A very non-funny response. You have been warned.
I’ll tell you how I was conned.

I was conned by all of western civilization, who told me that to really be happy you needed to marry and have kids.

I had a very lonely childhood, to say the least- which is not something that I’m willing to go into here- so when I was in college and I found a girl who seemed to really like me, I stuck with her. When we got out of college I stayed with her for the next two years, in fact. All seemed to be good, and I was finally happy for a time.

Then I was going to a different college (I didn’t get a degree at the first one) and was going to be moving a few hours away. She flatly stated that she wasn’t going with me unless we were married. As I was 22 at the time and she was 21, I thought it a little premature- but she’s a Catholic and more stubborn than three mules, so eventually I caved in. We married, I went to college and got a degree, we moved to Syracuse and settled down.

Two years later I gave in to the other Catholic pressure she was bringing to bear, and we had our first kid. After the third one arrived I got fixed, so no more of those- a move of which she did not approve in the slightest, but as it’s my nutsack, it was done anyway.

And then reality settled in.

She soon discovered that being a parent involves a lot of very hard work, very little time to one’s self, and some compromises being made. As this didn’t agree with her ideas of what marriage and kids should be like, she got increasingly mental- and started getting very abusive to me.

I tried for another ten fucking years to keep the marriage going, because that was what everyone told me was the Right Thing to Do. It all fell apart during my second year of engineering school, and I damn near failed out. Somehow I managed to get through, got my degree, and found myself basically back where I was at the age of 21- single, no money, driving a beat-up old car, struggling like hell to pay my bills. Only thing was, now I was 41 instead of 21, and about twenty years behind where I should have been. And I had three teenagers depending on me besides, as their mother is still a mentalist and gives them the emotional support one would expect from the director of your average orphanage.

Don’t misinterpret- I love the three of them and am glad to have them, but honestly, if I had known what lay ahead I never would have brought them into such a crap situation. But what did I know? Everyone always tells us that unless we marry and have kids our lives are wasted, so I bought it hook line and sinker.

Western civilization is full of crap. And the fucking Catholic church needs to get out of the Middle Ages and join us in the 21st Century. I see far too many people who have fallen for the same con and are wondering how the hell it all got so crazy and miserable, when all they were doing is following the rules to happiness…

Sorry for the lack of humor. I just hope that maybe I can serve as a warning to someone.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 18 Oct 2007, 16:56, 5 replies)

Thanks Loon, I may print this off to show my mother
I am 30, single, no kids and want it to stay that way (at least for the time being). My mother asks me every time I see her when am I going to find a girl, get married & give her some grandchildren.

The idea brings me out in cold sweats!
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 18 Oct 2007, 17:03, closed)

Similarly
Despite my older brother being about to spawn, my mother keeps making hints that my boyf and I (who have only been together for just over two years) are taking things "extremely slowly", and "wouldn't I like to get some children out before I'm too old"?

WTF? I'm 25! And I don't like children below the age of 18...
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 18 Oct 2007, 17:12, closed)

hmmmm
"...I tried for ten fucking years to keep the marriage going, because that was what everyone told me was the Right Thing to Do. It all fell apart..."

Together 10 years - check
3 kids - check
wife - check

remembering that tomorrow is my wedding anniversary and I have got nothing - check.

umbongo is bricking himself.
( umbongo I vote for Evil Lu as Mayor of /talk, Thu 18 Oct 2007, 17:37, closed)

The flip side
The flip side of this is that I'm 35 in December, have no partner, it's too late to have kids, and I'm just at the beginning of my career. This isn't necessarily because anyone told me to live like this - there was a recession in the early 90s which would have made family-starting a fairly shit idea - but I am now having to move into a headspace where I am no longer *choosing* not to have children.
So your problem is not so much that you got married and had kids, the problem is that you married a mentalist.
(Emily Bruce-Dickinson http://jovialfellow.blogspot.com/, Thu 18 Oct 2007, 23:52, closed)

EBD
You're right, of course... and yet I can't help but wonder. Had I not married her, I would have married someone else pretty quickly, I'm sure- and then what? Would I have been happy with them? Or would I have felt trapped after a time and had a classic mid-life crisis? Honestly I can't really say. Would I have had regrets if I had stayed single? Don't know that one either. But I do know that the pressure to mate and breed that society puts on us is pure and unadulterated bullshit. We don't need any more goddam people- we're overcrowded as it is. So why the pressure to make more? Because of antiquated ideas that became outdated a hundred years ago that society can't let go of.

Finding a partner in life is a good thing, certainly- I won't dispute that. But it has to be done on one's own schedule, and those who don't really feel a need for kids should not be pressured into it. Life is not really a Barbie and Ken existence like in the sitcoms- but that's the line that people are still being fed by the churches and families and society at large, and young naive people are being conned into believing it. And I have but one thing to say to that:

FUCK.

THAT.

SHIT.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 19 Oct 2007, 12:40, closed)