Never let my Gran babysit you...
Now this is unlikely to ever happen to you unless it already has.

My gran is a unique sort. I love her dearly and she has taught me two things. One is French knitting, the other is she is not all there in the head (shouting in the street, comparing family members to Hitler etc) but my childhood was blissfully unaware of anything being amiss.

*Baby's first wavy lines*

The first instance of not-brilliant babysitting was when GherkinLasagna was just a wee pickle. I had asked my gran where our large kitchen scissors were. While my gran did not actively help me find the big, pointy cutting object (waiting for pink, curious toddler fingers) she did not question why I would be looking for them. This was mistake number one. Mistake number two was, upon finding my pointy prize, letting me disappear behind the sofa with them. After a while I emerge apparently unscathed.
Now at this age my hair was so long my mum would help me brush it at night. On this particular evening she took out my pony tail......literally. I can't explain why I did it but apparently decided earlier on my mission was to cut off my hair. Even harder to understand is how the hair band managed to hold it on for the rest of the day. When my mum questioned gran why on Earth she let me do it, her response was

'Oh, I thought she was behind there a long time.....'


Incident number two involved my younger sister who, at the time, was also at a tender young age. This time gran was giving her a bath before bed. Little sister manages to get her hands on a bottle of clear nail varnish filled with gold glitter (it was the early nineties). My gran does not take this off her. Mistake number one strikes again. Mistake number two was watching this child paint her tummy in glittery mess, resulting in dried, raw skin mess. This took weeks to heal and once again after being questioned by my incredulous mother, grans response?

'Oh, well I didn't think she should have it....'
(Gherkinlasagna is probably doing something stupid on, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 21:48, Reply)