The Rules of Bus-Or
1. Buses MUST smell of either:

a) Piss
b) Vomit
c) Farts

or a combination of the three.

2. Buses MUST, at all times, contain:

a) A month-old copy of Metro
b) An empty drinks can which rolls sloooowly and noisily under the seats
c) One loony (see 3. below)

3. With regards to c) above, the loony must meet the following minimum criteria:

a) Must smell, and the smell must be so overpowering that when combined with those set out in 1. above, that it is physically visible and/or audible
b) Must resemble, or indeed be, a paedo
c) Must have unnerving stare of at least 75 on the Alan Moore scale and be able to engage passengers in conversations about the nuclear bomb he is building in his shed, Star Trek, or the little green goblin that talks to him and tells him to kill women

4. In summer, buses must contain at least ONE wasp at ALL times. Drivers to be issued with wasp in jam-jar at commencement of journey, to be released prior to emboardation of any passengers.

5. No Standees Beyond This Point.

6. Exact Change Only. Passenger Change Tickets Available.

7. Posters recruiting bus drivers must be as outlandish and askew to reality as possible, so much so that David Lynch himself would cry. Example: "Enjoy meeting people? Enjoy travel? Become a bus driver!" There should be no limit to the imagination when designing such posters, up to and including, "Want to pull the birds, earn millions, and become the most popular person on Earth? Become a bus driver!"

8. The hyrdraulic brakes on every bus should make a noise akin to a thousand elephants being castrated with a rusty scythe.

9. Should any man over the age of 26 board a bus, the driver should regard him with a pitying stare and slow, sad shake of the head.

10. Bus-Or is never late.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 17:09, Reply)