Nast y and Nice
I have two stories, when where I was nasty and one where I was nice.

As a student back in the early nineties me and my mates used to frequent 'The Hobbit' down in Southampton. One evening after an all day session, and in a state of advanced refreshment, we all piled into the pub to be confronted by Chris Packham off Autumn Watch (back then 'The Really Wild Show'). He used to hang around the student bars even though he was far too old to be there. Cue a bunch of lads shouting "Look, it's Terry Nutkins!" across the bar at him. We then marched over and proceeded to ask questions like "What's the fastest land animal, Terry?" to which he replied "A cheetah, lads. Now fuck off". He was also wearing a 'Destroy' top (for those of you not acquainted with 90s fashion they were short sleeved rubber numbers that made the (very soon reversed) cross-over from gay / bondage clubs to the mainstream. On seeing this I pointed out to him "You're much too fat to wear 'Destroy'!" which didn't amuse him one bit.

His bird looked like an Estonian prostitute and was obviously very dirty but also very annoyed by our attentions. After thoroughly winding him up we left after shouting "See you, Terry!" across the pub at him and all waving, much to the amusement of all present. He wasn't happy. Serves him right for hanging around student bars when you're in your 30s.

The time when I was nice was when I recently went to Andy Parsons off 'Mock the Week's' house for a party. I had very, very bad guts that weekend and so snuck off to relieve myself mid-party. Unfortunately when I had finished and flushed several times the toilet bowl still looked like the ground in a farmyard. No problem, I thought. I'll give it a whizz around with the loo brush. Only there was no loo brush! As he is a very nice chap I couldn't bear to leave the bog in that state I went off on a hunt to find a toilet with a brush. Cue me sneaking round a famous comedian's house, bog brush in hand, hoping desperately that no-one would see me. I even wrapped it in loo roll on the way back so it wouldn't drip everywhere. Imagine trying to explain that one to a shocked party go-er!

Anyway, I managed to do it with no-one seeing, so I wasn't embarrassed and Andy had a lovely clean loo!

Length? Oh no, there was no consistency to that one
(give it six weeks and it might clear up would like to butter your muffin, Mon 12 Oct 2009, 14:51, 1 reply)

Im sure you could have
left the brush in the second toilet!
(ignoramusaurus, Tue 13 Oct 2009, 13:46, closed)