Starry Eyed Surprise
A few regenerations ago I was female – a tall, ivory-skinned, green-eyed, copper-haired goddess. I was hotter than a Pyrovile’s pants and all genders of all species lusted after me. Hell, I often think of going back in time and shagging myself, and will one day, when I’ve worked out how to counteract the Blinovitch Limitation Effect.

Back then I was working for the Braxiatel Collection as Offworlder Liaison Officer, a pretty sweet job, and one of the most relaxing and untroubled periods of my life. That was until I met HER. The woman who broke both my hearts: Bernice Surprise Summerfield. She was (and still is) a human archaeologist, tall and skinny with short black hair, a deadpan wit and a liking for booze of all sorts. The moment I saw her I knew I wanted her.

It started off as jealousy. You see, she used to travel around with that time travelling twunt the Doctor, and she still saw him from time to time. I knew he’d fucked her, and wanted a piece of that. I watched her stride around the gardens of the Collection so mature and assured looking, and imagined her naked, completely at my mercy – in a good, sexy way. In this incarnation I was actually quite nice – as well as looking like a hot redhead female humanoid, I also had no tendencies towards torture like other of my incarnations. My intentions towards Bernice Summerfield were pure... well... almost! I just wanted to eat her out for hours and hours on end until her fanny was a sopping wet quivering flesh-lettuce and my face was slathered in her juices, and I wanted her to do the same to me.

My TARDIS was disguised as a piece of topiary in the Taran Gardens on the Collection, but I lived in the main building as it was a secret that I (and Irving Braxiatel) were Time Lords. One day I had cause to go to my TARDIS to fetch a meson particle scanner Brax wanted for some reason of his own. Looking back I think the whole thing might have been a set-up, or a joke; crafty bugger, that Brax, always playing games within games within games. It was very late at night and the whole asteroid was lit only by the stars. I was about to enter when I heard a slurred voice behind me:

‘I recognishe that humming... that’sh a TARDISH, izzzn’t it?’

It was Bernice. She was pissed. Not unusual. I’d been rumbled – but I decided to take advantage of the situation. ‘Yes, it is! And I am a Time Lord,’ I said, bearing down on the tipsy archaeologist. I draped my arms around her neck and breathed into her ear: ‘Ever fucked a Time Lord?’

She sort of melted into my arms and we kissed. Soon we were back in my room exploring each other’s bodies. Her cunt was beautiful, with exquisite coral pink labia, and pubic hair cut short (I hate a hairy bush). I licked and fingered her to orgasm and then sat on her face whilst her eager tongue explored my Gallifreyan gash. She actually managed to make me come – only one other humanoid (Lord Byron) had ever achieved that! In the afterglow I poured more wine down her throat and slipped her a tab of Retcon. We fell asleep in each other’s arms.

Over breakfast, I asked her if she remembered anything about the night before. Of course, she didn’t, just a vague memory of mind-blowing sex. We fingered each other to orgasm again, and then went our separate ways, my secret safe once more.

But that wasn’t the end of it – obviously, or I wouldn’t be posting a story here. To my complete dismay, I fell in love with her.

For the next week we kept bumping in to each other, with embarrassed smiles and glances of longing and lust. Over a meal in Cafe Vosta, we decided that we could not ignore this thing and embarked upon a full-on affair. The sex was incredible. I worshipped her cunt, it was the most beautiful flower in the universe, it smelled and tasted of warm buttered toast and honey. She loved my tits best of all – whilst hers were small-ish, no more than a handful, mine were substantial udders of satisfying weight and proportion to my frame. She would spend hours chewing and slobbering over my nipples, sending jactitating waves of pleasure shuddering through me. I loved her thin wiry frame, she adored my fulsome curvaceous body with its ivory white skin and ginger hair (collars and cuffs) and legs that went on for miles and miles. Yes, as the classic Terran song went, we were deeply dippy for each other. I used to walk around with a smidgeon of her crab tears smeared under my nose, just so I could smell her all of the time.

