Wheezy Girlfriend.
Not long ago I sat on top of my girlfriend(now ex, so ladies form an orderly queue please), held her mouth closed and put my mouth over her nose and blew down it. I wanted to see if she made the same wheezing noise the dog makes when I did it to him. She didn't.

Not long after that I recall pulling my fingers out of her sodden vagina. I opened and closed my fingers and her wetness formed a stringy little web between them. I did what any grown up 32 yr old would do in that situation. I yelled out "Spiderweb!!" as I laughed to myself hysterically.

Then one day early on in our relationship we were driving along. Her phone rang so as she was driving she asked me to get it. It was her mum. After the usual cordial bullshit I popped the million dollar question, 'So, did Ruth tell you she's pregnant'. I got an earful after that one. Apparently her mum is really religious and didn't take my joke very well.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 20:47, 4 replies)

ex you say?
wow i bet it was her antisocial behaviour that caused that relationship to end!
(Discreditor wants the dream to come true, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 21:28, closed)

You're ruthless.
At least, if she has any sense you are.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 17 Sep 2009, 23:13, closed)

lolz

(Evilweevil is covered in bees, Fri 18 Sep 2009, 13:08, closed)

You seem like a real catch!

(The Kwyjibo A big, dumb, balding North American ape., Fri 18 Sep 2009, 16:36, closed)