NEWSLETTER: "A FOND HELLO TO OUR TENS OF READERS"
"A fond hello to our tens of readers"
This Week:
* SONGYSONG - Cassetteboy vs Boris Johnson
* THE RETURN OF SHEEP FILMS - gif gig with Giphy
* JAMES BOND - the B3ta image challenge
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shitting up the web
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | toilet with turds and spunk
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| always & ever... together"
B3ta wap-fax 790 - 08 Oct 2021
Read this issue to your dead gran on a Ouji board:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue790
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making bad concept albums about ham
* CASSETTE BOY VS BORIS JOHNSON - Cassetteboy
tells us, "We were thinking of holding this
one back until the next election, when there
will genuinely be 99 problems, but the danger
is there will be even more than that."
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* THE RETURN OF SHEEP - "I'm still alive and
making GIFs - I bunged some on Giphy years
ago. They seem to be popular on there, which
is nice, so they asked me to make a little
series of them, but this time with sound
(moving pictures synchronised with audio!?
It'll never catch on hoho)"
https://giphy.com/sheepfilms
* IS THIS THAT CHILL WAVE THING KIDS LIKE? -
C_kick writes "I slowed Haddaway's What Is
Love *Way* Down and now I can't stop listening
to it. I really like it."
https://soundcloud.com/c_kick/love-is-what
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: FESSHOLE
Your confessions fessed up for cheap content
Each week we ask the anonymous internet to
piss in a bucket and we fish out the smelliest
chunks for your benefit:
* LORRY LORRY LAFFS - "As a student, had an
agency job driving articulated lorries. One
time I was sent down the M6 in a Tesco truck.
Noticed it was a fridge trailer. It was off.
Worried for the contents, I switched it on,
temp went to -18. Got to the depot. The
trailer was full of crisps. Frozen ones."
* THEFT 2.0 - 'I work for a very large
software company. Every time I find an
interesting bug or security hole in our
codebase I tell a friend who's set up as an
"independent security consultant". He sends it
in as part of the bug bounty program and we
split the reward 50/50.'
* POOR TASTE - "Did lockdown quizzes with
mates where we had 'bad taste' Zoom
backgrounds - mine was Michael Barrymore's
pool. Quizzes ended, then a few months later,
had a job interview on Zoom. Forgot about the
background & explained it away just as an
ideal home / garden I'd like to have."
Join the 184,000 people who should have their
private wax cylinders inspected by Sherlock
Holmes.
https://twitter.com/fesshole
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: HEBTRO SPONSORSHIP
Buy some nice jeans ok?
Listen, we fucking love Hebtro coz they've
sponsored B3ta on and off for years, so in our
books they're better than Duran Duran AND a ZX
Spectrum rolled into one. So if your legs are
chilly and need covering, or you need a
present for a man, get your fucking eyeballs
on this good shit ok?
https://hebtro.co/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff made by some other wankers
* TWITTER DOOM - you can now play Doom on
Twitter, yes not just the scroll of doom, but
everyone's favourite sequel to Wolfenstein 3D.
https://twitter.com/tweet2doom/status/144435591716...
* WORST INTERVIEW EVER - enjoyable interview
with some actor who was on Doctor Who and
clearly thought that the promo side of it was
beneath him.
https://twitter.com/MadeUpWho/status/9249309395658...
* STING UPSTAGED - amused by this clip of
Gordon Sumner singing Englishman In New York
and yet the camera's attention is on the woman
to his left for reasons we can not fathom.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* HOW TO WRITE COMEDY IN THE 1980s - lovely
old BBC educational documentary on writing
lols for TV. Fascinating behind the scenes
stuff from Not The Nine o'Clock News and
Hitchhikers.
https://b3ta.com/links/80s_For_Schools_show_on_com...
* PAUL DANIELS, HOME PROGRAMMER - enjoying
this clip of TV's Paul Daniels talking about
how he's very into programming on his Atari.
Makes you realise he was actually a human
being and not a complete dickhead.
https://twitter.com/BBCArchive/status/131200692021...
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: OLD MAN'S BEATLES CORNER
Coz there are two subjects: Beatles & WW2
* TOMORROW NEVER KNOWS/DIES - in news that
delights us particularly, B3ta friend John
Higgs is writing a book that pulls out the
connections between James Bond and the mop
tops. Off the top of our head: Ringo married a
Bond girl, Paul McCartney wrote a Bond theme
and both Bond & the Beatles were some
collective pipe dream on how Britain was still
great as it all sank into the sea. Link goes
to his writing on the Lovecraftian horror of
Yesterday.
https://thequietus.com/articles/26699-the-beatles-...
* RIDE ON TIME - Also we enjoyed Andy Bell of
Oxbridge Ride on the EggPod. Honestly we were
a little bit suspicious of him, as joining
Oasis is an awful thing for anyone to do, but
he actually appears to be an interesting and
bright chap so we'll overlook it as "things
people do to pay the mortgage".
https://iamtheeggpod.com/2021/10/08/revolver-andy-...
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: FRIDAY GAME
Bread carrying game
Can you (and a friend if you have one, or your
spare hand if not) carry the giant baguette
through the house? They missed out on a UK
audience by not branding this as the Chuckle
Brothers and playing "To You / To Me" sound
clips throughout.
https://falex2000.itch.io/a-very-long-baguette
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Who is 19 and mainly fucks idiots? Covid.
Do you know who apologised for this joke? Yes,
'cumquat may' is very sorry. Feel free to
apologise for your pitiful attempts at jokes on
our powerful website.
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Nevermind
Here's the best images from last week:
* We liked Monkeon's Mr Man take on Kurt Cobain:
https://b3ta.com/board/11352354
* Dick Wonder explored an alt meaning of the
recent documentary 'When Nirvana Came to
Britain':
https://b3ta.com/board/11351872
* Chumps produced the Exorcist / Nevermind
crossover you always wanted:
https://b3ta.com/board/11352135
* See all the other images from the
'Nevermind' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/nevermind/popular
>> This week: Off duty Bond <<
What does James Bond do when he's not spying?
Are the henchmen evil at weekends or do they
do a nice bit of gardening? Does Blofeld take
part in cat shows? Show us the off duty Bond
universe.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/offdutybond/popular
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to get your party started like P!nk:
* ZUCKERBOOK - recreate Zuckerbergs 2003
hot-or-not Facemash site but only featuring
photos of him.
* STOCK PHOTO WEBSITE BUT IT'S ALL BORIS
JOHNSON - Our PM is such a slag for a press
opportunity that there are photos in
circulation of him doing almost bloody
everything. Man waving hammer, man playing
guitar, man laughing eating salad. It's all
there.
* OH GOD WE NEED TO THINK OF A THIRD - er.. A
version of YouTube that uses AI to separate
out the backing track from the vocal, then
makes the vocal out of tune for shit lols.
Make some stuff ok?
https://b3ta.com/mailus
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image
challenge help; and Dr Dunno for extra
support. Proofing by Kat E. Thanks Kat.
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST -
special love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart.
NEW NEWSEST - extra love love love to si
Jobling & Daniel Calvin. And bonus new love to
Douglas Pennant, Roy Santos & Will Thompson.
We love you. OH GOD, and more bonus love to
Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil McGuire & Paul
Blanchard - you sexy people. And Mike Powell
and Damion Brown and Ross Carter. Love you.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: TOP TIP
Push Rice Krispies into the treads of your car
tyres for that expensive gravel driveway feel.
(Reme Philips)
https://b3ta.com/questions/toptips
