Crazy Jenn
I had one friend who fits this topic perfectly. Where to begin?

Meet Crazy Jenn, circa 2001
www.angelfire.com/gu/smersh/015jenn.html

I met her in university when I was working as news editor for the student newspaper. We got along pretty well as friends. I was in love with a girl at the time (because she had an English accent) so I was off-limits. She messed around with one of the other guys at the paper, and then he went on and messed with three other girls at the newspaper (over the course of six months). Then one day all three of those girls realised they had HPV. So that means Crazy Jenn gave it to the guy, and five people in our social group now had the same STD.

Later on, my friend James took her home. He was a hopeless 20-year-old virgin on the verge of either suicide or homosexuality. He was drunk so he was going to crash at her place rather than drive home. She invited him in to have sex. "I don't have a condom but that's okay." He slept in his car. Good boy.

I started dating a short girl who was half Filipina half Native. She couldn't understand why I'd date her when Crazy Jenn is 6 feet tall and very attractive (the only reason Crazy Jenn didn't become a model is her jaw is crooked). I tried explaining to her that Crazy Jenn earned her name a certain way, but we were just friends (plus, I preferred Asians; see username). Exactly ten minutes after I gave this speech, Crazy Jenn told me "I've been hitting on you for months, and I'm starting to get frustrated that you aren't responding." Uh-oh.

She could have stalked me, but she was an ADD stalker. She would divert her energy to stalking my friends. She stalked my friend Jebus, and out of pity for his less handsome best friend Adam, she stalked him too. She stalked every musician in our city, leading one guy to dive out of a taxi to escape her. She cornered the girlfriend of one guitarist in the washroom and said "I know you think I'm after your boyfriend..." Then realised "Wait, I am after him."

I'll lead you off with the climax. My housewarming party at my new apartment. She showed up, came up to my girlfriend and said "Like my necklace?" Anyway, girlfriend left for home early, I got high and drank way too much. I ended up in my underwear in the bathroom barfing out blue. This might have been in a previous QOTW story. One of my friends had to use to bathroom, so I told him to go off the balcony. Another friend boiled some perogies, then asked me if I could have them, and I shouted "No!" through the door. I was a speedbump.

I woke up in the morning to find everyone had gone home save for my friend Powermann. I asked if anyone else had stayed the night, and he said "Crazy Jenn slept in your bed." Oh holy christ. I was not in a state where I could perform, but just the thought she was in there sent willies through my skeleton.

Crazy Jenn called my girlfriend and asked her to look for her necklace, which had gone missing. She found it, several months later, while rearranging the bedroom. It was under the bed. As best as I can tell, she planted it there to break us up. At that point I decided never to talk to Crazy Jenn again.

Next time I had a party, several people called up beforehand and said they'll only go if Crazy Jenn isn't there.

I'd insert a penis joke, but I really can't remember what happened. I don't have the genital warts though.
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Sun 19 Nov 2006, 3:31, Reply)