we love the web
email us
NEWSLETTER: "MR BLOBBY'S FAVOURITE NEWSLETTER DEMANDS YOUR EYEBALLS"

next issue »
« previous issue

This Week:
* FRANKIE SAY - "Play this web interactive"
* WEEBL & BOB - Twenty years old, fuck me
* HOW TO - Win at Penga
-------------------------------------------------
________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |  "We're shaving the web
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  like a yak, every week 
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|  and beyond... together"

B3ta email 822 - 17 Jun 2022

Read this issue begging for the content to stop:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue822

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
  Other than making sinister "marmalade" again
 
  * FRANKIE SAY RELAX: THE COMPUTER GAME - Monkeon
  has taken an idea we posted in a recent
  newsletter about making a reaction game out of
  Relax and made it real. He writes, "My pointless
  research for this has actually made me quite a
  fan. Their 12 inch remixes are particularly fun
  for being such stupid sample-heavy things.
  Crediting Klaus Schulze with a remix he didn't
  actually do is a nice bit of trolling."
https://monkeon.co.uk/frankiesayrelax/

  * CELEBRATE TWENTY YEARS OF WEEBL - Jonti
  Picking is celebrating two decades of "well come
  back bring pie" and yes we are all old, but
  we're (mostly) not dead so here's to the next
  twenty years. B3ta is less than halfway done.
https://b3ta.com/links/1587963

  * HOW TO WIN AT PENGA - last week we launched
  Matt Round's Penguin Tetris game and this week
  JimmerUK tells you how to WIN:
https://twitter.com/JimmerUK/status/15370307133876...

-------------------------------------------------

: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
  Buy some shorts

  Look, it's burning up with heat around here so
  you probably don't fancy buying jeans, but
  Hebtroco also sells shorts, so let's get those
  legs out with some British-made clothes that are
  built to last.
https://hebtro.co/product/action-shorts/

-------------------------------------------------

: FESSHOLE 
  Your confessions hucked up like a cat being sick

  Each week you type some bollocks into a Google
  form and we pick out the bits that we find funny
  or amusing and share it for empty internet
  likes:

  * ELDERY PARENTS - "I buy my dad, who's in his
  late seventies, top quality tools for birthdays
  and Christmas. He appreciates them but I'm also
  playing the long game. My wife would never let
  me buy expensive tools for myself."

  * IMPROMPTU GAMES WE PLAY - "Whenever I wake up
  in the middle of the night I try and 'sense'
  what the precise time is before checking my
  phone to see if I am right. This morning I got
  it spot on: 4.46am. I am really thrilled at my
  achievement but haven't told anybody as it just
  sounds weird."

  * COPING STRATEGIES - "Once a week during the
  first lockdown I'd drive 150 miles to the middle
  of the Moors never using the same route twice
  like a shit spy. Then I'd walk 40 minutes,
  scream my lungs out and go home. I think
  planning and executing this each week stopped me
  from topping myself."

  Join the half a million people who just want the
  pain to stop.
http://twitter.com/fesshole

  BUY THE BOOK: Please pre-buy the Fesshole book
  that'll be out for Xmas and is the ideal gift
  for your grumpy Uncle who can sit in the corner
  occasionally smirking, before leaving in the loo
  to entertain guests.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/18041903...

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
  Content for Amy's I in 2003 or whatever

  * 'RING TONE BANGERS' - an account that reposts
  old ringtunes and system start-up bongs etc.
  Good stuff, if that's your bag.
https://twitter.com/ringtonebangers

  * WOEFULLY NEGLECTED WEBSITE - painfully
  accurate satire on the state of the web in these
  platform dominated times. 
http://woefullyneglected.com

  * AI BOLLOCKS OF THE WEEK - Interesting look at
  some of the limitations of AI image generators
https://astralcodexten.substack.com/p/a-guide-to-a...

