kerry katona
about 5 years ago, a very good friend of mine was running a greet-a-gram business. you know, turning up at parties, giving out bottles of cheap champagne, taking pictures, all whilst wearing embarrassing outfits.
one saturday night, we had decided to hit the town for some fun. however, a last-minute booking meant that we were running late, so my friend asked me to go to work with him, so that we could carry straight on to town afterwards. this seemed like a good idea, so that's what we did.
arriving at the given address, we were more than a little surprised to be greeted at the door by kerry katona herself. it wasn't her house, but she had booked the job. the only name she'd given us was kerry, so that's how we addressed her. it must have been a fancy-dress party, but all the guests seemed to have had the same idea and come dressed as pikey chav-whores.
within 2 minutes, she was throwing her weight around, demanding discounts and freebies that she certainly wasn't going to get. my friend said that either she paid, or we left. purple with rage and stella, she slurred "don't you know who i AM???"
my mate looked her slowly up and down and replied "no, should i?"
at this point, i had to turn away so she couldn't see me stuffing my sleeve into my mouth to stifle the laughter.
realising that her "celebrity" status wasn't doing her any good, she soon quieted down and let my mate do his job.
she still demanded extra polaroids at no extra cost, though.
she didn't fucking get them, the talentless chavvy iceland reject.

i also ran into ian wright in a club called the paradox once. unfortunately, i was hammered and told him he was dressed like a deckchair. he found this quite amusing.
nice bloke.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 11 Oct 2009, 19:04, 6 replies)

Dave Guest, Z list reporter on BBC's North West Tonight
once used the "Do you know who I am?" line on me. I'd shut him out of my courtroom as it was full and he was determined to come in. I said no, and closed the door in his face. Ha.

Is that line ever going to work?
( t0ria has forgotten how this all works, Sun 11 Oct 2009, 19:13, closed)

sadly
it probably works on starfuckers
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 11 Oct 2009, 20:28, closed)

ha, the Paradox, I remember hearing radio ads about that place
(cs192 is sucking on a Koala at, Sun 11 Oct 2009, 21:51, closed)

it was a laugh
my ex rode there once on his push-bike. he made the mistake of saying something rude to a large bloke on the way out, then not riding away quickly enough.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 11 Oct 2009, 22:00, closed)

Paradox in Aintree?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Oct 2009, 11:19, closed)

yep, that's the one!
all my local nightclubs have shut down now, which is a shame.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 12 Oct 2009, 17:22, closed)