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NEWSLETTER: "THE B3TAVERSE HAS NOW REBRANDED AS TWATBOOK"

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This Week:
* BOT - NewsBard goes LIVE!
* VIDEO - Laser powered cooking
* IMAGE CHALLENGE - B3ta vs Meta (m3ta?)

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're shitting up the 
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  the web rivers with 
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|  web shit... together"

B3ta email 793 - 29 Oct 2021

Read this issue in Habbo Hotel wearing a VR dick helmet:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue793

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
  Other than making love to their hands again

  * NEWSBARD - if you want a bot making shitty
  "roses are red" rhymes out of news, your
  editor has been hard at work making that
  happen, you lucky fucking cunts.
https://twitter.com/newsbard

  * HALLOWEEN - Captain Howdy's one-man image
  challenge of a Horror Memes advent calendar is
  a lot of fun. Looks like The Shining one went
  viral, although it did so on other people's
  accounts because no one seems to know what a
  retweet button is for.
https://twitter.com/MajorPazuzu/status/14439784896... 

  * CENTURIES OF SOUND REACHES 1939 - Zuowan
  writes, "An epic exploration of the sounds of
  1939, featuring the best swing, rhythm &
  blues, film clips, music from around the
  world, and interwoven sound collages of
  original news from the year the world went to
  war. Free to stream here, or as a podcast.
  This one is a BIGGIE - just to warn you, the
  longest mix I've ever made. The last hour is
  the WWII collage, if that's what you're here
  for."
https://centuriesofsound.com/2021/10/17/1939/

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: HEBTRO SPONSORSHIP
  Black denim jeans - £150

  It's coming up to Christmas, buy the men in
  your life some nice jeans. There, Christmas
  solved. Thanks B3ta. Thanks Hebtro. Thanks
  little goblins who live in your mind.
http://hebtro.co/product-tag/doubleblack/

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: FESSHOLE
  Your fesses fessed up for the fess bin
 
  Each week we ask you to confess to the
  defrocked B3ta priest and we log it all for
  later blackmail, just like the Pope does,
  except our version involves less
  non-consensual wanking.

  * LET'S WORK - "I am finally going back to
  working in the office in a couple of weeks.
  Tried on my suits, trousers etc. Only thing
  that still fits are my shoes. Fuck."

  * FOR YOUR BABIES - "I was asked to judge a
  beautiful baby competition; the first prize
  was a £50 M&S voucher. I chose the ugliest
  baby to piss off absolutely everyone but the
  winner."

  * I WANT TO SOCKS YOU UP - "Shit myself on a
  date once. Carried out an emergency clean up
  operation in the toilet using my sock. Awkward
  moment later at hers when she wanted to know
  why I was commando and only wearing one sock.
  Married her - still have to wear one sock to
  the pub. Because that's my thing..."

  Join the 192,000 people who need their ZIP
  drives inspected by the Chinese Detective or
  possibly Eddie Shoestring. Link goes to the
  best of September so is worth a click, or a
  wipe of a dick on an iPhone screen if you're
  in Zuckerberg's Metaverse:
https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/14525511951894...

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: GET A CREDIT IN JOHN HIGGS' NEW BOOK
  Your name in the Beatles / Bond book for cash

  Higgs is writing a book on the Beatles and
  James Bond and we're beyond excited to read
  it. Higgs asks, "Would you like it if my next
  book was dedicated to you? Would you help
  support Shelter this Christmas? If yes, have a
  look here:"
https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/john-higgs5

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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff made by other people whom we secretly despise 
 
  * LASER-POWERED COOKING - Not even sure how
  this is allowed on YouTube but we genuinely
  ended up coughing with laughter.
https://www.youtube.com/watch

  * GOTH CAST - Lol Tolhurst of the Cure is
  doing a podcast with Budgie from Banshees.
  Superfans are directed to episode 3 where they
  talk to original Cure bassist Michael Dempsey.
  Dempsey's bass lines on the early stuff are
  noticeably much more the work of someone with
  chops than Simon Gallup's. Hearing him speak
  is interesting - he's clearly bright and
  articulate. The early rival to Robert Smith's
  authority that had to be squashed?
https://curiouscreaturespodcast.com/

  * MARVEL CHARACTER OR FONT - finally a quiz
  that combines two things we don't give a shit
  about.
https://marvel-or-font.web.app

  * ART SHENANIGANS - Art project where MSCHF
  bought an Andy Warhol original, then made
  identical copies of it, mixed them up and who
  knows which one you've bought or how to find
  out. Like the opposite of an NFT.
https://moforgeries.org/

  * DOOM - playable not in pixels but 16,000
  HTML checkboxes. Let's hope your laptop can
  cope with this. Next week: Technician Ted
  rendered in 49k of radio buttons.
https://healeycodes.com/doom-rendered-via-checkbox...

