ikea. They really put a lot of thought into their design!
having been dragged to ikea for the fuck-knows-how-manyith-time, i did the usual and forced myself out of the swedish induced consumer coma feelng you get when walking around their rabbit warren by indulging in one of their ludicrously cheap hotdogs. Given the hot weather i even reated myself to a coke. Now, the hotdog scarfing area was adjacent to the exit. The adjoining partition was a huge sheet of glass. Now, standing where i was i was looking directly into a huge industrial bin of ikea catalogues waiting on the eage hands of the ikea faithful to snatch them to their ample bosoms.

VERY ample bosoms as it turned out. I know this because my vantage point allowed me ”access all areas”. Every lady who leaned over gave me her very own private show. The only problem was that the glass partition made it feel like a seedy peep show. However, even a birthday party planner catering exclusively to rich children has never seen this many "fun bags".

Whatever regurgitated spunk morsel of a fashion editor led the ladies to believe that bra-less boho chic was the way to go that summer, i offer you my sincerest thanks.
(OTT, Thu 13 May 2010, 0:01, 3 replies)

Click for
'Consumer Coma'. A busy Ikea is surely a truer vision of hell than Hieronymous Bosch could ever conjure. I had a panic attack in the South London one and my wife doesn't make me go any more.
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Thu 13 May 2010, 10:01, closed)

The Edinburgh branch has been there maybe 10 years
and I've been once - I'll not be back. WTF is going on with the arrows on the floors? Are we all a bloody herd or what? Can we not wander where we like and just browse FFS?
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 13 May 2010, 10:07, closed)

The arrows are to create an entirely illusionary...
sense of order, I suppose. The whole set up at Ikea almost seems designed to drive you insane - a weird, dystopic mix of chaos and banality. They are actually conducive to aberrant behaviour. Google 'Ikea Riots' and you will find 174,000 links. I think the Edmonton one was the most recent to erupt in violence.
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Thu 13 May 2010, 10:25, closed)