I kinda feel like victor meldrew but here goes....
kylie fucking minogue, ugly, horse faced convict, just because she got her arse & tits out in a video doesnt make her fit.

when "out on the town", going into a bar and asking for a pint of bitter and paying £4 for a pint of cold, creamy shit that is so bland i could be drinking water for all i know.

these spotty little oiks with multi coloured pants showing above their jeans - pull them fucking up!

peter andre.

lost. a polar bear? in a jungle? what?

exercise.

BMW's.

festivals - standing in a field full of shit, mud & piss, straining to see some band, no thanks.

Australia. Everyone talks like theyre always asking a question and the country is full of things waiting to bite you whilst you shit.

Cars. I dont care how long it takes to get from 0-60 or how many horses it has "under the hood". If it moves, it doesnt breakdown and it keeps me dry and warm, thats fine by me.

facebook. keep in touch with people you barely spoke to at school - great.

Fried eggs. I really want to like them but after the yolk has gone, im just not interested.

Alton towers. £30+ quid to spend most of the day queing, and all so you can get driven around a glorified train track for 90 seconds.

Sex and the city. Four women who like drinking, spending time with their mates and shagging. riveting.

Walking. As an activity. It is merely a form of transport, nothing else.

Dogs. They shit, dribble and moult everywhere. Theyre are not the same as having kids - if my dog was "crying" at 3am in the morning, i'd kick it outside, social services however frown upon this if you do the same with kids.

friendly neighbours. I want to be able to walk to my car or cut my grass without having to engage in puerile small talk, just because our houses are next to each other.

organic food. its been grown in shit but it costs twice as much.

all american "comedies", friends being the worst culprit.

sambuca. its just plain nasty.

Premiership football. Non league is "where its at". real football, with real players and real fans.

comic fucking relief. dont come to me, asking for a quid to sponsor you whilst you do a sponsored wank or something, and then look offended when i say no. I contribue to charities, of my choosing, every month, not once every two years like you do so, dont try and make feel like a cheap skate.

Salad. It always looks nice but no matter how many times I eat it, I always expect it to taste nice, only to discover I'm chewing soggy paper.

Summer. Maybe suffering from hayfever doesnt help but you cant win - we either have a decent summer in which case you spend 3 months having a permanently sweating arse crack and ball bag, or its a washout and you spend 3 months waiting to use your barbecue.

Reducing my carbon footprint. I dont care if the planet ends up imploding, as long as it doesnt happen in the next fifty years, so I can shuffle off in peace. It'll be the kids' problem, once theyve solved the problem of clothes that fit & talking properly, they can sort out their planet.

I think im done.
(Singo69, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 0:19, 2 replies)

Victor! I thought you were dead!
You just left behind your cap and buggered off... Never even said goodbye.
(Connor Lingus is running this monkey farm now, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 0:42, closed)

totally with you on the neighbour thing,
the uninteresting cunts.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 16 Oct 2009, 0:46, closed)