Two arseholes
I used to ride a lot of bmx, before I became fat and sloppy. Like many teenagers without a lot to do on a sunday, riding bmx bikes around deserted industrial estates was a lot of fun, and gave you something to do.

Me and my oldest mate rode out to an estate in the middle of nowhere to ride everywhere and try and jump over and off things. The only thing unusual about this weekend was that I had removed the seat post and seat from the frame, I can't remember why, but I wish I hadn't.

Removing the seat post had left the tube it inserted into completely exposed as it extended about two inches from the crossbar. For those who don't know, this would leave a circular steel tube with sharp edges poking up directly where your bum would normally sit.

The day was alright until I jumped down a set of maybe six or seven steps and landed. As the back wheel touched down I went to cushion myself with my legs, soaking up the shock in a crouch like movement. Not being used to the no seat arrangement, as I lowered myself rather rapidly the seat didn't signal to me the need to stop going down and to stand up on the pedals. By the time I realised I was too low I was moving too fast to avoid hitting the tube.

The sharp tube plunged into the gap between my bits and my bum crack with a substantial impact. I wouldn't like to say I was impaled, but it felt like it. There wasn't any sharp pain, just a throb radiating throughout the lower half of my body. Weak at the knees I got off the bike and fell over as the throb became more like the feeling you get when you get smashed in the nuts. My friend showed little concern, standing and laughing as I writhed about in pain.

Eventually I got up to feel trickles of blood down both of my legs. Aware something was quite seriously wrong, we got back on our bikes and cycled, very cautiously to my house. When I got there I told my dad, and he took me up the hospital to get it checked out.

I wont go into details but the positions I had to get into to show the hospital where I'd hurt myself would make a gymnast proud.

Not only that, the fact I had to cover the circular wound up with bandages strapped to my crotch like the male version with of a sanitary towel, did a lot of damage to my faith in bicycles and my athletic ability, as well as giving me a horrible fear that if I ever attempt to pro-create, the tubes will have been snipped by the bicycle equivalent of a vasectomy.
(Stevie Ruggling, Sun 10 Aug 2008, 17:49, 2 replies)

Sorry but
You're a total fucking idiot.
(MJPerry was crude but clickable at, Sun 10 Aug 2008, 23:33, closed)

yeah
that was pretty stupid
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 11 Aug 2008, 10:36, closed)