Scolopendre
A few years ago I was enjoying an idyllic break in the south of Spain with my (now ex) girlfriend and her family. Ex-girlfriend is of German extraction as are, obviously, her family. Lovely people - but very, erm, analytical. Ex-girlfriend's father is a doctor and not short of a few bob, hence the rather nice villa we were staying in.

One morning we were eating a rather Germanic breakfast outside by the pool (think slightly overgrown "rustic" back garden, nice pool, plenty of ham and cheese, discussions about philosophy) when I felt something tickling my leg.

Thinking very little of it (some grass or a small wildflower perhaps) I carried on munching my sarnie. Suddenly I felt an extremely sharp sting/bite at the top of my left thigh, right next to my testicles. I screamed like a small girl and ran into the house. I then experienced the extremely nasty sensation of something biting/stinging me every 2cms from the top of my left thigh round to the top of my right arse-cheek.

I ran into the shower, shedding all my clothing, and watched in alarm and horror (as did my ex-girlfriend and her entire family - although not sure if the horror was induced by my naked body) as a 10 inch long centipede extracted itself from my shorts.

Leg and arse swelled up to approximately double the size - nasty fever and very painful bites. Still, at least there was a doctor on site to give me drugs. I am still extremely thankful that the centipede missed some particularly tender areas, but the feeling of a rather large insect dragging itself across my balls is one I won't be forgetting soon. My ex-girlfriend's father hardly helped matters by catching the bastard and pickling it in vodka. I still have the beast as a souvenir and nice reminder of the ex...
(lolly, Thu 2 Jun 2005, 16:42, Reply)