NEWSLETTER: "THE B3TAVERSE HAS NOW REBRANDED AS TWATBOOK"
This Week:
* BOT - NewsBard goes LIVE!
* VIDEO - Laser powered cooking
* IMAGE CHALLENGE - B3ta vs Meta (m3ta?)
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shitting up the
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | the web rivers with
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| web shit... together"
B3ta email 793 - 29 Oct 2021
Read this issue in Habbo Hotel wearing a VR dick helmet:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue793
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making love to their hands again
* NEWSBARD - if you want a bot making shitty
"roses are red" rhymes out of news, your
editor has been hard at work making that
happen, you lucky fucking cunts.
https://twitter.com/newsbard
* HALLOWEEN - Captain Howdy's one-man image
challenge of a Horror Memes advent calendar is
a lot of fun. Looks like The Shining one went
viral, although it did so on other people's
accounts because no one seems to know what a
retweet button is for.
https://twitter.com/MajorPazuzu/status/14439784896...
* CENTURIES OF SOUND REACHES 1939 - Zuowan
writes, "An epic exploration of the sounds of
1939, featuring the best swing, rhythm &
blues, film clips, music from around the
world, and interwoven sound collages of
original news from the year the world went to
war. Free to stream here, or as a podcast.
This one is a BIGGIE - just to warn you, the
longest mix I've ever made. The last hour is
the WWII collage, if that's what you're here
for."
https://centuriesofsound.com/2021/10/17/1939/
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: HEBTRO SPONSORSHIP
Black denim jeans - £150
It's coming up to Christmas, buy the men in
your life some nice jeans. There, Christmas
solved. Thanks B3ta. Thanks Hebtro. Thanks
little goblins who live in your mind.
http://hebtro.co/product-tag/doubleblack/
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: FESSHOLE
Your fesses fessed up for the fess bin
Each week we ask you to confess to the
defrocked B3ta priest and we log it all for
later blackmail, just like the Pope does,
except our version involves less
non-consensual wanking.
* LET'S WORK - "I am finally going back to
working in the office in a couple of weeks.
Tried on my suits, trousers etc. Only thing
that still fits are my shoes. Fuck."
* FOR YOUR BABIES - "I was asked to judge a
beautiful baby competition; the first prize
was a £50 M&S voucher. I chose the ugliest
baby to piss off absolutely everyone but the
winner."
* I WANT TO SOCKS YOU UP - "Shit myself on a
date once. Carried out an emergency clean up
operation in the toilet using my sock. Awkward
moment later at hers when she wanted to know
why I was commando and only wearing one sock.
Married her - still have to wear one sock to
the pub. Because that's my thing..."
Join the 192,000 people who need their ZIP
drives inspected by the Chinese Detective or
possibly Eddie Shoestring. Link goes to the
best of September so is worth a click, or a
wipe of a dick on an iPhone screen if you're
in Zuckerberg's Metaverse:
https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/14525511951894...
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: GET A CREDIT IN JOHN HIGGS' NEW BOOK
Your name in the Beatles / Bond book for cash
Higgs is writing a book on the Beatles and
James Bond and we're beyond excited to read
it. Higgs asks, "Would you like it if my next
book was dedicated to you? Would you help
support Shelter this Christmas? If yes, have a
look here:"
https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/john-higgs5
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff made by other people whom we secretly despise
* LASER-POWERED COOKING - Not even sure how
this is allowed on YouTube but we genuinely
ended up coughing with laughter.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* GOTH CAST - Lol Tolhurst of the Cure is
doing a podcast with Budgie from Banshees.
Superfans are directed to episode 3 where they
talk to original Cure bassist Michael Dempsey.
Dempsey's bass lines on the early stuff are
noticeably much more the work of someone with
chops than Simon Gallup's. Hearing him speak
is interesting - he's clearly bright and
articulate. The early rival to Robert Smith's
authority that had to be squashed?
https://curiouscreaturespodcast.com/
* MARVEL CHARACTER OR FONT - finally a quiz
that combines two things we don't give a shit
about.
https://marvel-or-font.web.app
* ART SHENANIGANS - Art project where MSCHF
bought an Andy Warhol original, then made
identical copies of it, mixed them up and who
knows which one you've bought or how to find
out. Like the opposite of an NFT.
https://moforgeries.org/
* DOOM - playable not in pixels but 16,000
HTML checkboxes. Let's hope your laptop can
cope with this. Next week: Technician Ted
rendered in 49k of radio buttons.
https://healeycodes.com/doom-rendered-via-checkbox...
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: FRIDAY GAME(S)
Youtube song listens quiz
Find out how down with the kids you are by
guessing which is the most popular music video
from the two massive hits that you have never
heard of before.
https://the-more-less-game-nuxt.vercel.app/game
P.S. If you want to make us happy, rewrite
this game and stuff it with The Sisters of
Mercy, Duran Duran and The Cure. Thanks.
BONUS GAME: Speed-typing that focuses on
really long words. Would have been more fun
skinned as Russell Brand teaches typing,
though.
https://lwpm.vercel.app
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Which rap group walked this way quickly to the
toilet? Runs DMC
'Cumquat May' wrote this joke and apologised for
it and you should do the same.
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
TV Crossovers
TV Crossovers proved to be a good challenge
with over 190 entries, proving that the
website isn't quite dead yet. Here's a few of
our favs:
* Chump's George & Mildred post went a bit
viral and we saw it uncredited in a few places
on Twitter:
https://b3ta.com/board/11353864
* Mhoulden entered the Chuckleverse to give us
these chuckles.
https://b3ta.com/board/11354255
* And BRB made an image which won't work on
phones but it's quite clever:
https://b3ta.com/board/11353558
* See all the other images from the 'TV
Crossovers' challenge - all ten pages of it:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/tvcrossover/popular
>> This week: Meta <<
Facebook is rebranding as 'Meta' - tell them
what you think in this mini challenge. We say
mini challenge coz the b3tans were doing this
anyway, so we thought we'd collect it up as an
official challenge and then throw in another
challenge when it burns itself out - ok?
http://b3ta.com/challenge/meta/popular
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to kick you off
* TORY-SPONSORED BEATLES ATTRACTIONS - an
animatronic Paul McCartney patrolling the
English channel singing "get back" at
immigrants? Maybe not.
* THE PROGRESSIVE CASE FOR 'BABY SHUFFLING' -
A fairer society could be achieved by baby
shuffling. Leave what you like to your kids
but who knows which ones are yours? Therefore
the best way to ensure your genetic offspring
have a good life is to have a very fair social
state. Plus every baby born has a chance to be
rich, rather than just those born to rich
parents. SOCIETY SOLVED!
* MISSING MICROSOFT PRODUCTS - Does the
existence of Microsoft Edge imply the horrific
possibility of a Microsoft Bono?
Send your shit covered missives to:
https://b3ta.com/mailus
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image
challenge help; and Dr Dunno for extra
support. Proofing by Kat E. Thanks Kat.
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST -
special love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart.
NEW NEWSEST - extra love love love to si
Jobling & Daniel Calvin. And bonus new love to
Douglas Pennant, Roy Santos & Will Thompson.
We love you. OH GOD, and more bonus love to
Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil McGuire & Paul
Blanchard - you sexy people. And Mike Powell
and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and PJ. Love
you.
And a special thank you to the super generous
Paul Topping.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: TOP TIP
Get your Wiccan/Pagan name by making up some
pretentious bollocks. (Je suis un vagabond)
https://b3ta.com/questions/toptips