Hey, funny story;
pregnancy and mainly the giving birth part is fucking horrible. Whoever said that it's a beautiful thing to witness or be a part of must've been so drugged up on gas and air at the time that they probably tried to hold the nurse instead during the labour while shouting "It's a boy!", instead of actually witnessing the gorefest which was coming from the pissflaps instead.

Me wife had a long(ish) 38 or so hour labour. It was full of her suffering and in pain whilst waiting for our "little visitor", so I enjoyed this immensely. When she was starving and waiting for our daughter to turn up I sat right next to her eating a sandwich, taking my time to chew the bread as loudly and as long as possible while she sat there legs akimbo fucking starving herself on doctor's orders. God I'm a cunt. Mrs Jeccy wasn't that uncomfortable through this as she was epiduralled through her back and upto her tits on drugs, so she was sitting there mostly being examined from time to time by docs checking her progress.

We get to the point where the docs aren't happy about the baby taking the scenic route (ie taking her time, not via the colon) and out come the stirrups. Legs go even higher akimbo and Mrs Jeccy's in a bit of pain bless :p After some rapid pushing techniques, which coincidentally resembles a German Shiester flick (apparently) the doc goes in with a medical plunger and pulls our daughter free. The nurses quickly wipe her off, cleaning all the blood and making sure our Nell is ok, which she was considering they just plumbered her out of a cunt. They pass her to me and she's very pale in colour but is crying as they all do. Definately her mother's then :p
Now things start going to shit. I pass her over to her mum who tries to breastfeed her. Within 2 seconds Mrs Jeccy turns yellow and cock-eyed, while dropping Nell off her chest. I literally catch my daughter who'se on mid-slide towards the floor and then hear the doc shout "I NEED A HAND HERE!". I glance over to where he is, which is glaring up the missus's bloodied love gusset as blood fountains out towards him. Nell's taken off me as literally 6-7 nurses all run in and I'm ushered out, stepping in her blood as I walk out. Woah, ummmmm, oh dear?

I take a deep breath and go outside to meet me mum and sis, who are informed of the baby as good and Mrs Jeccy as bad so I urge them to stay outside for a minute, then I come back inside to see what's going on. Now there's 10+ nurses in the same room with the doc and the missus is delirious on the bed shouting "Jeccy, I'm not going to die am I?" before I get ushered out again. I run back outside for a minute and let me mum know again what's happening then after 2 minutes go back inside.

Now we get to the blood bit.

I walk back into the room and the first thing I notice is the silence. There is hardly any sound at all in the room, all except for Nell who makes a quick crying gurgle in the corner. I then realize there's no nurses there, no doc, no Mrs Jeccy or her bed in the room. They're all gone, except for a giant puddle of blood in the centre of the room. I've never seen a puddle of real blood like this in my entire life; it spanned almost the width of the room and was a crimson red. To the left of this pond sat a placenta in a tray on top of a unit and to the right sat my daughter in a small incubator tray. My brain could not deal with this. It hadn't helped that a few nights earlier I'd converted "Silent Hill" to play on my PSP and it had a level with lots of blood and babies in it. This just fucking freaked me well out. After about 20 seconds of me staring around this John Carpenter scene I did kinda shout a bit loud "WHAT THE FUCK?????" to which a nurse in the next room heard and come in. She told me that the wife had been rushed to the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) to stop her from bleeding to death. She's taken a serious tare in her womb when the placenta come out and was bleeding like a pig in a butchers.

Mrs Jeccy obviously survived this, although it turned out that she lost over 4 units of blood during the bleed. The doc managed to stitch her up internally (that would make one hell of a Scout's badge btw -"I earned my "Internal-cunt sewing badge") and after a good transfusion she was able to hold the baby the next day.

The moral of this story btw is if you want a woman to bleed, stab 'em in the cunt.....no wait, no matter how much blood you see they can still survive it. It looks messier and more than it really is, although it's murder getting it out of rape victims. Apparently.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Thu 7 Aug 2008, 23:06, 5 replies)

I'm pleased Mrs Jeccy and Jeccy Junior are ok.
Get a clicky for "plumbered her out of a cunt"
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 7 Aug 2008, 23:21, closed)

You tell a traumatic story like a comedy genius
I want to be you when I grow up.

Click
(MJPerry was crude but clickable at, Fri 8 Aug 2008, 1:58, closed)

What???
They left a newborn unattended? WTF?
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Fri 8 Aug 2008, 2:02, closed)

@TDub
Yup, all the nurses left Nell alone and run off with the mum. It was one of the first things I thought too :(
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 8 Aug 2008, 7:56, closed)

Wow
we would be fired for that. That is so not done.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Sun 10 Aug 2008, 6:53, closed)