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: FRIDAY GAME(S)
  Youtube song listens quiz

  Find out how down with the kids you are by
  guessing which is the most popular music video
  from the two massive hits that you have never
  heard of before. 
https://the-more-less-game-nuxt.vercel.app/game

  P.S. If you want to make us happy, rewrite
  this game and stuff it with The Sisters of
  Mercy, Duran Duran and The Cure. Thanks.

  BONUS GAME: Speed-typing that focuses on
  really long words. Would have been more fun
  skinned as Russell Brand teaches typing,
  though. 
https://lwpm.vercel.app

------------------------------------------------

Which rap group walked this way quickly to the
toilet? Runs DMC

'Cumquat May' wrote this joke and apologised for
it and you should do the same.
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/

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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  TV Crossovers

  TV Crossovers proved to be a good challenge
  with over 190 entries, proving that the
  website isn't quite dead yet. Here's a few of
  our favs:

  * Chump's George & Mildred post went a bit
  viral and we saw it uncredited in a few places
  on Twitter:
https://b3ta.com/board/11353864
  
  * Mhoulden entered the Chuckleverse to give us
  these chuckles.
https://b3ta.com/board/11354255

  * And BRB made an image which won't work on
  phones but it's quite clever:
https://b3ta.com/board/11353558

  * See all the other images from the 'TV
  Crossovers' challenge - all ten pages of it:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/tvcrossover/popular

  >> This week: Meta <<
  Facebook is rebranding as 'Meta' - tell them
  what you think in this mini challenge. We say
  mini challenge coz the b3tans were doing this
  anyway, so we thought we'd collect it up as an
  official challenge and then throw in another
  challenge when it burns itself out - ok?
http://b3ta.com/challenge/meta/popular

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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Some ideas to kick you off

  * TORY-SPONSORED BEATLES ATTRACTIONS - an
  animatronic Paul McCartney patrolling the
  English channel singing "get back" at
  immigrants? Maybe not.

  * THE PROGRESSIVE CASE FOR 'BABY SHUFFLING' -
  A fairer society could be achieved by baby
  shuffling. Leave what you like to your kids
  but who knows which ones are yours? Therefore
  the best way to ensure your genetic offspring
  have a good life is to have a very fair social
  state. Plus every baby born has a chance to be
  rich, rather than just those born to rich
  parents. SOCIETY SOLVED!

  * MISSING MICROSOFT PRODUCTS - Does the
  existence of Microsoft Edge imply the horrific
  possibility of a Microsoft Bono?

  Send your shit covered missives to:
https://b3ta.com/mailus

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: PATREON THANKS 
  We love all these people. Almost romantically.

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
  JAMES* *STOOBERT*

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
  Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
  McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
  Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
  Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
  Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
  Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
  Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
  James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
  Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
  Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
  Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
  James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
  Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
  Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
  Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
  Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
  Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
  Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
  Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
  bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
  Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
  wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
  Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
  Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
  Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
  Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
  Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
  Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
  Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
  Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
  Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
  Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
  Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
  Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
  Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
  Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
  Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
  Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
  Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
  Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
  McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
  Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
  Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
  Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
  Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
  Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
  Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
  Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
  Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
  Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
  Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
  Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
  Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
  Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
  peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
  Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
  Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
  Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
  Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
  Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
  Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
  John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
  Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
  Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
  Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
  olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
  M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
  Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
  Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
  Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
  Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
  Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
  Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
  Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
  McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
  Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
  Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
  Kahn, Matt.

  EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
  additional links; HappyToast for image
  challenge help; and Dr Dunno for extra
  support. Proofing by Kat E. Thanks Kat.

  And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
  Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
  Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
  Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
  NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
  Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
  Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
  Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
  Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
  Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
  Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
  Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST -
  special love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart.
  NEW NEWSEST - extra love love love to si
  Jobling & Daniel Calvin. And bonus new love to
  Douglas Pennant, Roy Santos & Will Thompson.
  We love you. OH GOD, and more bonus love to
  Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil McGuire & Paul
  Blanchard - you sexy people. And Mike Powell
  and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and PJ. Love
  you.

 And a special thank you to the super generous
 Paul Topping.

 And do please donate as you get occasional
 "bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

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: TOP TIP
  Get your Wiccan/Pagan name by making up some
  pretentious bollocks. (Je suis un vagabond)
https://b3ta.com/questions/toptips

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