Badgers
When I was wee, my family used to amuse ourselves in the interminable car journey down to Devon by counting the roadkill and guessing what it was. It was a somewhat macabre version of the iSpy books I had diligently filled in and was thus left with no more exciting things to look out for on the endless stretches of road.

"A badger!" I exclaimed, pointing out of the window with glee at a mutilated corpse on the hard shoulder.

"Don't be silly," my mum said, a smile playing at her lips, which at the age of seven I had failed to identify as I am going to troll my child for shits and giggles. "Badgers don't exist."

Imagine, if you will, the earth-shattering realisation that the world you thought you knew was a fiction. That those funny black-and-white big-rat animals were in fact entirely made-up. What else was untrue? I had already dealt, that year, with the discovery that Santa, God and the Tooth Fairy were lies. Was anything real any more?

I whimpered. "But that looked like a badger," I protested.

"They're pretend," my mum insisted. "Someone plants them on the roadside as a trick."

I accepted this. Following the Santa-revelation, I knew that if my mum told me something was imaginary, it probably was. Mistrust flickered. Was my mum one of those people who planted fake badger-corpses to maintain the deceit? It would be her style, the disingenuous cow.

For years, I took it to be true. Badgers weren't real. It stayed with me until my teenage years, when a chubby, awkward Queen of Cheesecake decided to show off her superiority by correcting someone who claimed to have seen a badger.

"Don't be silly," I said. "Badgers don't exist."

The chorus of laughter still rings in my ears.
( Queen of Cheesecake, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 15:29, 8 replies)

Yo momma so fiendish, she deserves a round of applause.

(universalpsykopath loves what you've done with your hair., Fri 2 Dec 2011, 15:31, closed)

click

( lucosade is counting down the minutes until, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 15:34, closed)

Trolling children for shits n' giggles is ace.
My nephew proudly informed his class one day that the Hoover Dam was built out of old vacuum cleaners - I was so proud.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 15:36, closed)

That's beautiful
:D
( Queen of Cheesecake, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 16:06, closed)

your mother is evil.
i like her.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 15:41, closed)

You're adopted.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 15:43, closed)

this wins

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Fri 2 Dec 2011, 15:57, closed)

Winnah
There are lots of interesting reads this week, but only one has made me click. Ergo we have a winner. Congratulations.
(justin(e), Tue 6 Dec 2011, 18:00, closed)