When I used to work icing wedding cakes
with Shirley Crabtree (better known as super-hero British wrestler; Big Daddy) the rival specialist cake artistes shop accross the road (Dainty Cakes) was always trying to sabotage us. Their owner and head cakist; Jeff Capes, was a mean and ruthless cad and he would lead dasterdley underhand attacks on us on a regular basis.
Anyhow, on one occasion I was icing the words "Debbie 4 Mark 4 eva" on a 5 tier marbled madeira cake when my icing bag suddenly became blocked.
Shirley tried to unjam it by shoving a lemon sponge finger up the nozzle, but to no avail. Eventually, we had to unscrew the nozzle to see what was wrong.
You can imagine our surprise when a giant anaconda, nearly 20 foot long burst out of the icing bag. He ruined Debbie and Marks wedding cake. It had, of course, been put there by Jeff Capes.
This riled Shirley and me right up. It had taken us ages to get those cakes balanced on top of each other using old biros as supports.
Swiftly, like some sort of bakery-banzai warrior, I grabbed a fresh icing bag and blinded the thrashing snake with two well aimed blobs of fuscia pink frosting, just as he was beginning to crush Big Daddy to death.
This startled the anaconda just enough to enable Shirley to wriggle one hand free so that he could remove his large sequined top hat.
It is a little known fact that Big Daddy always kept a folding miniture swiss army chainsaw under his hat, in case of emergencies. Once he had retreived this he made very short work of the anaconda.
Chop chop, vroom vroom, squelch squelch.
Nevertheless we still had a cake to replace and revenge to extract from Jeff.
The cake was simple enough. Using the parts of the anaconda which looked most madeira like, and a packet of Pritt-tack, we fashioned an even better looking wedding cake.
Then we marched over to Dainty Cakes to settle matters with Jeff once and for all.
I shouted at Jeff "Look! A dragon!" whilst pointing behind him. He fell for it, and Shirley swiftly had him in a full nelson. Then I stood on the counter and shat on Jeff's face.

How we laughed, as Big Daddy proceeded to stab him in the stomach and watch him bleed to death.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 3 Jun 2005, 13:16, Reply)