NEWSLETTER: "DO NOT READ THIS NEWSLETTER IMMEDIATELY BEFORE SWIMMING, ALLOW ONE HOUR TO DIGEST ALL THE LINKS"
This Week:
* CATS - Finally in a database, spreadsheet next
* IMAGE CHALLENGE - Right actor, wrong film
* LITTLE FLUFFY CLOUDS - the other voice mystery
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | by reading it out loud
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| onto c90s... together"
B3ta email 922 - 20th Sep 2024
Read newsletter like HAL having his brain removed:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue922
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than Steadman from Five Star fan art
* LET'S HEAR BURLY MEN SING BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY -
Justwhatever22 writes, "I wanted to share this
thing what I made. Made in the sense that I'm
actually in this ludicrous choir, and I made
this video of the singings." This is stupidly
entertaining and warmed our heart.
http://b3ta.com/links/1618654
* IT'S A DATABASE OF CATS - Naeemnur writes,"Hi
b3ta, I built a database of cats. I think you
guys will love it." We don't love anything with
our black hearts but it's sorta interesting
documenting semi-famous internet cats.
https://catsoftheweb.com/
* HEY HEY 16K BLOKE DOES COMIC PODCAST - MJ
Hibbett writes, "Me and John Dredge have got a
podcast called 'The Funny Comics Fan Club; that
looks at old British humour comics. We've done
Jackpot, Nutty and Whoopee so far, with TV
Comic, The Beano and loads more to come. It's
part nostalgia, part me trying to insert Comics
FACTS, and part us both saying 'How come so much
of this is really beautifully drawn but terribly
written?'"
https://thefcfc.podbean.com/
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP *YES,IT'S A SALE*
Buy buy buy buy some clothes
Each week we ask you to buy your togs from
Hebtroco as they support the newsletter, and all
their stuff is made to last, looks proper and
it's all made in the UK. Ideal for presents for
difficult-to-buy-for-men too.
https://hebtro.co/its-a-sale/
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: FESSHOLE
The monstrous confessions project won't end
You won't stop submitting confessions so we
wearily keep running them - some tolerable ones
this week included:
* CAT - "We named our cat Ginger, because it's
the name our toddler insisted on him having and
wouldn't take no for an answer. For a quiet
life, we just went with it. Our cat is black. It
confuses people, the vet included."
* MONKEY - "Visiting the cinema back in the day
and asked to see '12 Monkeys'. The person
serving me asked 'How many?', to which I
genuinely replied with some confusion '12?'.
Still makes me laugh and cringe in equal
measure."
* BOLLOCKS - "My teenage son who barely talks to
me these days has just sat on the sofa with me
and listened to the whole of Never Mind The
Bollocks, declared it pretty good and he might
tell his mates about it, I'm now in the bedroom
having a little cry."
Follow the account that only has followers
because you thought it was that interesting one
that posts photos of all the office greenery in
old episodes of Columbo paired with gardeners
commenting on how tricky the maintenance would
be.
https://bsky.app/profile/fesshole.bsky.social/
You might as well come to the shows: we've got
Preston, London, Wolverhampton and Isle Of Wight
for sale. And we've just played Brummingham, so
that was bluddy grate, and featured the first
and probably last time your editor "sang" the
B-B-B-B-B-Birmingham song on stage.
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
Click the Amazon link to find out what random
price Amazon has decided to sell the second book
for this week.
https://amzn.to/40ySjVn
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Ever wanted to fly your own starship? Bridge
Command is open in Vauxhall – a live,
interactive starship adventure
https://bit.ly/4en1gGW [sponsored]
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Text Adventure tips from 'The Balrog'
* SLOSHED GAMING - The only winning move is not
to play and have another shot, in this simulator
of playing noughts and crosses when pissed. Next
up: Can you play Spot The Difference with a
migraine?
https://zkarimi.com/drunk-tac-toe/
* MAGNETIC WALL - An infinite canvas combined
with magnetic poetry. Quite wholesome at the
moment, so presumably the worst people on the
net haven't found it yet, or perhaps they don't
bother leaving Twitter any more now that they
own it.
https://playhtml.fun/fridge
* WHO IS THE OTHER VOICE ON LITTLE FLUFFY
CLOUDS? This answers a question that it had
never occurred to me to ask, that is, who's the
bloke asking Rickie Lee Jones about the skies?
https://polpo.org/blog/who-asked-what-were-the-ski...