  * REMEMBER WEEZER? Weezer have launched their
  new single with this novelty record player to
  which you listen by spinning round in circles,
  neglecting to acknowledgethat their fanbase is
  now at an age where bad knees should be more of
  an accessibility consideration. If they're now
  in the web interactives game, then we'd like to
  suggest one in which you upload your photo and
  an AI tells you precisely how much you look like
  Buddy Holly.
https://humanrecordplayer.com

  * CHESS 2.0 - Chess, but with pawns as the only
  pieces.  The idea could be expanded to make a
  chess construction kit - can you design a better
  starting layout than the traditional board?
https://aslangames.itch.io/pawn-battle

  * GOODBYE IE - Missing Internet Explorer
  already? This site gives you an authentic
  experience of the good old days. Now get off the
  internet, your mum needs to use the phone.
https://lagplorer.tms.sx

-------------------------------------------------

: BEST B3TA 'PHOTOSHOPS' THIS WEEK
  A sideways look are the news through Corel Draw

  Each week the b3tans open Paint Shop Pro and
  train their satire pixels on current events and
  here's three of our favs:

  * Happy Toast has waged war upon India Jones:
https://b3ta.com/board/11369826

  * Monkeon is worried about how Michael Knight is
  copying with the credit crunch
https://b3ta.com/board/11369948

  * Cumquat May is being rude about Boris Johnson,
  the naughty scamp
https://b3ta.com/board/11369269

  Check out the rest of our popular images this
  week:
https://b3ta.com/board/popular/

-------------------------------------------------

: THINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE NEXT WEEK
  Free ideas to stick into your brain pipe

  * THE MANIC MINER SEQUEL THAT *SHOULD* HAVE
  HAPPENED IN 1984 - take the Jet Set Willy
  screens and rework them as Manic Miner, so
  they're sequential, get the blobs, next level.
  Screens that can't really be done in one, coz
  lack of access, could be grouped. So a level
  could be three screens occasionally.

  * SCLEROTIC BY MADONNA - An economic confidence
  indicator could probably be plotted over time by
  counting the amount of times the FT and
  Economist use the word 'sclerotic'

  * IS THERE A THIRD FRANKIE GAME SOMEONE CAN
  MAKE? - Two Tribes would lend itself to some
  sort of nuclear war text adventure, or maybe
  just write a choose-your-own-adventure where you
  play the one of 'the lads', Nasher, Basher,
  Tasher, whoever they are, and wake up drunk in
  some terrible hotel room in Liverpool, in a pile
  of your own vomit, and have to hitchhike to
  London to appear on Cheggers Plays Pop, else
  Trevor Horn will give a bad remix.

  Stick your content here, and we'll be the judge:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS 
  We love all these people. Almost romantically.

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
  JAMES* *STOOBERT*

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
  Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
  Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
  Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
  Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
  Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
  Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
  H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
  Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
  Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
  Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
  Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
  Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
  Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
  Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
  Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
  Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
  mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
  OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
  Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
  Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
  pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
  Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
  RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
  sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
  McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
  Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
  Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
  Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
  Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
  Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
  Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
  Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
  Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
  Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
  Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
  James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
  Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
  Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
  Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
  Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
  Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
  Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
  Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
  Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
  Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
  Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
  Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
  Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
  STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
  Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
  Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
  Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
  Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
  Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
  Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
  Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
  Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
  Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
  Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
  FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
  Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
  Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
  Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
  madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
  Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
  Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
  Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
  Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
  Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
  Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
  Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
  Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.

  EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
  additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
  help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
  by Kat E. Thanks Kat.

  And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
  Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
  Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
  Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
  NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
  Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
  Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
  Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
  Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
  Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
  Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
  Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
  love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
  - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
  Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
  Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
  and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
  McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
  Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
  PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
  Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
  the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
  to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
  appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
  Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
  Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
  Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
  YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
  Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
  you, you kind humans.

  And do please donate as you get occasional
  "bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

-------------------------------------------------

: I'M SORRY I'VE WRITTEN A JOKE
  The Porcupine From Purgatory apologises

  What's the opposite of Piers Morgan?
  Piers Nacht.
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/

next issue »
« previous issue