Embarassing Porn Threat
I took MonkeyBoyBlue to Amsterdam for his stag doo in 2003 - we spent many nights unable to find our own arses with both hands and off our mash. Smoking all we could in my favorite haunts, crawling back to our digs using our eyebrows - you get the picture.

Close to the end of our stay and in a very stoned frame of mind, I bought some DVD filth to watch with my missus when I got home.

Cut to Schiphol airport for the flight home, still stoned, pre check-in. I go through my bag to find my passport and find three DVDs in large, oversized boxes. I suddenly get embarassed and very paranoid and run off to the toilets where I take the dvds out of their boxes and put them in my cd wallet.

So instead of putting them in the bin, leaving them on the toilet floor or being sensible and leaving them in my luggage because they were just vanilla porn and nothing to be embarrassed about; the boxes were put in a black plastic bag and stuffed behind the pan of the toilet. Wise move and embarassment free!

I left the toilet, met up with MonkeyBoy Blue and stood in the line to check my luggage in, standing sweating with paranoia, what had I done? I've just gone into the toilets with my duffel bag, been in there for ages and come out having left a black plastic package stuffed behind the toilet pan...... FUCK! WHAT HAVE I DONE! They have increased global airport security after 11/9 - I'm screwed.

I stood in the snaking line waiting to check in for the flight and get through to the departure lounge, sweating, looking nervously around me - looking about as guilty and conspicuous as I could - or was it just the paranoia?

I got through to passport control, sweating like a porker in a pie shop, was scrutinised by a Dutch giant and then ushered on to have my shrapnel and phone x-rayed and a squealing wand stuck in my armpits and butt-crack.

Then the airport alarm went off, sirens wailed, radios had people shouting - and I was pushed through to the departure lounge before security barriers came down. The whole front of the airport was apparantly shut down whilst the bomb squad came to investigate.

And I ran - like a nutter. Through to the boarding gate where I sat and chain smoked trying to hide until we boarded and finally flew home to find that the dvds were an utter load of shite - American vanilla porn, badly edited and dubbed in German.

So the moral of this story is.... Don't buy porn when you're so stoned that you couldn't find your arse with both hands!
(Catchag "You know!....For Kids!", Fri 10 Mar 2006, 10:09, Reply)