Dave's knee
I'd just left uni and was back mooching around my home town, and had met a pretty young girl who's knickers I would've quite liked to get into.

It transpired that she knew one of my college buddies who was still up there, so floating the idea of going up to visit him seemed an ideal opportunity for instigating some naughty action.

She asked if she could bring a friend of hers up. Why not, I think, the more the merrier. Now, I discovered that her (female) friend had the unfortunate nickname "Dave", and for good reason - she was quite the munter. And a slapper to boot.

Anyway, we get up there, we start drinking, Dave starts slapping it about a bit, and then for some reason does a crazy lawn-dive in the garden in the darkness. Then the screams ensue. Real head-vibrating screams. She's gashed her knee on a beer bottle top, and there's blood pissing everywhere.

Being a gent, myself and her lovely young lady pal take her to hospital, and spend the next few hours sobering up and getting early hangovers.

Eventually they stitch her up, then I order a taxi, who stitches me up (metaphorically), and (hopefully) it's back for more boozing and an attempt at a leg-over for me.

However, when we get back, my college buddy is now sozzled and horny, grabs the lovely young lady, and drags her off into his room, where he attempts to penetrate her using the latex gloves she's lifted from A&E as ersatz condoms.

So now it's just Dave and me on the sofa, so I did the right thing - fed her enough booze to knock her out, and I went and slept on the floor in the room next door, cold and lonely.

Bah.
(JohabMorelli is spenging merrily away, Mon 11 Aug 2008, 22:34, 1 reply)

Not much of a buddy!!
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 12 Aug 2008, 10:28, closed)