Granny Sue
Thought I would start off my weeks replies with a story of my ex-housemate Rob that happened when we were 20.

Rob was a very strange human being with minimal regard towards his physical appearance, general cleanliness and body odour. Despite this Rob would regularly manage to bring a women back to our house most weekends. True most of these women weren’t the best of lookers and were also pretty desperate for some sexytime. Rob didn’t care what they looked like and lived by the motto that “any hole is a goal”.

One Friday night he returned home with a women called Sue, aged 58 who looked a lot older (To give you a mental picture, she looked like Mummra’s older sister). Anywhoo, he went back to his room for some fun while I went to mine and turned on the TV to drown out the sounds of his granny lovemaking (She was a Grandma, she showed me the pictures of the grandkids during the taxi ride back from the club). The noise from Dial a date successfully drowned out the sounds and I passed out. Until my bladder was full and woke me up.

I turned off the TV and as I passed Robs room on the way to the loo I heard him snoring so I was saved from hearing anything. I emptied my bladder, and returned to my room . Its at this point that I managed to bump into Sue who was also in the process of nipping to the toilet while wearing one of MY football shirts and nothing else. The problem was twofold. One was that the shirt she was wearing wasn’t long enough so I was treated to the sight of her naked bottom half, the second problem was that it had started to get light outside (It was summer) So I got to see everything in detail. My brain failed at this point and all I stood there looking shocked.

Sue: Hiya you ok?

Me: (Barely able to register anything else) That’s my shirt you’re wearing

Sue: Yeah I know Rob said it would be ok for me to wear it tonight, I like to wear something while I sleep.

Me: Thats my shirt

(For no real reason Sue then decides to do a twirl on the spot, God knows why all I realised was that I now had to use the mind bleach to remove the actual sight of her wrinkled ass and decrepit mimsy)

Sue: Don’t you think it looks good on me? I can take it off if you want?

(My subconscious realises that the sight of her shrivelled fun bags would cause me to die from vomiting so it reengages my brain and bodiy movements)

Me: erm....no thanks, bye

(I then sit in my bed and rock back and forth hoping the visions of semi naked Sue leaves my head)

Thankfully Rob didn’t make it a regular thing with her and I gave my football shirt to charity shortly after I got it back.

Sue did return to our house one more time but I think I’ve written enough for now.

Goes to retrieve more mind bleach)
(mon bison powered by magnets, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 16:14, Reply)