NEWSLETTER: "BUILD BACK B3TA"
This Week:
* QUIZ: Can you spot the more clicky headline?
* CHALLENGE: Pop group animals
* FESSHOLE: Toast secrets unveiled
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "As welcome as your results
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | from the STD clinic,
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| here's the newsletter"
Issue DCCXCI for you latin twats - 15 Oct 2021
Whisper this issue into your dog's ear:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue791
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than the usual jizz sculptures
* ARE YOU A CLICKBAIT GENIUS? Upworthy
released oodles of data on which headlines
worked for them and Matt Round has turned it
into a quiz. He writes, "Saw the data a while
back & just about managed to rush out a quiz.
If you get 100% without cheating you really do
deserve the Clickbait Genius accolade; stick
it on your CV, wear a badge, shout about it to
strangers in the street."
https://vole.wtf/clickbait-genius/
* LOOK AT THIS WEIRD OLD ETCH A SKETCH THING -
Mrmenfolk has dug out a Etch a Sketch
variation that's kinda cool looking and we
want one.
http://b3ta.com/links/1574973
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: FESSHOLE
Your fesses fessed up for cheap lols
Each week you cry and shit into a bucket and
we select the meatiest chunks for your reading
pleasure:
* TOAST - "Just had to deny having a secret
office toaster to the building manager whilst
eating a piece of toast. This is the closest
I'll ever get to being in an episode of
Seinfeld."
* FUNERAL - "I told my wife and and teenage
kids that I had to go to an old family
member's funeral. In fact I went to watch
Steps in concert on my own. I'm a 38 year old
man."
* AFFAIR - "I'm having an affair with a much
younger colleague. She's funny, beautiful and
the sex is incredible, but last night she told
me that she firmly believes aliens are not
only monitoring life on earth but live among
us. So now I'm going to have to end it."
Join 185,000 people who need their floppy
disks fingered by T.J. Hooker.
https://twitter.com/fesshole
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: HEBTRO SPONSORSHIP
Have you thought about buying some jeans?
Right, it's coming up to Christmas that Boris
Johnson has probably cancelled anyway, so get
in your orders now so at least you've some
presents to give. People always like clothes.
https://hebtro.co
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Freshly scraped off the information superhighway
* AI BOLLOCKS - this attempts to match your
drawing to a scene in a film. It's fun to
play with, though never accurate. The Evil
Dead chainsaw does not have 3 pubes-per-ball
for a start.
https://huggingface.co/spaces/osanseviero/draw_to_...
* ENDLESS ENYA - MSCHF have done something
that people over 30 might actually get with
this Enya generator. Their next drop will
probably be business as usual when they upload
Little Mix branded fidget spinners to Bebo, or
whatever the kids are into nowadays.
https://endlessenya.mschfmag.com
* FISH SINGING BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY - you might
remember the Billy Bass singing fish of 20
years ago and someone has hacked it to sing
all the parts from BoHo Rap. Next can it sing
"I'm a fucking fish and I'm not fucking
funny..." Thank you.
https://twitter.com/Todd_Spence/status/14463291887...
* ERIC CLAPTON SEX FACE COMPILATION - this
would have been ideal content for the quiz we
never got round to making: Cummer or Strummer.
https://www.gawker.com/celebrity/eric-clapton-maki...
* OLD GAME BOLLOCKS - Lovely behind the scenes
from the production of Mortal Kombat, twenty
years ago, where they filmed actual martial
artists to digitise for the player moves.
Hopefully we'll see the scenes they filmed to
create 'Pig Man' on the BBC Micro soon.
https://twitter.com/noobde/status/1447966875523162...
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: FRIDAY GAME
Where's my tripod?
A humane Duck Hunt with a camera instead of a
gun. Can you get a good photo of all the
animals despite having the hiccups? What a
charming idea, our only criticism is that we'd
like to have seen our photos at the end.
https://pixelydian.itch.io/wheres-my-tripod
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What magic spell does Harry Potter cast when
he's constipated? Expoolianus!
Thanks to 'The Porcupine From Purgatory' for
that joke, and if you want to apologise for a
joke you've written, then we've got the website
for you.
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Off duty James Bond
Here's the best images from last week's 'off
duty Bond' challenge:
* Ballymoran probably has ended his chances
for a knighthood with this:
https://b3ta.com/board/11352469
* Chumps is making sure that B3ta stays for
people of a certain age:
https://b3ta.com/board/11352849
* Tinglto is bringing puns back:
https://b3ta.com/board/11352450
* See all the other images from the 'Off duty
Bond' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/offdutybond/popular
>> This week: Pop Group Animals <<
It's animals in pop groups this week. Show us
animals with instruments rocking the crowd or
just do some classic band name puns.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/popanimals/popular
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to kick you off
* VISIT THE WORST CAFE IN LONDON - and... we
dunno, interview them and make some content.
https://twitter.com/danbarker/status/1447138452311...
* DOOM SCROLLING THE COMPUTER GAME - keep
paging down whilst your life falls apart
outside the phone.
* OH GOD WE'RE STUCK FOR A THIRD IDEA - and
now we're just staring into space and
producing nothing. Er... A sandwich simulator?
A realistic fart gun? A therominge? Yes, a
photo of vagina and your mouse goes beepy
wooooooo as you run over it.
You do better then:
https://b3ta.com/mailus
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
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Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
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Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
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Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
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Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image
challenge help; and Dr Dunno for extra
support. Proofing by Kat E. Thanks Kat.
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST -
special love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart.
NEW NEWSEST - extra love love love to si
Jobling & Daniel Calvin. And bonus new love to
Douglas Pennant, Roy Santos & Will Thompson.
We love you. OH GOD, and more bonus love to
Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil McGuire & Paul
Blanchard - you sexy people. And Mike Powell
and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and PJ. Love
you.
And a special thank you to the super generous
Paul Topping.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: TOP TIP
Can't afford expensive vet bills? Dress your
cat as a child and take it to your GP instead.
(2 Can Chunder)
https://b3ta.com/questions/toptips
