Everyone who has a cat...
...will have experienced that moment when your cat turns in to a foot-killing machine.

You know the one, grab foot with front paws, kick wildly with back paws, and chomp at toes with excruciatingly sharp teeth.

One night, went for a piddle after an evening on the lash. It being my house and only the missus in I neither switched on the light nor donned any clothes.

Got to loo
Piddled
walking back from loo when the cat pounced. The bitch had been hiding under the bed waiting for me to come back. As I walked past the bed I was totally unaware of the twitching, wide eyed killer, poised ready to eat foot.

*Pounce*
*screamed like a girl*
*shat (almost)* (well I didn't know what it was did I?)
*missus screams as she wakes up without a clue as to what is going on*

then I fell. (beer induced, lost a foot to the cat, dark, nekked)

Result:
1 x black eye (Wardrobe handle)
1 x sprained elbow
1 x sprained ankle
1 x missing fingernail (god knows how that happened)

The evil cat stayed hanging on to the foot until I kicked so violently she flew across the room.

Cat now sleeps outside.

No apologies for length, girth, bend or flavour - the ladies love it...
( ogwen69 has returned from Reddit, Thu 2 Jun 2005, 15:51, Reply)