Farts and bombs!
The lads and I had gone on a Guinness fuelled trip to Dublin. On the way there, as soon as we got into the airport this happened. Or this if you want my friend's version.

Anyway, we'd had an absolutely awesome time. Five days of pure laughter, meeting people from all around the world.

We were on the aeroplane waiting for take off in Dublin when the steward stands right next to my seat to do the emergency mask demonstration. We were bang in the middle of the plane. He must have forgotten something because he walked off, but left the mask he was demonstrating with on the seat in front of me.

Now, those of you who drink a lot of stout will know the morning effects: Farts of death! I'd had very little other than stout, ale and Subways going into my body for five days and I was unpeeling wallpaper with my noxious gases.

So I grabbed the mask, farted into it, whilst me and my mates creased up with laughter. When he returned, the steward put the mask on to show everybody how it was done. He must have been shitting himself at the sight of six 18 year old lads laughing like maniacs with tears streaming down our faces.

***********

We'd landed at Leeds/Bradford airport after our extremely short flight and were still chuckling away. We walk past security who say "we're not checking passports, walk straight through." So I said to my friend, mocking the security "Yeah, those bombs are fine."

They heard me! I had 2 major problems:
1. Airport Security workers were born with no personality.
2. This was little over a week after the London bombings.

I was interrogated for 2 hours! I told them I was being ironic. They told me that the airport is “no place for humour.” They went to check my baggage and searched through my bags. Whilst they were searching, he asked me what I did for a living & study. I told them I had just finished my A-levels. He asked me what subjects. Maths, English and Economics I told him. It’s a good job they didn’t pull my mate Mike who did Chemistry, Physics, Maths and Further Maths.

Alas, I didn’t get finger raped and in the end they just told me to “fuck off”. In all honesty I knew they were just scaring me otherwise they wouldn’t have let all my mates go. They must have been bored.

Apologies for leeeeeeeeeeeength.
(wonderbrawl was pronounced dead on, Fri 3 Mar 2006, 19:17, Reply)