Swan
Interesting to note that though swans are the Queen's property, the royal family used to use their necks to wipe their royal arses. Anyway, i digress.
Went canoeing in school during games; perfectly normal games session on the water, only there was this fecking swan attacking every canoe in order to protect its nest which was hidden in a nearby bank of reeds. Anyway it's my turn to get in, and the knobber of a teacher put me in a K1 - standing for stupid fucking kayak thing that you can't stay upright in. So, predictably enough, i fell in. Not to fear, i thought, i'm far off the bank of reeds, i can get to the side by then. Oh river ouse, thou tretcherous bastard. I drifted swiftly right over to said bank of reeds, with the swan closing in on my location. I knew a swift getaway was necessary, only that's a bit hard to accomplish with a canoe in one hand and a double bladed paddle in tother. I turned my head to see it not two metres away from me, flapping furiously. At this point two thoughts occured to me - 1) "those wings could break your arm. Only your head is at flapping height." and 2) "why aren't you panicking?" so i decided to panic to try and get away quicker. Soon realised it didn't make me go any faster. Put canoe between myself and swan, made for the bank while trying to keep it from clambering over said canoe. Jolly bastards, those swans.

Scuse tedium.

EDIT: oh, and a ferret. Staying round my friend's house, drunk on nasty nasty cheapwine, sharing the floor with his pet ferret who sleeps in a suitcase. Awoken at 5am by something gently nuzzling/chewing on my nose. Awoke bemused and slightly started. Little beggar looked at me as if to say "oh, you're awake then?", licked my elbow and then went back to sleep in his cosy suitcase. Adorable wanker.
(cap'nj, Sat 4 Jun 2005, 2:10, Reply)