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NEWSLETTER: "FREE NFT INSIDE (*NO FUCKING THING)"

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This Week:
* ODDLY APPROPRIATE ADDRESSES - from 3word wankers
* INTERVIEW - Sir "Uncle" Clive's nephew
* IMAGE CHALLENGE - TV Crossovers

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |   "We're saving the web
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  so that we can afford an
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|  information superhighway"

B3ta electro email 792 - 22 Oct 2021

Read this issue to your poor confused mother:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue792

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
  Other than making farty smells as usual

  * ODDLY APPROPRIATE @WHAT3WORDS ADDRESSES -
  Merkinhead writes, "I've collected a few of
  these now." ///safely.registers.starlight
  points to Lovell Telescope at Jodrell Bank.
https://twitter.com/What3Wordplay/status/145116521... 

  * MORE IMAGINARY FRIENDS - Matt Round writes,
  "People kept sending me their weird imaginary
  friend stories so I've added more to the site.
  Around 90 new friends had been submitted & I
  went through first half & picked out 28"
https://vole.wtf/imaginary-friends/

  * SINCLAIR CHAT - your editor writes, "I had a
  chat with Sir Clive's nephew on the basis that
  he was everyone's Uncle Clive, but for this
  guy, he had the reality. So if you want to
  know what it sounds like to hear me have a
  slightly rambling chat with an interesting
  stranger then go ahead - give it a listen.
  Plus I made a feem tune because I'm Dennis
  Waterman at heart." (MP3)
https://robmanuelfuckyeah.substack.com/p/interview...

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: HEBTRO SPONSORSHIP
  Buy the men your life nice clothes for Xmas

   Men are hard to buy presents for, but
   speaking as men, we always like clothes. Sort
   us out at Hebtro this Xmas, birthday or
   whatever weird pagan shit you celebrate. All
   made in the UK and made to last.
https://hebtro.co

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: FESSHOLE
  Your confessions sicked up as wicked content

  Each week we ask you masturbate into the
  Pope's mouth and he swishes it around like
  catholic mouthwash and spits up the best bits
  like a newborn baby taking their mother's
  milk:

  * PHONE SHAME - "I woke up from a nap the
  other night to find my bf trying to hide what
  he was looking at on his phone. After much
  discussion, he finally showed me; it was a
  PDF, detailing the new font they're using on
  Ukrainian road signs. I wish it had been porn
  tbh."

  * SEX TIPS - "To stop myself from blowing my
  load too early during sex, I often think about
  ex-Southampton defender Ken Monkou going up
  for a header."

  * OMG NO - 'Saw my brother looking in a shop
  window, went up and slapped him on the back
  "who's been eating all the pies then?!" It
  wasn't my brother.'

  Join the 187,000 people who need their 5 1/4
  inch floppies inspected by Juliette Bravo.
https://twitter.com/fesshole

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  ** KUNT & THE GANG 'SHANNON MATTHEWS MUSICAL'
     CASTING CALL **

   The world's most notorious musical is going
   to Edinburgh and they're casting now, so get
   involved, this is your ticket to the top and
   being in Chess with ABBA.
https://twitter.com/HaTuppence/status/145130255957...

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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff made by people who refuse to post on B3ta

  * CHESS (BUT NOT WITH ABBA) - Play along with
  a classic 1858 chess game, which has been
  turned into this interactive short story. 
  Feels like a format that could be made to work
  with a live game, with the story being
  generated as you play. 
https://gregkarber.com/opera/

  * 'AM I HOT OR NOT' FOR AI ART - Generative
  art seems pretty fashionable at the moment,
  presumably partly because it is an easy way
  for self facilitating media nodes to rack up
  loads of crypto-pennies with minimum effort. 
  This site allows users to vote on which
  generative art looks the nicest.  Genuinely
  interesting to look at the results and see
  which aesthetics have mass appeal.
https://artvote.net

  * AI MORALS - Ask an AI about ethical
  quandaries & get predictably terrible answers.
  "It's even against putting crisps in
  sandwiches" writes crisp sandwich enthusiast
  Matt Round. Pretty sure we'd get similar
  results by bunging questions into a sentiment
  analysis library and scoring anything above
  60% as "it is good."
https://delphi.allenai.org

  * READ ABOUT A LEGENDARY DEV - we blow hot and
  cold with code. We love what it enables, but
  we're often alienated by code bros who want to
  show off how awesome they are. But this guy
  sounds pretty great.
https://github.com/readme/featured/why-the-lucky-s...

  * APPLE ANNOUNCES YOUR DEATH - this will
  probably get picked up by the Q lot as
  evidence that THEY PLANNING SOMETHING.
https://twitter.com/drewhamlin/status/145027803816...

  * YOUR SUPER NINTENDO IS NOW MIDI - well it is
  if you buy this cart. Shame we lost our SNES
  in a house move years ago, so we'll have to
  wait for a midi adapter for our Cambridge
  Computer Z88 instead.
https://www.supermidipak.com/

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: FRIDAY GAME
  Can you think like a bot?

