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NEWSLETTER: "BUILD BACK B3TA"

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This Week:
* QUIZ: Can you spot the more clicky headline?
* CHALLENGE: Pop group animals
* FESSHOLE: Toast secrets unveiled 

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "As welcome as your results
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   from the STD clinic, 
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|    here's the newsletter"

Issue DCCXCI for you latin twats  - 15 Oct 2021

Whisper this issue into your dog's ear:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue791

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
  Other than the usual jizz sculptures 

  * ARE YOU A CLICKBAIT GENIUS? Upworthy
  released oodles of data on which headlines
  worked for them and Matt Round has turned it
  into a quiz. He writes, "Saw the data a while
  back & just about managed to rush out a quiz.
  If you get 100% without cheating you really do
  deserve the Clickbait Genius accolade; stick
  it on your CV, wear a badge, shout about it to
  strangers in the street."
https://vole.wtf/clickbait-genius/

  * LOOK AT THIS WEIRD OLD ETCH A SKETCH THING -
  Mrmenfolk has dug out a Etch a Sketch
  variation that's kinda cool looking and we
  want one.
http://b3ta.com/links/1574973

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: FESSHOLE
  Your fesses fessed up for cheap lols

  Each week you cry and shit into a bucket and
  we select the meatiest chunks for your reading
  pleasure:

  * TOAST - "Just had to deny having a secret
  office toaster to the building manager whilst
  eating a piece of toast. This is the closest
  I'll ever get to being in an episode of
  Seinfeld."

  * FUNERAL - "I told my wife and and teenage
  kids that I had to go to an old family
  member's funeral. In fact I went to watch
  Steps in concert on my own. I'm a 38 year old
  man."

  * AFFAIR - "I'm having an affair with a much
  younger colleague. She's funny, beautiful and
  the sex is incredible, but last night she told
  me that she firmly believes aliens are not
  only monitoring life on earth but live among
  us. So now I'm going to have to end it."

  Join 185,000 people who need their floppy
  disks fingered by T.J. Hooker.
https://twitter.com/fesshole

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: HEBTRO SPONSORSHIP
  Have you thought about buying some jeans?

  Right, it's coming up to Christmas that Boris
  Johnson has probably cancelled anyway, so get
  in your orders now so at least you've some
  presents to give. People always like clothes.
https://hebtro.co

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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Freshly scraped off the information superhighway

  * AI BOLLOCKS - this attempts to match your
  drawing to a scene in a film.  It's fun to
  play with, though never accurate. The Evil
  Dead chainsaw does not have 3 pubes-per-ball
  for a start.
https://huggingface.co/spaces/osanseviero/draw_to_...

  * ENDLESS ENYA - MSCHF have done something
  that people over 30 might actually get with
  this Enya generator.  Their next drop will
  probably be business as usual when they upload
  Little Mix branded fidget spinners to Bebo, or
  whatever the kids are into nowadays.
https://endlessenya.mschfmag.com

  * FISH SINGING BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY - you might
  remember the Billy Bass singing fish of 20
  years ago and someone has hacked it to sing
  all the parts from BoHo Rap. Next can it sing
  "I'm a fucking fish and I'm not fucking
  funny..." Thank you.
https://twitter.com/Todd_Spence/status/14463291887...

  * ERIC CLAPTON SEX FACE COMPILATION - this
  would have been ideal content for the quiz we
  never got round to making: Cummer or Strummer.
https://www.gawker.com/celebrity/eric-clapton-maki... 

  * OLD GAME BOLLOCKS - Lovely behind the scenes
  from the production of Mortal Kombat, twenty
  years ago, where they filmed actual martial
  artists to digitise for the player moves.
  Hopefully we'll see the scenes they filmed to
  create 'Pig Man' on the BBC Micro soon.
https://twitter.com/noobde/status/1447966875523162...

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: FRIDAY GAME
  Where's my tripod?

  A humane Duck Hunt with a camera instead of a
  gun.  Can you get a good photo of all the
  animals despite having the hiccups? What a
  charming idea, our only criticism is that we'd
  like to have seen our photos at the end.
https://pixelydian.itch.io/wheres-my-tripod

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What magic spell does Harry Potter cast when
he's constipated? Expoolianus!

Thanks to 'The Porcupine From Purgatory' for
that joke, and if you want to apologise for a
joke you've written, then we've got the website
for you.
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/

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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Off duty James Bond

  Here's the best images from last week's 'off
  duty Bond' challenge:

  * Ballymoran probably has ended his chances
  for a knighthood with this:
https://b3ta.com/board/11352469

  * Chumps is making sure that B3ta stays for
  people of a certain age:
https://b3ta.com/board/11352849

  * Tinglto is bringing puns back:
https://b3ta.com/board/11352450

  * See all the other images from the 'Off duty
  Bond' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/offdutybond/popular

  >> This week: Pop Group Animals <<
  It's animals in pop groups this week. Show us
  animals with instruments rocking the crowd or
  just do some classic band name puns.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/popanimals/popular

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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Some ideas to kick you off
 
  * VISIT THE WORST CAFE IN LONDON - and... we
  dunno, interview them and make some content.
https://twitter.com/danbarker/status/1447138452311...

  * DOOM SCROLLING THE COMPUTER GAME - keep
  paging down whilst your life falls apart
  outside the phone.

  * OH GOD WE'RE STUCK FOR A THIRD IDEA - and
  now we're just staring into space and
  producing nothing. Er... A sandwich simulator?
  A realistic fart gun? A therominge? Yes, a
  photo of vagina and your mouse goes beepy
  wooooooo as you run over it.

  You do better then:
https://b3ta.com/mailus

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS 
  We love all these people. Almost romantically.

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
  JAMES* *STOOBERT*

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
  Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
  McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
  Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
  Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
  Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
  Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
  Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
  James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
  Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
  Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
  Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
  James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
  Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
  Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
  Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
  Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
  Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
  Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
  Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
  bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
  Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
  wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
  Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
  Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
  Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
  Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
  Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
  Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
  Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
  Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
  Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
  Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
  Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
  Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
  Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
  Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
  Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
  Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
  Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
  Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
  McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
  Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
  Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
  Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
  Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
  Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
  Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
  Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
  Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
  Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
  Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
  Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
  Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
  Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
  peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
  Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
  Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
  Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
  Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
  Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
  Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
  John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
  Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
  Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
  Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
  olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
  M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
  Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
  Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
  Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
  Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
  Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
  Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
  Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
  McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
  Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
  Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
  Kahn, Matt.

  EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
  additional links; HappyToast for image
  challenge help; and Dr Dunno for extra
  support. Proofing by Kat E. Thanks Kat.

  And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
  Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
  Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
  Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
  NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
  Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
  Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
  Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
  Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
  Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
  Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
  Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST -
  special love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart.
  NEW NEWSEST - extra love love love to si
  Jobling & Daniel Calvin. And bonus new love to
  Douglas Pennant, Roy Santos & Will Thompson.
  We love you. OH GOD, and more bonus love to
  Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil McGuire & Paul
  Blanchard - you sexy people. And Mike Powell
  and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and PJ. Love
  you.

  And a special thank you to the super generous
  Paul Topping.

  And do please donate as you get occasional
  "bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

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: TOP TIP
  Can't afford expensive vet bills? Dress your
  cat as a child and take it to your GP instead.
  (2 Can Chunder)
https://b3ta.com/questions/toptips

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