Fire!
The scene was Manchester Airport, probably over ten years ago. Long enough ago, anyway, to still allow smoking in the terminals. So there's my Grandad merrily puffing away on a cigar to celebrate the start of his holiday with my Granny, Auntie and Uncle. Upon finishing his cigar he discovers there are no ashtrays on top of the bins so he does what any awkward old bugger would do, he tosses the still lit butt into the bin. A couple of minutes later and smoke is billowing out of it. Its at this point that a worried staff-member turns up and starts frantically using his radio.

A couple of minutes later the flaming bin has been put on a trolley and wheeled off to be dealt with and my family, with the exception of my Grandad, are standing around blushing furiously. At this point two burly security guards turn up, but luckily the family's flight is called for boarding. Before they can make their escape, however, the guards are on them asking if they saw who set fire to the bin. My Auntie has visions of them being detained, missing their flight and ruining their holiday and is about to start mumbling apologies about how he's an old man and he's not all there and so on and so forth. At this point she's cut off as my Grandad points excitedly towards a random man on the other side of the terminal and says "He did it. I saw him!". The rest of the family look dumbstruck as the security guards tear off shouting "Hey you!" at some poor man. My Grandad laughed to himself and then walked through the gate grinning, the family quickly followed before his cunning ruse was uncovered. Total git or comedy genius? You decide.
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Fri 3 Mar 2006, 12:40, Reply)