Do you like peanuts?
My best mate is a legend in many ways. He once kept his eyes open for 28 minutes, only Nessa rivals him in number of people known in Wales and he has a knack of knowing exactly how cheeky to be to girls and when to stop being cheeky and start being blatantly suggestive, consequently having a list of conquests longer than Alexander The Great.

He came to visit me once in Cardiff. We went out to the local dive rock club, which despite smelling of piss is often home to a large number of nubile young ladies. We had a few drinks and I noted one girl in particular whose acquaintance would make me smile more than Josef Fritzl at the London Dungeon.

So he told me to go talk to her.

"Ask her if she likes peanuts."
"What?"
"Ask her if she likes peanuts."
"Are you serious?"
"I'm telling you. Go over there and ask her if she likes peanuts."
"Whatever, dude, you insane bastard..."

So I walked over, completely ready for a curt 'Fuck Off' and a look that would curdle petrol.

"Hi. Do you like peanuts?"
She turns and regards me with amusement.
"Yes, I do. Do you?"
"I do! They are such wonderful little things, aren't they..." and I was off. Once I get into a conversation with a girl who doesn't run off at the sight of me, I am a smooth-talking bastard. It's just that first line that I rarely get right, so I was eternally grateful to my mate for giving me that chance.

Or at least I was until he came up to me five minutes later and delivered the line: "Alright Cyph, did the clinic give you the all clear yet?"

I didn't see her again.
(cypherspace is not a toaster, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 23:30, 1 reply)

I am clicking this
purely on the basis of "smile more than Josef Fritzl at the London Dungeon"
(anvil, Sun 13 Dec 2009, 14:15, closed)