Kneeeee-el for the bus driver, bus driver, bus driver.....
WARNING: This post may contain a high quota of gay.

This story starts with a highly embarrassing situation; the one, and only time I have been stood up. A beautiful young boy of 17 (never fear, I was the same age), I had long desired to pop his middle class cherry. Alas, he didn't turn up, probably thinking twice about meeting a strident, sexually carnivorous semi-chav. I have been known to devour my virgin conquests so he made the right decision.

I digress. He had not turned up, so I was waiting in the tramps-piss soaked bus station in beauteous Bedford. I eventually got on a bus to go home, whereupon alighting the bus the driver looked at me with his kind, kind eyes and asked, "Whats wrong, sweetheart?" As he was obviously more gay than Rupert the Bear pulling aside a set of pink, loveheart strewn bikini briefs for an unseen dogger to enter him roughly and without sympathy, I told him the whole story. His lovely big pink, shiny head nodded along.

From then on, I saw him a few times a week on the buses. He let me on for free, and used to mimic the horrible little chav girls who screeched constantly on the buses until I nearly wet my tiny pants in laughter. I knew everything about his nice bear of a boyfriend, and his love of high camp female singers.

Then he met my best friend, a massive bender.

To give a little background, 1. He has had a full beard since the age of 13. 2. His Irish dad is nicknamed Hatchet because at 17 he chopped a mans hand off with a hatchet (This is long before Lock, Stock). Thats Tinkers for you! 3. He was only 15.

Obviously, this 40+ bus driver would have a passing pancy to this young, hairy bum bandit. Unfortunately, it went a little further. Only a few months ago (bearing in mind he is now 19) he told me once he went into the bus driver's cafe for a weak cup of tea and a jam sandwich and ended up noshing him off in the staff toilets. The bus drivers boyfriend at the time? Off visiting his mum, who was dying of cancer. Classy.

And that?

Is why you should never speak to strangers.
(Turn that bloody gramaphone down has incorrect spelling in her username *WINS*, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 14:17, Reply)