...and put the freshness back
An old mate of mine (sadly no longer with us) was sharing a flat with someone he truly despised on every level.

Whilst hoovering* the living room carpet he called the guy over...

"Here, mate, can you smell burning?"

"No"

"I can, I think it's coming from the Hoover. Can you smell anything?"

Flatmate then does what any normal person would do, and took a nice long, deep sniff from the exhaust of the Hoover. At this point (and with perfect timing) my mate releases the most vile and stinking of farts right into the hose, thus filling flatmate's lungs with turbocharged, superheated anal gas...


Ever since hearing that story, I've been dying to try it on someone (dead mature me, like...) but I've never had the right combination of 'fart availability', 'Hoover use' and 'disliked person within vicinity'. One day, maybe...



(* other vacuum cleaners are available)
(mellotron never could get the hang of Thursdays, Sun 20 Sep 2009, 0:18, 2 replies)

this needs to be tried!
and soon!
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 20 Sep 2009, 8:29, closed)

The old lift trick
Try eating egg sandwich and then 20 minutes later getting into an empty lift. Then fill the space with your mephitic bum-egg stench just before getting out. It's all in the timing, and there's extra points if someone steps in as you're getting out.
(mudskipper, Mon 21 Sep 2009, 2:16, closed)