
  Let’s celebrate the album, band and cover art
  in our usual Corel draw way. Or feel free to
  use Paint Shop Pro if you're fancy.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/nevermind

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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Make some stuff that's not guff

  Some free ideas to kick you off, based on
  looking around the room we're writing in and
  looking at objects:

  * UNSCIENTIFIC CALCULATOR - you type in 2+2=
  and it denies global warming or gives you a
  very dubious theory about the moon landings.

  * DREAMIES HUMAN TASTE EXPERIMENT - cats love
  them but why? Can you munch down a few and
  find out?

  * CARDS AGAINST HANNITY - well this would be
  something about US politics and probably
  already exists, don't tell us if it does, just
  make something.

  Shit in our collective letter box:
https://b3ta.com/mailus

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: PATREON THANKS 
  We love all these people. Almost romantically.

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
  JAMES* *STOOBERT*

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
  Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
  McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
  Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
  Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
  Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
  Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
  Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
  James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
  Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
  Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
  Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
  James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
  Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
  Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
  Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
  Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
  Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
  Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
  Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
  bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
  Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
  wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
  Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
  Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
  Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
  Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
  Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
  Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
  Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
  Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
  Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
  Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
  Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
  Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
  Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
  Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
  Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
  Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
  Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
  Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
  McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
  Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
  Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
  Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
  Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
  Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
  Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
  Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
  Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
  Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
  Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
  Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
  Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
  Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
  peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
  Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
  Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
  Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
  Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
  Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
  Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
  John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
  Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
  Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
  Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
  olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
  M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
  Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
  Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
  Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
  Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
  Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
  Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
  Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
  McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
  Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
  Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
  Kahn, Matt.

  EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
  additional links; HappyToast for image
  challenge help; and Dr Dunno for extra
  support. Proofing by Kat E. Thanks Kat.

  And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
  Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
  Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
  Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
  NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
  Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
  Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
  Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
  Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
  Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
  Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
  Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST -
  special love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart.
  NEW NEWSEST - extra love love love to si
  Jobling & Daniel Calvin. And bonus new love to
  Douglas Pennant, Roy Santos & Will Thompson.
  We love you. OH GOD, and more bonus love to
  Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil McGuire & Paul
  Blanchard - you sexy people. And Mike Powell
  and Damion Brown and Ross Carter. Love you.

 And do please donate as you get occasional
 "bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

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: TOP TIP
  When offering unrequested written advice,
  always finish the sentence with "you're
  welcome" to show what an absolute cunt you
  are. (social hand grenade)
https://b3ta.com/questions/toptips

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