"I'm not F*cking Swearing, whay are you being a c*nt?"
On the 30 bus, going from Highbury to as near to "Randy's Pimp Palace" in Homerton as I can get. On the phone to Mrs Randy at the time, regailing her with my erotic lyricisms, and generally making her laugh and wet in equal measures. Good times.

Been to a footbal match at the Emirates and in general jovial mood. Outside the Tesco on Morning Lane, for those who know it, 24 hour Tesco, and after about 9:30 every night, exclusively populated by the scum of the Earth. A complete Twat gets on, complete with his unmarked carrier bag of Cider, I'm on the top deck, and can't see him at this point, but can hear him clear as day, let's call him Cuntface:

Cuntface: "You Fucking Cunt, I ain't got no money, I ain't paying"

Subtext: As I've spent the lot on Cider.

Driver: "Please do not swear at me Sir"

Subtext: CUNT

Cuntface: "I ain't fucking swearing, what are yo being a cunt for?"

Subtext: I've had lots and lots of cider, and have acheived cuntvana

Driver: "Sir, as I've asked you nicely, I'm not moving the bus until you're not on it"

Subtext: Fuck Off.

This goes on, and on, and on, much to the annoyance of everyone on the bus except me, who is still making Mrs Randy even randier with my quips and witicisms.

Anyway, Cuntface eventually gets of the bus, and the bus driver closes the doors. This results in Cuntface standing in front of the bus shouting "You can't go nowhere with me in front of the bus"!!!!!

This goes on for some time, with every move the bus makes Cuntface compensates this way and that. Eventually, Cuntface makes his fatal move and stumbles off towards the pavement in a final desperate throw of pissed up ineptitude. The bus driver, seeing his opportunity makesa a bid for freedom, and accelerates off toward the open road, propelling me tantalisingly closer to home, only for Cuntface to recover just in time to throw his body in the way of an accelerating bus.

Cuntface knocked unconcious and cider cans pissing and hissing all over the road, and Randy releiving his baldder in his pants through the shear weight of laughing like he's having a epileptic episode.

Brilliant. Didn't stick around for the aftermath of Police and St John's ambulance brigade, and decided to walk home instead, much to Mrs Randy's frustration, as I could have been round her's getting less Randy by the second, and waht a good second that would have been.
(Randyqueen Hangin' out the back of Lady Boys, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 17:46, 2 replies)

'cuntvana'
* steals to use in own anecdotes *
(tjn whizzing on the electric fence of life, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 18:23, closed)

^ This

( Maladicta, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 19:34, closed)