It couldn’t last. These things never do, for me. I was a Time Lord, she human, and if we stayed together I would have to watch her age and die; or she would have to watch me regenerate and become, physically anyway, a totally different person, maybe even a different gender (for the record, I have been female twice, mostly male, and I am currently male). But things didn’t get to that stage, probably fortunately.

When the break-up came it was sudden and against both our wishes. One night, we over-indulged on a crate of Chateau Yquatine, broke into the Collection and went fuck-crazy in the Alien Sex Toys section. We took a couple of Varosian juicing tabs each, stripped and dived into an Arcturan Jizzcuzzi, rogered each other senseless with a Floranan Double-Ended Dildo, and walked around giggling and gasping with Jocondan Love Eggs shoved up our dripping fannies. Things got out of hand when we activated a pair of Pudendolls and watched them rampaging and rutting in heat, knocking over the exhibits and making one hell of a racket. A racket that brought Security crashing down around our sweating, flushed, satiated bodies.

Brax went apeshit. We had caused untold grotzits of damage, and brought scandal and shame to the Collection. One of us had to go. I knew it was me. As a Time Lord, I should have known better. So I agreed to leave.

Benny and I and I spent one last blissful day together in the Garden of Whispers, just holding each other, no sex. I was scheduled to leave on the evening shuttle run – of course, I was really going to leave in my TARDIS, but we had to indulge in a little deception to keep my Time Lord identity secret. Oh how I longed to tell her I was really a Time Lord! How I longed to take her away with me as my companion, just as that bastarding Doctor had done!

But it was not to be. Disguised in a long hooded cloak pretending to be one of the Order of Zbi-Quickity, I watched from Benny from the edge of the spaceport as she watched the shuttle she thought I was on lift off and sail away into the stars.

She stood there for a long time, face upturned to the heavens, just looking up at the point where the shuttle had vanished beyond sight. I stood and watched her for as long as I could stand it, then I stumbled sobbing to my TARDIS and left the Collection for ever. I set the controls to Temporal Orbit and sat in the Cloister Room for days, crying my hearts out. When the tears finally dried I went to 19th Century Earth and fucked around for a bit. Lord Byron was very supportive (and a great lay as usual).

I never saw her again.

I could see her at any time – travel to any point on her timeline. See her as a baby. See her as an old crone. See her grave.

But I can’t. Even for a Time Lord, some wounds never heal.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Sun 15 Sep 2013, 19:47, 21 replies)

Tl;dr.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sun 15 Sep 2013, 19:48, closed)

Fuck off Ginge.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sun 15 Sep 2013, 19:58, closed)

Not more fucking Star Wars

(McChinaman banned, Sun 15 Sep 2013, 20:27, closed)

Nobody will ever know, because nobody ever bothers reading it.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sun 15 Sep 2013, 20:31, closed)

I think you forgot the pun at the end.

(Woodlouse say it with flowers. Send her a Triffid, Sun 15 Sep 2013, 20:38, closed)

Isn't this how 50 shades of grey started?
(cs1ca, Sun 15 Sep 2013, 22:00, closed)

I rather liked it.

(brainburger, Mon 16 Sep 2013, 1:19, closed)

1. saw tl nature of post
2. skipped to end to see if educated guess about poster was correct
3. was, so dr
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Sep 2013, 7:11, closed)

^

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 16 Sep 2013, 9:48, closed)

^what cuntymints said^

(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Mon 16 Sep 2013, 10:00, closed)

Pfft, he deleted a post because I told him he was pretending to be a fictional character and it was dull.
Mental ahoy!
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 10:01, closed)

Oh pffffffffffffffffffffft
Just for you, my fondest admirer, the deleted post was:

"I take great exception to this!

Not really.

Ha ha!"

Must dash am very busy helping Torchwood fight off / fuck an invasion of gay Cybermen. Ooer!
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 15:33, closed)

all that effort and you're outdone by a retarded old australian weeping about his failed marriage
sad times doc
(alright alright, Mon 16 Sep 2013, 7:55, closed)

Is it failing because a combination of him spending all his time on here or chasing women on online dating sites?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 8:11, closed)

don't know or care
his facebook says single though
(alright alright, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 11:11, closed)

poidh

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 12:43, closed)