* HOW TO BE A COMPLETE BASTARD, THE COMPUTER
MANUAL - A document Mr Beast sends to his
employees to show them how to get good at
YouTube. Honestly it sounds exhausting, but you
might learn something.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1YaG9xpu-WQKBPUi8y...
* THE MOST NORTHERN GAME EVER - How a very
English game was localised for a global market.
Makes us want to play the game - maybe we'll get
round to it, but we've still got more Columbo to
watch.
https://bit.ly/3TCMlRj
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Animal, Vegetable, Mineral
Last week we accidentally resurrected the ghost
of Worth1000 and did an image challenge that was
largely about technique. Best entries include:
* JimmerUK has made the cover of KLFs Chill Out
suitable for vegetarians:
https://b3ta.com/board/11410911
* Dave Bagpuss reminds us that "SNAILS!" was an
oath in Mediaeval time - God's nails apparently:
https://b3ta.com/board/11410850
* Octo has made a fitting tribute to the King,
as we all love the royals at B3ta HQ:
https://b3ta.com/board/11410829
* See all the other images from the 'Animal,
Vegetable, Mineral' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/animalvegetablemineral/p...
>> This week: Right Actor Wrong Role <<
What if Harrison Ford got his days muddled and
turned up to shoot Star Wars in character as
Indiana Jones. How would a toy cowboy save
Private Ryan?
http://b3ta.com/challenge/rightactorwrongrole/popu...
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: FOLLOW UPS ON PREVIOUS STORIES
What b3tans did next
* SORRY TO BRING YOU THE NEWS THAT MONTY PROPPS
HAS 404'D - his nearest and dearest have asked
for a mention in the newsletter and we loved his
photoshops back in the day, including the
legendary and viral Jesus cradling the baby
dinosaur:
https://b3ta.com/board/11411242
* MAKING GOOGLE LESS SHIT - sanitclause writes,
"You asked for 'an off switch for the AI shite
at the top of Google searches' - it exists. Via
Martin Hamilton at the Electromagnetic Field
festival this summer, the disenshittification
Konami code is &udm=14. Add that to the end of
your search, i.e. "how do you clean a fabric
sofa &udm=14" and Google will omit content known
to be AI-generated or advert-heavy crap.
Essentially Google will treat you like you want
to use a search engine from ten years ago, which
is mostly a good thing."
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to kick you in the idea anus
* TOO EMBARRASSING FOR THE TELEGRAPH -
apparently many articles by Kwasi Kwarteng &
Milo Yiannopoulos have been deleted from this
news website. Would make an interesting little
site - only showing the articles they delete.
* SIM VILLAGE - a simulator for the type of
place that posh people call a village, that is,
a bit of urban London with a nice deli.
* TEXT(ING) ADVENTURE - ok this really is a
filler idea, but some kind of 80s text adventure
where you have to type using 90s text speak, it
would be well BOOK.
Send us an email, coz we do read your missives
ok?
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; Monkeon for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (Thanks - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
BONUS THANKS TO NEWEST: Niomi Wightman, Matt &
JonC. Super-newest thank to Benjamin Blundell
and Stuart. Super bonus news thanks to Luka
Mikec, Peter Henningsen & Mike Coats. Super
double new thanks to Katie Steckles, Prophyria,
Rob Mahon, Kier Fox-Mayr, Geoff Tidey, Simon
Howard. And new bonus thanks to Tim Chuma, Tom
YeOldeForge, Austin Hofeman & Marcus Penning.
AND new thanks to atomic.
Oh just subscribe, you lovely lovely people.
https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
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: BONUS "HAVE-A-GO HERO" FESSHOLE
"Some years ago I was hailed as a local hero and
received a reward from the police for foiling a
jewellery shop robbery. I tripped the guy up as
he was running out of the shop, allowing
security to pin him down. Truth is it was an
accident, I just wasn't looking where I was
going."
