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This is a question When animals attack...

I once, accidentally, punched a racoon.

It had wandered into my tent, I was half asleep and thought it was a mate pratting around. There was a yelp and then all hell broke loose.

What have you been attacked by?

(, Thu 2 Jun 2005, 9:39)
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baboon love action
a narrowly avoided attack.... I was camping in tanzania a few yrs back, with the GF of the time.. woke up one morning, feeling the approaching warmth of the oncoming african dawn, i started to feel amorous and convinced GF that a dawn shag was a fine idea... so, i climbed aboard, and gave a good account of myself i rather feel. Anyway, the critical moment was reached and, with that slight tinge of post-coital sadness common to us sensitive types, collapsed on the sleeping bag, perspiring quite a lot - it's arsing hot in africa in a nylon tent, even at 8am... so the mrs dug me in the ribs and told me to open the tent up to let us get some bloody air, as the small space we had to breathe in was now definitely full of a peculiarly perfumed vapour..
so i unzipped the front, and threw the flaps back (so to speak) - took deep breath of the fragrant morning air - and nearly shat myself, as there before me was a full sized baboon. About 2 feet away. Snarling. And wanking. oh yes he was wanking, his arm was a blur and he appeared to be sweating whilst he thrashed one out. I froze for a moment, then realising that (a) i didn't want to see this (b) he didnt want me to see this and (c) i knew that bad things would happen if i ignored (a) or (b), i retreated into the tent toute suite and zipped it up. My GF, who had been purring in the light breeze entering the tent, sat up and demanded what exactly the fuck was i doing? So i told her i wasn't opening the tent yet, perhaps it'd be discreet to wait a moment. She, being the woman she is, called me a fuckwit and opened the tent up - only to return, ashen faced, immediately. I, having lit a cigarette, nonchalantly asked if he'd finished - she just shook her head...
About ten mins later, exit tent - no baboon, no monkey jizz... presumably the sound and odour of human love was similar enough to monkeylove to give him ape wood... although that's not a particularly edifying thought, that my best efforts are like a monkeyfucker...
(, Wed 8 Jun 2005, 9:23, Reply)

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