My housemate at university, whose name is not Dave, told me this story.
We lived opposite a house full of girls, some of whom were very lovely indeed. After months of effort, he managed to convince one of them to go out on a date with him and after a reasonably successful visit to the cinema and a couple of drinks at a bar they went back to her place. There, they found one of her housemates sitting in the kitchen with her boyfriend, sat down with them and started chatting. Now Dave is a bit of a physical chap, into kickboxing and martial arts, so to prove his alpha maleness in the eyes of his potential sleeping partner he challenged her housemate's boyfriend to arm wrestle. This guy was also no shrinking violet and agreed, so they went at it and were fairly evenly matched. Unwilling to lose in front of a girl he was trying to impress, Dave pushed and strained and with a triumphant roar he slammed the other guy's hand down onto the table.

However, Dave had been straining far too hard and with all the effort he had lost control of his bowels and shat himself, filling his pants and trousers with runny poo. Not wanting to let all his hard work in attempting to woo this girl go to waste, he excused himself and went to the outside toilet at the back of the kitchen to clean himself up but the damage was too severe for a quick wipe and the throwing away of his pants, so he had a brainwave. He went back into the kitchen and told her that he'd left something at home, nipped across the road to ours, showered and changed and then went back to hers, where she told him in no uncertain terms that the evening was over and he should go home again.

I think she noticed.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Sat 19 Oct 2013, 14:01, 13 replies)

Wait, first you tell us your mate's name isn't Dave, then you say he IS Dave.
Frankly emvee I'm not sure how I can go on believing you here.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sat 19 Oct 2013, 14:49, closed)

He's moderately famous now
So I've called him Dave in this story to protect his identity :/
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Sat 19 Oct 2013, 15:03, closed)

Oh man, it's not Kunt is it?
I bet it's Kunt.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sat 19 Oct 2013, 15:15, closed)

Wait, it can't be Kunt he's not up to moderately famous.
Oh man, It's baldmonkey.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sat 19 Oct 2013, 15:21, closed)

It's Fiona Bruce.
Again.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Sat 19 Oct 2013, 15:32, closed)

That woman is an absolute disgrace.
She's got almost as little dignity as Frisbok.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sat 19 Oct 2013, 15:49, closed)

One of my mates was Kunt's support act the other night
but really, you think I went to university with him?

Vag is right, it was Fiona Bruce
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Sat 19 Oct 2013, 23:54, closed)

Does he want to buy some pegs?

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Sat 19 Oct 2013, 14:51, closed)

This really isn't a patch on the other shitting pants story.
D-
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 19 Oct 2013, 15:21, closed)

Bring back SHITPANTS NUGENT

( Infidel , shit and wrong, Sat 19 Oct 2013, 15:37, closed)

YOU OWN IT NOW!
ALBERT AL AKHBAH!
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sat 19 Oct 2013, 15:49, closed)

i used to have a mate who shit himself on a date.
He's dead now.
(ringofyre, Sat 19 Oct 2013, 16:38, closed)