Chugging
For a (very) brief while, I earned a crust as a street charity seller. You know, the people that pester you when you're walking down the street and have far better things to do. To say I was bad at the job was an understatement. It was the Friday of my first week and I had failed to sign up a single person. I found myself on a street in Sutton, hopelessly attempting to lure people away from their shopping and stop and talk to me.

Now truth be told, I had woken at a ridiculous hour to get there and my enthusiasm was somewhat flagging (getting told you're a fucking disgrace on a daily basis can do that for you!). I stopped bothering with all the 'quirky' stopping techniques my boss insisted upon such as "pay them a compliment" which translated to "only bother stopping people you'd want to shag" (in his case at least). So I was churning out the same phrase, give or take a few words like some kind of do-gooding dalek. The most original thing my sleep starved brain could come up with was:

"Hi there, could I stop you for a quick chat about..." insert horrific charity statistic here

or

"Hi there, could I stop you for a brief chat about..."

So there I was, alternating between the words quick and brief with varying success, until I stepped up to a rather attractive lady, and decided to burst into full enthusiasm mode. Sadly my brain failed to keep pace, resulting in me issuing the following phrase.

"Hi there, could I stop you for a queef...."

Yes, the words quick and brief had collided in my head to form a most lethal portmanteau. Worst of all, having requested that this stranger fanny-fart, I was so cringe ridden that I was unable to say anything else. Her look of abject disgust is etched into my mind, as she quickly stormed off, I could at least be contented by the fact that this is only the second most embarassing incident of my life!

More to follow...
(wordsworthless is outnumbered but never outpunned, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 20:38, 4 replies)

I didn't
know that fanny farting had a name.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 27 Nov 2008, 20:44, closed)

There are
those who know, and those who don't. Judging from the woman's reaction, I think I can safely assume she knew!
(wordsworthless is outnumbered but never outpunned, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 20:50, closed)

But if she was the sort who would know...
...then she shouldn't really have been offended.
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 1:01, closed)

Queeftastic
This has me grunting like a retard. :)

I do these kind of things all the time, if it's any consolation.
(weegiegeek, Thu 27 Nov 2008, 22:21, closed)