Wrong end of the stick...
My uncle and his mate, Julian, despite being mid forties, still have an eye for the women, and I often have to listen to them banging on about the various one night stands they’ve recently had, including the sordid details. Julian, is by far the worst; one of my personal favourite tales he’s told me, ends with the line , “So I just spunked on her big ginger carpet whilst she was asleep”, but I’ll save that for another time. Anyways, they had been to a Paul Weller gig in London, and after it had finished, decided to venture into a bar to carry on their nights entertainment.
As they queued for drinks, Julian recognised an actress off the TV, stood next to them, with her back to my uncle. It was someone from Eastenders (who I’m trying desperately to remember the name of, will edit once I get it), and Julian took the chance to strike up a conversation.

All was going well; Julian bought her a drink and they sat and chatted for a good 15 minutes whilst my uncle played gooseberry. Julian actually thought he was in – she was laughing at his jokes and ignoring the attention of several other people. He asked her if she was enjoying her role in Eastenders to which she replied,

“Yes, I love it, although I haven’t been in many scenes since I lost the baby”.

“I’m so, so sorry to hear that, please accept my condolences”, a very apologetic Julian whispered.

“In the program you idiot”, was said actresses reply, and with that, she left.
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Fri 9 Oct 2009, 11:54, Reply)