  A game in which you must guess all the words
  the AI has used to label a photo. We'd have
  called it Talk A-Bot, although Talk About
  hasn't been on telly for 30 years, which may
  limit the audience for the pun.
https://thinklikeabot.com

------------------------------------------------

Whose famous last words were "Kiss me hard-on"?
Fellatio Nelson 

Thank you to Iawn Cont, who has apologised for
writing this joke on "I'm sorry I've written a
joke".
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/

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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT 
  Follow ups on previous stuff from B3ta world

  * MONKEON CELEBRATED IN FESTIVAL - Monkeon
  writes "My Koyaanisqatsi generator is being
  shown at this, as part of the Cologne Film
  Festival.  I think the parkour just involves
  stepping inside a building rather than it
  being on a roof."
https://filmfestival.cologne/en/urban-gif-parcour
  
  And if you missed Gifaanisqatsi:
https://www.monkeon.co.uk/gifaanisqatsi/

  * THE RETURN OF GOATSE CORNER - thanks to the
  at least two people who've sent us this.
https://twitter.com/TheTorontoSun/status/145117451...

  * FRAMLEY EXAMINER BOOK OUT - and what's that
  in the credits? Only the sole paid bit of
  advertising that B3ta has EVER run. If you can
  really call it that.
https://twitter.com/Ron_Vaux/status/14505169789684...

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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Pop Group Animals

  Here's the best images from last week:

  * Aliswodeck celebrates The Osmonds and we
  think we love it:
https://b3ta.com/board/11353093

  * Chumps channels Bob Dylan with the GIF from
  the North Country:
https://b3ta.com/board/11353070

  * And Wanxox channels... well if we say the
  name of the band we'll ruin the punchline but
  we will say the drummer is 'armless.
https://b3ta.com/board/11353087

  * See all the other images from the 'Pop Group
  Animals' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/popanimals/popular

  >> This week: TV Crossovers <<
  All the soap operas are swapping characters
  for a thing, so let's do that with all the
  programs, put Dad's Army in Band of Brothers,
  Red Dwarf in Star Trek and Mrs Brown's Boys in
  Squid Game.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/tvcrossover/popular

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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Free ideas to wank your brain off into content

  * IT'S FRIDAY I'M IN LOVE BOT - seeing as
  Daniel Craig saying "Ladies & Gentlemen, it's
  the weekend" as about a billion followers, how
  about a Robert Smith version?

  * SECOND CURE BOT - Also another bot posts on
  10:15 on a Saturday night, for all you people
  sitting in the kitchen sink, which is surely
  one of the great evocative lyrics of being
  stuck at home with nothing to do, whilst you
  feel the world is passing you by.

  * READER SUGGESTION - SockCooker asks for
  "Tiny windscreen wipers for mobile phones.
  Make it happen pls. Kick start or whatever the
  kids do these days. Junior kickstarter."
  Honestly more reader suggestions please, it
  makes this filler bit easier to fill.

  Send us litres of dog piss virtually with a
  dog piss NFT - wait, we mean email us using
  the form:
https://b3ta.com/mailus

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: PATREON THANKS 
  We love all these people. Almost romantically.

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
  JAMES* *STOOBERT*

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
  Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
  McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
  Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
  Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
  Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
  Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
  Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
  James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
  Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
  Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
  Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
  James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
  Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
  Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
  Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
  Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
  Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
  Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
  Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
  bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
  Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
  wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
  Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
  Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
  Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
  Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
  Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
  Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
  Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
  Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
  Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
  Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
  Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
  Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
  Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
  Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
  Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
  Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
  Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
  Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
  McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
  Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
  Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
  Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
  Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
  Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
  Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
  Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
  Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
  Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
  Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
  Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
  Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
  Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
  peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
  Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
  Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
  Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
  Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
  Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
  Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
  John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
  Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
  Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
  Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
  olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
  M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
  Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
  Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
  Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
  Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
  Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
  Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
  Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
  McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
  Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
  Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
  Kahn, Matt.

  EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
  additional links; HappyToast for image
  challenge help; and Dr Dunno for extra
  support. Proofing by Kat E. Thanks Kat.

  And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
  Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
  Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
  Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
  NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
  Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
  Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
  Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
  Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
  Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
  Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
  Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST -
  special love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart.
  NEW NEWSEST - extra love love love to si
  Jobling & Daniel Calvin. And bonus new love to
  Douglas Pennant, Roy Santos & Will Thompson.
  We love you. OH GOD, and more bonus love to
  Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil McGuire & Paul
  Blanchard - you sexy people. And Mike Powell
  and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and PJ. Love
  you.

 And a special thank you to the super generous
 Paul Topping.

 And do please donate as you get occasional
 "bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

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: TOP TIP
  Save money on expensive, hallucinogenic drugs
  by stepping beyond your front door once in a
  while (GeordieJay)
https://b3ta.com/questions/toptips

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